What's your favorite joke(s)?

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Keep it clean, folks.

What do you call a vampire stuck three miles from a bloodbank? A cab!

*cling cling bang!*

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Dr: Before we give you the wrong anti-venom SaveFerris can you describe the snake that bit you ?

SF: Sure , it was like an angry rope

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?

Because to a tennis player, love means nothing. (I don't believe this is true, however. There are some really nice players).

Why did Monet arrive early to his job interview?

He wanted to make a good impression.

(This isn't my favorite joke but I just made it up and made myself chuckle so in this thread it goes).

Q: Why did Renoir become an impressionist?
A: He did it for the Monet!

Q: What does Salvador Dali eat for breakfast?
A: Surreal.

A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Wow! I've never served a weasel before! What can I get you?"

"Pop!", goes the weasel.

The music store was closed. What did the sign say?

"Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet!"

Time to lower the tone

I decided to brighten my neighborhood by decorating my boundary wall with phallic shaped objects.

My neighbour is livid but his partner is still on the fence

My GF is mad at me.

Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues.

"Lostonearth, are you a light sleeper?"

"No, I usually sleep in the dark."

(not really my favorite joke, I don't really know what my favorite joke is, but it's one I remember well)

something that baby boomer math majors might get, even if they didn't laugh at it-
"history of teaching math":

Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar.
Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the tree?

Teaching Math In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Anderson determine that his profit margin is $60?

Teaching Math in 2010
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es...

Two monkeys are in a bath.

The first monkey says "OOO, OOO, OOO, ARR, ARR, OOO, EEE, EEE, EEE, OOO”

The second monkey says, "If the water is too hot, put some cold in it!"