Insults in disguise

Post Reply New Topic

Recently came across an article about toxic people and ways to recognize them. One way is by how they use a compliment to actually insult someone. Examples were: "I'd never have the confidence to wear that."
"You're so funny and you don't even realize it." "You're such a nice person."

I don't see how these phrases are insults in disguise. Can someone help me understand? Am I missing something a point?

It depends on the specific situation/context

Sometimes, they are "insults in disguise." Most of the time, though, they are not.

If you can't understand the person's tone of voice, it's hard to tell if it's really a compliment or an insult.
And when you're online where there id only text, that makes it hard even if you're NT. That's why Smileys were made.

"You are such a nice person" could be a left handed compliment meaning the person saying it thinks you are weak and easily munipulated.

The economy in the late 1990's was doing great. I was umemployed for close to two years during this period. Yet me and everybody else were reading news story after news story about the "prosperity wave" . I went to interviews where I was often told your resume is really good. I and everybody was confused and wondering what the hell was wrong. It was only after getting diagnosed 15 years later and looking back at that period did I realize that the compliments about my resume were left handed/backhanded compliments. What they were telling me and expecting me to understand was it was me that was problem.

Disclaimer: These are just my OPINIONS, and not directed at any one person. They are based on personal experiences, and the overhearing of malicious gossip.

"I'd never have the confidence to wear that."
- "You dress like a slut."
- "You are seeking attention."
- "Those clothes are out of fashion."

"You're so funny and you don't even realize it."
- "You are stupid."
- "You are socially inept."
- "English must not be your first language."

"You're such a nice person."
- "You're ugly."
- "You must be gay." (If told to a man.)
- "You'll never get a husband." (If told to a woman.)

Sometimes, people really DO want to be creative in fashion, yet don't have the courage to be so. Thus, they might really mean it when they say that they would never have the confidence to wear eclectic sorts of clothes.

The second phrase, I find, is usually an insult, though not always.

You are such a nice person, as a phrase, could have many meanings--positive and negative. I have told someone that she is a nice person and meant it literally. It can also imply that one is suggestible and naïve, and needs to get hip.

How about:

"She has a great personality"?

"No offense; but ..."

"With all due respect ..."

"That certainly is an interesting concept."

"Thanks for sharing."

"I'll always think of you as a friend."

1. A person could genuinely have a great personality--whether he/she is good-looking or not.

Sometimes, though, it's used as a euphemism for somebody who's not attractive.

2. "No offense" means that the person doesn't share the other person's opinion.

3. "With all due respect"--same as #2

4. A person could genuinely find a concept interesting---but the speaker might be conveying the fact that the concept is odd/peculiar/incomprehensible to him/her

5. "Thanks for sharing," usually is used in a sarcastic manner. But not always. At the least, it's condescending, though.

6. That is a euphemism for "I'm not interested in you as a lover." It could mean that the speaker values the recipient's friendship, though.