Conversation is like making a commitment.

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I have this friend. Talking to him can be difficult at times, as conversation with him can sometimes feel like an interrogation, rather than a friendly exchanging of words.

The thing about online communication is that it takes away the setting. It's easier to feel at ease in a quiet coffee shop, than say a loud mosh pit for me. I feel like the setting a conversation takes place in can really add to it. But in online communication you don't have that. You don't have that shared experience.

Sure, you do make progress in conversation by asking questions, but I think there's more to conversation than just an ask and answer scenario. It's supposed to be more relaxed than that, otherwise it just comes across as an interrogation of sorts.

Sometimes I will share something to a conversation, a funny picture or video which I talk about for a bit. But what comes after is what I like to call "The conversation trap". I didn't plan to have a full conversation with this person, I just thought they would enjoy this thing and we could have a conversation about it and then move on with our days. But instead, I end up feeling like I've foolishly walked myself into a commitment.

It's too late to just leave, so I end up answering questions that I don't care about, and I just feel interrogated. I long for a more relaxed atmosphere, an activity that we could do together so we don't end up focusing on having a conversation just for the sake of it.

The problem with long conversations is that I'm not good at sustaining them. Something inside me just wants to snap, and usually towards the end of the conversation I do because I've grown so tired of talking for the sake of talking. My mind grows exceedingly bored and tired of it, like with most things.

Anyone else feel this way? Any tips on making conversation run smoother, and less like an interrogation?

Oh dear, I get this too. Sometimes I am not in the mood for a long conversation, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I continue anyway. It just exhausts me. If the person is autistic, then I would personally just come right out and tell them that you aren't in the mood. I don't know what I would do if the person was neurotypical. I would, of course, phrase this in the nicest possible way while still being direct. That's my opinion anyway.

In a way, it does feel like that sometimes. Like a sort of "commitment."

Saying this, I do enjoy conversing with people sometimes.

Sometimes, though, when I feel uncomfortable with myself, I just don't feel like talking.

As far as we know, he's not autistic. However, he is more extroverted than me, and possibly ADHD (he suspects himself of this) so trying to explain why someone might want a break in conversation can be difficult.

Partly because A) he's forgetful sometimes, and B ) trying to explain to him how some people find intense/long conversations tiring can be difficult as he can't relate on a personal level, but when I explain he usually respects it, but doesn't really get it; and he can often end up worrying that he's done something wrong.

I understand why though, he's a bit socially awkward at times, and can say some fairly insensitive things, and he's aware that people see him as such, but he can't always fully understand why. He's always checking that he hasn't done the wrong thing, just in case.

That is a tough situation. I am trying to think of ways that might help the conversation run smoother. Is it like flitting from topic to topic? Maybe you could try and encourage him to say more about the current topic. Do you ask him questions about whatever he brings up, too? It is pretty hard to stay on topic in conversation when you have ADHD, so I think I get what you mean by an "interrogation." Do you share any interests with him? That might be a way to carry on staying on the current topic if it is interesting to both of you.

Other than that, it seems like he probably does have ADHD (although I'm no doctor!), so there are some things that probably won't change. It's definitely really hard for both of you in that situation, and the best advice I can offer is to be understanding of his needs, and teach him to be more understanding of yours. Maybe you guys are the type of friends who like to "do" things more than just talk, such as going to places or working on a project. I feel your pain, Lost_dragon, and I hope you can find what works best for you both!