Going to an aspie group tomorrow morning, feeling really shy

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ShadesOfMe
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18 Jun 2009, 9:27 pm

I'm going to an aspie group tomorrow morning. It's every Friday, and it seems that they switch of from structured chat to just hanging around playing games, depending on the Friday. It's for young adults 18 and up. I'm feeling really shy about it. The person who invited me won't be there this friday, and I was relying on him to help me though this and introduce me to people. I do know that another aspie I know, from the Aspie group that I have will be there, but I haven't seen him in several months. Also, the parents do not stay. I will be there without my mother. My mom is always at the meetings for the aspie group that I have. The parents like to sit around and talk, I'm used to that. I'm a little afraid to do this on my own.

Do you have any tips for not feeling so shy?

PS I will be bringing my stuffed fennec fox, who goes with me everywhere. She comes to my regular aspie group meetings (where the ages range from 14--23 currently), and everyone really likes her. We are afraid they might laugh at me. Do you think they will laugh at me? If they laugh at me, I will not go again, because where my fox is not welcome, I am not welcome.

PS if anyone who goes to an aspie group could give me advice, especially, that would be great. I know some of my friends come on here, also.



xalepax
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18 Jun 2009, 9:42 pm

You are a very brave person! Try not to think and analyze things beforehand. Just go and be yourself and try your best :wink:
Its very cute with the fox. If they laugh out of its presence they might do it because its charming, not because they would think you are childish or so
I have hard to believe aspies can be that mean to another aspie....but if you are uncertain of that part then keep it in a bag or so from the beginning to check how the air feels like
Maybe you dont "have to" bring it up at all, maybe just the knowledge of its presence make you relaxed
Try to focus on what the others say, someone who is less shy might approach you and then you can follow this person around

I wish you great good luck!!


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willa
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18 Jun 2009, 9:49 pm

Have fun! And post a pic of your fox!!
It's always hard to get past that first meeting, like the first day of class or first day on the job. Just sooo much anxiety, but it gets so much easier the second time around. Just have to brave that first jump in.


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ShadesOfMe
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18 Jun 2009, 11:03 pm

Thanks guys tha treally has helped me. I'm going to try really hard to be brave.



Learning2Survive
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19 Jun 2009, 12:09 am

aspie guys will randomly ask you out, out of the blue. just say you already have a bf and walk away. )


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19 Jun 2009, 12:42 am

Yes, it can and probably will be difficult the first time. You just have to remember the purpose of the group - to socialize and make friends - I will assume. In that case you are already ahead of your worst fears. The people will most likely be friendly, supportive, and understanding, so if you are shy and don't jump right in don't feel bad. I was like that the first time I went to a meeting but now I am much more relaxed. What helps me not be so shy is knowing that I am in a room full of people who are not going to judge me. Don't be afraid to have fun! Good luck.



GoatOnFire
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19 Jun 2009, 1:08 am

ShadesOfMe wrote:
PS I will be bringing my stuffed fennec fox, who goes with me everywhere. She comes to my regular aspie group meetings (where the ages range from 14--23 currently), and everyone really likes her. We are afraid they might laugh at me. Do you think they will laugh at me?


Probably not. A group of aspies over 18, likely predominantly male, are more likely to try to hit on you. Making fun of the fox that the new fox brings would not be a smooth move. Even though they are aspies they will probably know better than that at this point in their life. However, they will be so bad at hitting on you that you probably won't realize they are hitting on you so you don't even have to be afraid of that.

I didn't know they made aspie groups for over 18s so I haven't been to one since I turned 18. My advice is, just remember that you are with other aspies, not average people, don't rush anything, and to just be brave and make yourself go the first time.


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SpongeBobRocksMao
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19 Jun 2009, 1:50 am

I can't really help you not be shy. But try not to be shy as I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.

I go to an Aspie group every month. The first time I went I was really shy and nervous, but I made friends and I'm sure you will too. :)


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ShadesOfMe
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20 Jun 2009, 2:45 am

SpongeBobRocksMao wrote:
I can't really help you not be shy. But try not to be shy as I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.

I go to an Aspie group every month. The first time I went I was really shy and nervous, but I made friends and I'm sure you will too. :)


I do too.

This one was odd. No one I knew showed up. There were three speech therapists there, and the room was really small. There was a girl who could not stop talking about herself. Not in an aspie was, but in a self absorbed way. I was surprised, she's nothing like any aspie girl I've ever met. The atmosphere was strange and the ceiling for the kind of ceiling you see in classrooms. It reminded me of school and kind of freaked me out. I stuck it out though. There was a marked difference between who was who. while everyone there was basically an adult, there was a real marked difference in social status. We did play a card game after awhile. I felt kind of uncomfortable. at my regular aspie group i'm free to be myself and talk freely, tell my friends secrets. I felt like if I said something they might construe as inappropriate I would get in trouble. I felt like I wasn't really socializing, but in a therapy course. I hate therapy.

I will go again sometime. I'm not going to give up that soon even though I find it odd.



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20 Jun 2009, 3:20 pm

just remember how much you have in common with everyone else. And they won't 'emotionally explode' in front of you if you 'say the wrong thing' or something.

You can do it.