Do people ever think that you're gay?

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NewTime
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27 Feb 2017, 4:27 pm

I'm not gay, but people will at times think that I am for some reason.



Raleigh
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27 Feb 2017, 4:35 pm

Well, I can remember starting a thread a while back with an almost identical title, so that's a yes from me.

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopi ... 7#p6498949


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ASPartOfMe
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27 Feb 2017, 5:01 pm

In the 60's and 70's if you were a guy that was "different" and especially if you did not talk about girls all the time people thought you were gay and bullied you for it. "Fag", "homo" "queer" etc was considered the harshest things one guy could call another guy. I was called those things

A couple of times gay people thought I was gay and tried to pick me up. I guess my no's were taken to be teasing because they were persistent. The sad thing was when they eventually figured out that I really am not gay they desperately begged me not to tell anybody. They were practically crying. Once was in college, once was maybe 15 or 20 years ago.


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Luna035
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27 Feb 2017, 5:43 pm

I have a feminine appearance and I do not touch other people when I talk to them, so I don't think I give off any signs that I would be gay. I do think a few people may have thought I was bi, or they were bi and wanted to know if I was bi but Im not. I read that it is common for women with AS to be bisexual but I dont know how true that is or remember where I read that.

The male aspies I met in a group were nerdy but manly to me so I dont know if there is a higher incidence of that in the Aut. Community.



crystaltermination
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27 Feb 2017, 7:14 pm

My mum is convinced I'm gay, but she's actually only half right.


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C2V
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27 Feb 2017, 10:19 pm

^ Hah same here - though I wonder if being bisexual/pansexual makes you 50% gay or 150% gay, if you know what I mean. As for other people, yes I sometimes get read as gay, but I also get read as both a gay man and a gay woman. So no idea what I'm doing there to give that impression - you'd think they were opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to stereotypical behaviour?


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crystaltermination
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27 Feb 2017, 10:40 pm

C2V wrote:
^ Hah same here - though I wonder if being bisexual/pansexual makes you 50% gay or 150% gay, if you know what I mean. As for other people, yes I sometimes get read as gay, but I also get read as both a gay man and a gay woman. So no idea what I'm doing there to give that impression - you'd think they were opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to stereotypical behaviour?

You have a point there, personally gender seems the happenstance that comes attached to the occasional person, man or woman, who fits the templates of what one likes when they're bi/pansexual.


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EzraS
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28 Feb 2017, 2:40 am

I think that's a pretty common stereotype for guys who don't have a wife or girlfriend, aren't into sports, aren't aggressive enough, act different/weird/whatever etc. Knee-jerk assumption: must be gay.



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28 Feb 2017, 6:12 am

I've had people make comments a few times over the years suggesting I was a female friends partner instead of just her friend always by someone we've just met.i really don't know why,
To tell the truth as a mother of a grown aspie son, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd been gay, if my other nt son had come out I would have been surprised.
Ones no more manly than the other, there just very different in certain ways.
( I know that's probably because of the auspergers.).
To tell you the truth neither of them seem interested in either at the moment which doesn't help with my dreams of grandkids.
And them finding love which is nearly as important to a mother :D



TheSilentOne
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28 Feb 2017, 2:13 pm

I identify as Pansexual, but most people are surprised when they learn that. Even though I'm not very "girly" I guess I come off as straight.


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Quiet Water
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28 Feb 2017, 7:41 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
In the 60's and 70's if you were a guy that was "different" and especially if you did not talk about girls all the time people thought you were gay and bullied you for it. "Fag", "homo" "queer" etc was considered the harshest things one guy could call another guy. I was called those things...


Likewise, a girl who talked about things other than boys, had short hair and was generally 'different' got thought of as lesbian and got called all the nasty names. I didn't meet any actual lesbians until university; only one bi woman ever asked me out, and she took getting declined more politely than some guys did.



nick007
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28 Feb 2017, 7:55 pm

Some of my classmates thought I was gay but that was because I don't conform to the male gender stereotype. I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum & don't experience primary sexual attraction. I had no interests in girls romantically until my 1st girlfriend told me she liked me at 20. I like some shows & music that women are stereotyped to like. I also hate sports which guys are stereotyped to like.


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lostonearth35
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28 Feb 2017, 8:22 pm

No one as ever really told or asked me outright if I'm a lesbian, which is really none of their business but my own anyway, but for years I was worried they people so. After all I'm almost never seen with a man (I'm seldom seen with anyone, actually), I don't look or act very girly (short hair, little to no makeup, practical clothes), and I seem to relate better to guys than most other women. But since I learned this isn't unusual for female aspies it doesn't bother me as much.

Also I may be asexual, so my not having a partner or desiring one is not entirely by choice.

My brother isn't into sports and likes art and theater, and he's been married to a women for years. My mom is slightly tomboyish and works in a scrap metal yard and she's been married to my dad for a long time now. Gender stereotypes are not a big deal in our family, I don't see why it has to be everywhere else.



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28 Feb 2017, 8:50 pm

My mother used to want me to stop "dressing like a butch lesbian"... if only she knew.


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The Unleasher
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28 Feb 2017, 9:01 pm

Yes, because my voice used to be squeakier than the average boy's. Autism also gives me some supposed "mannerisms" of gay people. I used to shake my hands around instead of using a towel to dry them, but I outgrew that. Nowadays, most people would think I'm straight (which I am) or asexual.

Edit: I'd like to add that this was slightly before puberty, when I was 10 and 11. So my voice being squeakier was probably something I was born with. It's changing right now.


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