Engaged

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Not me. But it makes me feel ill-ish to think about.

Allow me to start from the beginning. She's someone 6 months younger than me from my very small church (aka everyone knows everyone else), and being that her dad is the pastor and my dad is one of two elders and seeing as we're the only two our ages, I'm probably expected to be very happy for her. But I'm not.

The whole thought of it honestly makes me feel nauseous. It is most likely because I am jealous (not of them specifically but I haven't seen my own boyfriend in 6+ months, not to mention both my 'boy' and hers have the same name), and it reminds me of what a failure I am as a social being. (Also because there have been SO many weddings/engagements of people my own age. Makes me feel so inferior. I've always been left behind socially and emotionally and these make it way worse.) As hard as I tried this girl and I never were able to be friends. She probably thought I didn't like her, but me being small-talk-impaired.. well... you can probably tell how well things went. Anyway I am simply unable to be happy for them. I'm jealous of all the friends and others from our church gushing to them on facebook, and the pictures and all that.

And of course my attitude about it makes me feel doubly ill because I know I'm not supposed to feel this way.

And I am simply not sure how I am supposed to feel. But I do feel very dark right now. How do I deal with this? (Or how do I avoid being forced to gush over the ring? )

I am probably going to be in a small rage later because I failed to accurately convey my feelings without appearing whiny and dumb. But I've got no one who could understand where I am coming from...

I'm sorry you feel that way. It's very hard when other people seem to be getting what they want and we don't. It would be good if you could set aside your negative feelings and enjoy your friend's happiness with her(?). May your jealousy fade and pass away soon.

Firstly, at least you have a boyfriend, so don't feel so down. Secondly, I'm pretty surprised that you're only 21 yet you are feeling abnormal for not being engaged. I'd consider that far too young an age to be worrying about it.

Ah, I know.. I should be happy for her. She has done nothing against me. It's really more the constant reminder that I'm a social failure because I am not at the place (i.e. engaged or married) that so many of my same-age peers are, really more than anything against her personally.

It's like (and this is a new revelation) being happy for her is admitting to myself that I will forever be a social failure and doomed to forever simply congratulate others. Surely people see her always bringing her now-fiance to church and then they look at me and think "Hmm, how come she doesn't bring any boyfriend? What is wrong with her?"

Yes well he's on the other side of the ocean. I know I should be thankful for him anyway but we've been emotionally distant lately too...
I know 21 is young but it's the pattern everyone else is following and I appear to be the 'broken link' here. If the current trend were with older individuals it wouldnt be the same, you know what I mean?

How does that work? The two things are really separate aren't they? Perhaps a little logic can help undo that strange entanglement (I feel like I'm talking about quantum physics).

I think aspies catch up, or at least, I feel like I am/have. Don't think that because you are a 'failure' now, you always will be.

Well, just know that if you lived elsewhere, it would be entirely normal. You just happen to live somewhere where people seem to get engaged at oddly young ages. Don't feel trapped by something transitory like an accident of birth.

I felt strange, when my sister got engaged. I've almost felt the same feelings.

That's the worst of it, it's totally separate things! Heh, I feel like I've gotten worse, especially after having become self-aware. But there is hope and time lol.

Hey, I even feel a bit better about all this already. (Though I can't still be quite happy.) Thanks everyone for your feedback.