The shame of never having worked

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It's worse when I am going through one of my "socially dysfunctional and weak, but not mentally ill" trains of thought.

I cannot say I have never worked, I have attempted a few jobs before getting on SSI. Now I am working with vocational rehabilitation to become more employable and get some work...but yeah sometimes it does bother me that I haven't really worked. Like I hear younger friends/acquaintances talking about their jobs and work and it can be awkward being 27 without ever having had a real job or at least nothing consistent. Even though I am on disability so its not like there is no reason for it.

Be glad that VocRehab is able to help. Every time I have contact with VocRehab in PA I end up in worse shape mentally and emotionally, as they haven't the foggiest idea on how to deal with mental illness and developmental siabilities. It's bad enough there's no support for us on the spectrum that are close to retirement and collecting SSDI after working for 45 years. It gets even worse when your kin and most of your friends (if I can call them that) consider you to be a lazy no good for nothing fat-assed motherf!cker for even being awarded SSDI. I finally came to the point that I no longer care about much of anything. As long as Trump doesn't f!ck with my SSDI, SSA Retirement (which I can file for in about April of 2018, when I turn 62) or Medicare (which I sorely need, since I'm a severe diabetic, hypertensive and suffer indeterminate ibd), I no longer give a flying f!ck about anything. As long as my rent is paid, I'll stay locked in my room and will very rarely venture forth from some.

yeah seems like the vocrehab in my area isn't bad and apparently they work with various other places and organizations that help disabled people get work, through them I went to a place to do sort of an evaluation of my skills and difficulties and should be be meeting with them in the next couple of weeks to figure out the next step.

Seems it will be more helpful than not, but I was certainly apprehensive because I know in some places it really does suck and doesn't do much to help. But yeah I suppose I am 27 and want to try and build up a little money, if I was older not so sure I'd bother trying to gain employment.

i have never had a job, but i almost don't interact with people to feel shame or anything. i am financially dependent on my parents. i live alone,though. since 2015

even if i interact with people, i won't feel ashamed because no one of them gives me money. so f**k them anyways. why can't people mind their own miserable business.

Because, in my neck of the woods, people believe in schadenfreude. In short, my kin (with a few exceptions) and my so-called friends aren't happy unless they're making me miserable.

Although I don't think it about others I think on a personal level,to some degree, I've bought into the latent negativity and stigma which has become more open in recent years.

I was not quite 17 when I first saw a psychiatrist and was hospitalised for the first time at the start of what should have been my A level term.

Since then I have been on and off the psychiatric radar(periods off being when we moved and GPs didn't follow through in getting me connected with the local mental health services), though mostly on for the last 42 years.

I think a lot of the self stigmatisation stems from not always accepting I am genuinely ill/disabled and thinking I am just socially dysfunctional.

Although I have stayed on my depot, because I have enough insight to accept that others may be better judges of my mental state than myself, I do often question whether I need it.
I guess they think I need it by the way they are quick to phone sometimes if I am only 30 minutes later than my usual time of coming , and the way they once came round to the flat to give it to me.

^^ What is "depot"?

Antipsychotic by injection.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/t ... ation.aspx

yeah, likewise. in my precious little "life", i worked as a cashier, at a fast food restaurant, communications contractor, actor, recordkeeping assistant, accounting intern, real estate intern. all of them were minimum wage or barely above it or volunteer. none of them required the Bachelors degree that i wasted 6 years of my stupidass "life", numerous calories, emotional turmoil, and over $100,000 of my now dead precious little "mom's" $$$ with. none of those jobs even required a high school diploma.

a lot of the time i feel ashamed. with the exception of things almost idiot in the world can do, i ain't got no job skills.

some precious little "people" are so condescending, b/c they are academically smarter, more educated, more financially productive, more socially adept, cisgender, neurotypical, normal, than me. (rolls eyes). they treat me condescendingly b/c i do not have a job. or b/c the jobs i had were ghetto jobs. or b/c they have advanced degrees in STEM subjects and i do not. or b/c they are extroverts that are so boring, that almost everyone else acts just like them. (rolls eyes).



by the way, i am also ashamed that i flunked out structural engineering during 5th year undergrad. and that i am fatter than i want to be. furthermore, i imagine that, if precious little "most people" ate what i ate, they would be much skinnier than me. if precious little "most people" studied as much as i did, they could get a masters or higher, in any which subject. but a BA in cognitive science. what good is that, vocationally or functionally?



how's that different from the division 1 football players that major in "eligiblity". they get a scholarship, and they have to maintain it with the minimum gpa. so they go to State University and major in Communications, Business.

and i am ashamed i am trans. whereever i go i wear a hat or a hood. the less someone sees, the more they call me "he" instead of "she".

and i am autistic. socially awkward.

and i am bad at sports.

and i can't concentrate.

but whatever.

due to various physical and mental addlements, I haven't been able to work in over a decade. I would not mind being able to hold down a suitable job [$$$$ would always come in handy] but it eludes me. being crippled up with arthritis is no help, either.

I'm on Social Security Disability mainly because of physical issues but I do have some mental 1s too. I relate to what you guys are going through because people were on my back alot about me not working too. My parents were on my back about me not working before I got my 1st job. They were on my back when I was 20 even though I was going to places every couple months & putting in apps & I was also working with LRS(Louisiana Rehabilitation Services) at the time. It contributed to me getting a psychotic depression. I got on SSI after I fell into the bad depression & my parents were still on my back about me not working. I got my 1st job because a family friend found out about an organization that helps people become independent. LRS paid for them to help me find a job & they lined some interviews up for me & placed me at a place they have placed some others before. I had a couple jobs sense then. I quit working in 2008 because I didn't feel safe doing certain aspects of the job due to my disabilities. I tried treating them but the meds made me feel like I was having a stroke or something & I was out too long for medical reasons. They would of taken me back if I reapplied but my doc wasn't good so I quit seeing him after awhile.

My parents were on my back alot after that because they felt it was a good job for me & they thought I just didn't want to work in general so I exaggerated my issues which wasn't the case. Louisiana is a very conservative state so lots of people think of disableds as being lazy leaches sucking on the teat of the hardworking American taxpayer. My parents are liberal but there is still that stigma that contributed to my problems finding a girlfriend. All of this defiantly got me down sometimes & made my depression worse even thou I was getting over it then. Things are a bit better sense I moved across the country to be with my girlfriend. My parents aren't on my back as much & Vermont is ALOT more liberal so I don't have to worry about the stigma as much when people ask me what I do. I still feel bad sometimes thou & I would start looking for a job but my girlfriend has anxiety & depression issues & doesn't like being left alone for more than a few hours. She thinks there might be a way I can get paid to be her caretaker sense I am classified as her live-in-aid for her Section 8 housing voucher. I really could use the extra money & I would have another reason not to work. She's slow at getting around to things sometimes thou.