Why Do You Ask ... ?

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I often wonder why someone would ask for opinions, insist on honesty, and then react badly. I mean, why would someone ask (for example), "Do these sunglasses make me look stupid?" if he or she is not prepared to be told that those sunglasses make him or her look stupid?

If they really want an honest opinion, then why get upset?

If they really want an opinion that makes them feel good, then why ask for honesty?

This is why I don't ask if anyone thinks I'm handsome, intelligent, witty, wise, or a better lover than her husband - I don't want to hear them say, "No".

What is it with some people?

It's a game that sadistic (usually NT) a**holes like to play.

I'm often the victim of a similar game:

1. Person does something they know will piss me off.

2. I finally snap and yell at them.

3. They play the victim and I'm the a**hole.

Good question. I'm not sure. Some people are just insecure and want to be complimented. Others want to be told straight. You have to know the person a bit to be able to judge what type of response they're looking for. Not that have to necessarily pander to that even if you do know what they are looking for. It depends how important the person is to you I guess.

Then there are some questions one simply should never ask ("do you still love me?"). If you have to ask then you have your answer already.

In my professional capacity people often ask me for advice, but then don't like it when they get it and end up arguing why they don't want to do what I've suggested. Especially if it's going to cost them money or hassle. I usually say, well, I've given you my advice. I'm not going to argue about it.

I've seen Aspies play it as well, especially here on WP.

I'm glad you said that.

People ask for advice here and then don't like what it is that they're getting. I'm not saying all advice here is wonderful but by and large people do try to say something useful.

I guess people think they already know the answer to their question, and are disappointed when they get a different one.

They could be seeking a compliment, attention, validation.

Maybe they are genuinely surprised or bewildered by the answer.

Just because someone wants answers doesn't mean the answers won't piss them off.

See, this baffles me. Why ask a question to seek a specific answer?

I've asked questions I didn't like the answer to before, but it's not because I was looking for a different one. I simply thought the answer sucked.

Yes, sadly. I originally just typed "NT," but I knew I had to qualify it with "usually."

Because they're not really asking a question. They're seeking confirmation of what they already believe, in order to feel good in some way.

Lots of people aren't very self aware, or aware of how others perceive them.

Maybe.

I don't understand it either & that's one of the many reasons why I cant get more than friendship with NT girls because I give them honest answers when they want me to tell em stuff to make them feel good

Ah, that makes sense. I don't ask a question I don't want an honest answer to, so this never occurred to me.

I agree with Henbane on this.
The other reason for such behavior is to have someone to place the blame on.Sometimes people know what they want to do, they ask for advice seeking confirmation and if something goes bad they blame the person who gave "the bad advice". It's happened to me quite a few times.

Oh, that's just mean.

I know. But some people do that, especially when it comes to relationship advice. That's why I refrain from giving advice to anyone I don't know well enough.

There are also certain members who ask certain questions but they hardly have anything to say about the matter, themselves. If they don't like the answers that we give them, they turn the threads into hating NTs or mass murder.