11 Aug 2011, 12:42 pm
11 Aug 2011, 1:06 pm
Ilka
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11 Aug 2011, 1:30 pm
11 Aug 2011, 1:35 pm
CockneyRebel
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Age: 51
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11 Aug 2011, 1:39 pm
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
12 Aug 2011, 12:46 pm
You guys need to try "Looking For Things: An Amazing New System!" 
http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1314 You can LISTEN if you click on link
Written by Luke Ski
Kim: (sad) Oh...
Tim: What's wrong, dear?
Kim: I can't find my car keys!
Tim: You can't?
Kim: No! I mean, I'm pretty sure they're nearby. But when I look down all I see is a coat, a winter hat, the newspaper, and the book I was reading earlier.
Tim: Hmm. Honey, have you ever tried "Looking For Things"?
(SFX: Ting!)
Kim: "Looking For Things"? What's that!
Tim: It's an amazing new system!
Kim: I don't understand!
Luke: Let me show you how it works!
("Too Much Stuff" instrumental plays softly in the background)
Kim: Who are you?
Luke: My name is Luke Ski, and I'm the inventor of the patended "Looking For Things" item location and clutter elimination system!
Kim: How did you get in my house?
Tim: I let him in!
Luke: Damn right you did! Now Kim, I understand you can't find your car keys.
Kim: Yeah, they were here a little while ago but now I can't find them.
Luke: Well let me help you with one of my helpful rhymes for helping: 'If what you're looking for is out of sight, move an item to the right!'
Kim: Wha?
Luke: Just pick up that newspaper there and move it over to the right... Do you see your car keys?
Kim: Why, yes! There they are! It's a miracle!
Luke: It's not a miracle, it's "Looking For Things"!
(SFX: Ting!)
Luke: Soon you'll be ready for my next helpful rhyme for helping, 'If to the right was the wrong guess, move an item to the left!'
Kim: That doesn't rhyme.
Luke: (still in happy voice) Shut up!
Tim: Luke, I'm confused, aren't men supposed to be the sloppy disorganized ones, and women keep everything neat and tidy and clean?
Luke: Ha ha ha, that's old hat, Tim! That went out with button-shoes! It's a common misconception that women are clean and organized. In reality, women are just as lazy, sloth-like, and slobby as most men. Some even more-so.
Tim: Are all women like this?
Luke: No, not all women, just every one I ever dated for the first 33 years of my life.
Kim: That's sexist!
Luke: No, that's the truth!
(SFX: Ting!)
Luke: Yes, for years, I was constantly being asked by whoever I was involved with to help them find their keys, their cell phones, their lighters, their cigarettes, and so on. After years of research I noticed that I could usually find whatever it is they were looking for within seconds by applying a few simple steps and getting up and actually "Looking For" the "Thing" that was missing! So I decided to take my new system and put it on an instructional DVD to help men and women everywhere! But mostly women.
Kim: Wow!
Tim: Please continue to talk about this amazing new DVD!
Luke: Yes, on my "Looking For Things" instructional DVD, you can learn such advanced steps as "Stand Up", "Walk Around", "Look Behind Furniture", and for the advanced, the difficult "Look In Another Room"!
Tim & Kim: Oooh!
Luke: Here's a fun fact, did you know that small items can sometimes slide down between the cushions of your couch, hidden from plain sight?
Kim: Whoa! Slow down! I can't comprehend all of this information at once!
Luke: Well that's why you need my new instructional DVD, the patented "Looking For Things" System!
(SFX: Ting!)
Kim: I'm going to buy one right now! Wait, I can't find my purse!
Tim: Uh oh!
Kim: Wait a minute! Maybe if I pick up this coat and move it over to the right... There's my purse!
All: *laughing*
Luke: Yes, it's just that easy! Order now!
Fast announcer voice: Just $27.95. To order just dial 1-800-L-A-Z-SLOB, or on the internet visit www. for the love of God pick up your crap .com. Be sure to look for Luke Ski's books, "Well, Did You Look For It?", "It Was Right Here!", and "Why Don't You Get Up Off Your Ass And Look For It Yourself?". Order now, operators are standing by.
Last edited by nick007 on 12 Aug 2011, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
12 Aug 2011, 12:57 pm
ScientistOfSound
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Location: In an evil testing facility
12 Aug 2011, 12:59 pm
12 Aug 2011, 1:02 pm
12 Aug 2011, 5:34 pm
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,157
Location: In my own little country
12 Aug 2011, 5:40 pm
I've lost my mind a long time ago. 
Ilka
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Joined: 7 May 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,365
Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama
12 Aug 2011, 5:40 pm
http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1314
This is GOLD. I had a real good laugh reading this. Even my husband (the one in need of the system) was laughing. Thanks!
MakaylaTheAspie
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Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,565
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)
12 Aug 2011, 5:56 pm
12 Aug 2011, 6:04 pm
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
12 Aug 2011, 6:12 pm
http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1314
This is GOLD. I had a real good laugh reading this. Even my husband (the one in need of the system) was laughing. Thanks!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I thought some would get a good laugh out of it & I love spamming comedy stuff when I see a good opportunity
Anyways getting more back on topic~ I'm kind of careless & I put things down without really paying attention or thinking about it. I also have low vision & I am NOT a visual person so I sometimes could be looking in the exact direction as something I'm looking for but it doesn't register that it's there; it's like my brain doesn't process it. It's pretty easy for me to misplace stuff but I'm also very OCDish about about making sure I have everything on me when I go somewhere so I don't lose anything when i go anyplace or lose anything at home because I can find it after a while
Scandium
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Age: 31
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Location: Orange County, CA, USA, Earth, Solar System, Orion Arm, Milky Way, Local Cluster
12 Aug 2011, 6:21 pm
