Xuincherguixe's bad advice, round 2

Post Reply New Topic

Let's do another batch of these!


There are a lot of advice columns out there. There are a lot of people that give bad advice. But few seek out to give bad advice! Which is what this is. I make no promises that my bad advice will be consistent, or what exactly is 'bad' about it. Sometimes it might be effective but grossly immoral.

It goes without saying that you should not actually listen to it.

How do I make myself happy? I've tried everything. Diet, exercise, sleep and socializing. Is there a step that's missing?

Yes. The problem is that happiness only comes at the expense of others. Your strategy is missing that crucial element of sadism.

Punch the nearest stranger you can find. Hide Kryptonite particles in the cereal of the nearest caped alien super hero. Cage a panda.

Happiness should soon follow. For lasting happiness, do something cruel that's likely to last. Like improperly bury toxic waste.

Classic... I love it, lol.

Okay, here we go.

I have had interest in an Aspie man for almost 9 months and he refuses outright to talk to me, yet hovers at times and is very aware of me. What action should I take, bearing in mind I have already sent letters and made my feelings clear (And do not tell me to just give up, as I have tried that too!)

Rip his shirt off and start making out with him.

And also grab parts of him that interest you. This part is key.

Dear Xuincherguixe (sp?),
My apartment neighbors across the way still have a prominent Christmas flashing light display with a sleigh and reindeer which is very visible from my front window. I hate it. So, how do I tactfully tell them to SHUT IT OFF? Or, should I just discretely shut off their circuit breaker during the night (heh heh)? I do not know these people at all either - I suspect their not my type. Etiquette advice? WW Amy Vanderbelt D? Thanks

I don't understand Amy Vanderbilt very well, but I think it's safe to say she would say to paint a Panzer in bright colours, associated with your own personality (skulls and flames may be appropriate as well, but only with dark colours) and start blasting the decorations off.

It's certainly the sensible thing.

Dear Xuincherguixe,

My dog won't shut up. What should I do to get him to stop?

Signed, Anonymous

death by toxic furniture...that'll be an interesting eulogy...

where are my shoes?

One of my minions points out that she would likely use a Pink Panzer.

my studies bore me so much, how can i make this three and a half months bareable?


(ps i passed my java-exam thanks again for helping me out!)