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You know I am a very lonely person,

Having trouble sleeping cause I feel I have done nothing but hurt people around me and its unfortunate that its the people that I care about most that end up wanting nothing to do with me. Both family and friends, the only person that even talks to me now is my mom. s**t, emotions just got tense for no reason, I was going to 420 blaze it I guess. I was planning on being high all day, so I guess I can get an early start.

I am lost in the things people tell me before relationships fail and sometimes I wonder if there is truth to them. Like my ex pastor saying I use Autism as an excuse, maybe I do. Maybe I am a terrible person and maybe I am high all the time to escape the fact of just how horrible of a person I am.

I feel lower than pond scum sometimes but meh, at least there is drugs.

I actually enjoyed this song, heavy enough for me lol

You think too much.
No good will come of it.
You'll get stuck and it'll just go round and round.
Start watching your thoughts.
Those sneaky little bastards.
Watch how your thoughts turn into emotions.

Watch how your own mind does you in.
Did you know you can watch your mind?
Odd, isn't it?
How can I do that, you ask?
Because there's freaking two of you!

Yeah a friend of mine told me I think too much, her solution is to get me high lol

You know she is probably right, I feel I over analyse everything. I over analyse traumatic stuff, I analyse work, I analyse people and so on. I don't even know why, I don't live for the moment thats for sure. I am always thinking about the past or future or lack there of

You lost me there,

Are you saying I have a split personality?

That would be great...

Who is watching your thoughts?

The worst addiction is a thought addiction.

Wow I just went in circles,

I replied to another thread that I was posting CBT stuff to and I just did this,

Event -> base thoughts -> negative thoughts / behaviour -> To the person controlling the base thoughts regardless of the negative thoughts.

My head hurts after that one,

Have you done CBT?

Yes the original thought or whatever in CBT is,

Event or circumstances -> Core Belief about yourself or others -> Thoughts, behaviour, emotions and so on.

Its interesting, I can scan in my notes about it if you want. I had it in group therapy after one of my overdoses. I haven't really done it in individual therapy but we have talked about it.

You know a thought occurred to me,

The captcha thing could be solved if we allowed mobile devices to post without issue. Think about it for a second, I am probably the only one on here using a Desktop I bet. Are you guys using a phone by chance?

I'm using an iPad.