I hate passing sales people in the street

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Joe90
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16 Feb 2020, 7:58 am

In the town where I live there's always someone standing in different places handing out brochures or trying to get you to sign up to some sort of business.

I feel like I'm a horrible person if I ignore them, but I have also learned (the hard way) that being polite by making eye contact and saying "no thank you" is not a good idea because that means they have got your attention and they can still manipulate you by blocking your way and saying, "it won't take a minute", even if you say that you're in a hurry they don't listen.
I nearly got conned into buying a book I didn't want. This Muslim woman was standing on the corner wanting people to buy a magazine or book, and she begged me to buy one. I said no thank you, but about 10 minutes later I walked by her again and she recognised my face and said, "please, I'd love you to buy my magazine, my dear." I felt guilty, so I took one but I thought she was just handing them out for free like most other salespeople do, so I began to walk away. She called me and told me I have to pay £2.60 for it. I did not want to spend that much on something I was not interested in, so I said, "sorry, I don't have any change" and gave it back to her and ran off feeling rather embarrassed.

So sometimes ignoring them is the best option, although I am not generally a rude person. Do you know what I mean?


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Trueno
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16 Feb 2020, 8:34 am

I'm totally with you on that one. I just blank them and walk past. I didn't ask them to bother me in the street... in fact, being appoached by strangers really freaks me out.


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Karamazov
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16 Feb 2020, 8:41 am

Exactly: it feels callous to ignore the poor person whose been stood there for hours hawking whatever it is, but on the other hand you have neither the time nor the money to be trapped into their spiel.
Charity ones I find the worst: I’ve already maxed out my viable budget for it, but the guilt from ignoring them is way higher than the commercial bods.
Also have a lot a street preachers where I live, but they’re just a loud & annoying distraction: never felt any guilt about walking past like they’re not there.

And I’ll agree that it is freaky to have total strangers accost you in the street.



beady
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16 Feb 2020, 8:57 am

The problem of aggressive selling seems to be getting worse every year. I don't even enter any contests anymore because they are just for data mining and sales.
The sellers near me have stalls in the mall, at the big box stores, and everywhere else. They harass you to buy stuff, try stuff, and endure their services. When I was living in Japan, the Japanese traffic controllers used crossed lights to say " no!, don't go this way!" and I've adopted that as crossed arms or fingers to say no ahead of the questions. It's like making an X with your forearms or fingers. Like warding off a vampire but more of an X than a cross.
I am also making a slow attempt to learn some sign language. The sign for no is simple - check on youtube. People often respect an arm or hand signal more than words and it's universal and saves time and embarassmemt.
It feels good to me to have ways to say no without having to speak. I don't like being forced to respond verbally to these people.
The people begging I feel comfortable ignoring as it has been in the news how organized that system is as a scam.



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16 Feb 2020, 8:47 pm

I find wearing earphones and walking past saying no thanks works well for me. Some of them look angry when I do that, but I continue walking cheerfully listening to my music.

In the past I used to stop and sign up for everything even when I couldn't afford it.


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17 Feb 2020, 10:05 am

I too have started to wear headphones (ones with wires so they're more noticeable) more in public to both tune things out and so people will know I don't want to be bothered. With sales people, my mask kicks in to tell me to make eye contact because that's what you're supposed to do with people, but then it tells the salesperson that they've got my attention. This is one situation where I should take off my mask, have my ASD show, and not make eye contact :lol:



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17 Feb 2020, 11:36 am

I am glad you posted this. I was telling myself it's a "little" thing, and yet I have the same "big" reaction. Good to know I am not alone in this.

I'd like to smile and wish them well, but it seems that's not "appropriate" so since the social rules so to be to either engage and give or ignore them completely, I do the latter which is gut-wrenching for me. That said, I have seen NT folks merely say "no, thank you" and I wish I could do that. When I was younger I had time and would stop and talk to folks (and not give) b/c I didn't "know better". As I get older, unmask and have time, I think I will return to that natural behavior.



Joe90
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17 Feb 2020, 1:09 pm

I don't like to wear headphones while walking because I like to hear what's going on around me.

I have had a few unpleasant (unpleasant for a social anxiety person) experiences with sales people. If I'm deep in thought it takes a lot of energy to have to be forced to say no thank you instead of just walking by like they're not there.
One time I had a lot on my mind and was also in a hurry to get some errands done on a busy Saturday, and a salesman blocked my way and wanted to sell me some sort of charity thing, and I didn't feel like speaking so I just shook my head and hurried on. But I heard him to say to the people behind me, "ah, ladies - I hope you're polite..." And that made me feel like I was a bad person just because I didn't speak.
Surely these sales people should be used to it as thousands of people pass them and they don't know what's going on in my head.
It's nothing personal, I just don't always feel like being bombarded with these people, and I know I'm not the only one that feels like this.


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17 Feb 2020, 1:28 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Surely these sales people should be used to it as thousands of people pass them and they don't know what's going on in my head.


That's something I keep forgetting to keep in mind. Unless it's their first day, which I doubt, they're used to every reaction that could possibly given and generally couldn't care less how you treat them as long as you don't act violently or curse at them.



Karamazov
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17 Feb 2020, 1:38 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I don't like to wear headphones while walking because I like to hear what's going on around me.


Same: I don’t do hoods or hats with ear flaps for the same reason, and I only have headphones on in the house if I know all the doors are locked.

yes: I’m tangenting :lol:



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17 Feb 2020, 3:20 pm

Joe90 wrote:
One time I had a lot on my mind and was also in a hurry to get some errands done on a busy Saturday, and a salesman blocked my way and wanted to sell me some sort of charity thing, and I didn't feel like speaking so I just shook my head and hurried on. But I heard him to say to the people behind me, "ah, ladies - I hope you're polite..."


I wish they answered him "no, we're not" :wink: because he was the one being rude.


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17 Feb 2020, 3:22 pm

I remember the "chuggers" in the UK, they were extremely aggressive. And their scripts would drive me up the wall, it was like talking to one of those automatic messages.

Try learning how to say "I don't speak English" or "I don't understand" in a language they're unlikely to speak.


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17 Feb 2020, 4:16 pm

I live in a city where there are sales people almost everywhere. So I'm rather used to passing them on the street. In fact I know which areas they will appear, and what lines they will use on people. To the point where I've altered my walking route specifically to avoid them before. Especially on days when I know the more aggressive sales people will be rigorously circling a particular area.

Frankly, I don't feel guilty about blanking them. I barely even think about it because I'm so used to the same old routine. Always the same scripted lines and approaches. I know exactly how they are going to try to convince or guilt trip me which is why I'm almost immune to their attempts at persuasion.

Joe90 wrote:
One time I had a lot on my mind and was also in a hurry to get some errands done on a busy Saturday, and a salesman blocked my way and wanted to sell me some sort of charity thing, and I didn't feel like speaking so I just shook my head and hurried on. But I heard him to say to the people behind me, "ah, ladies - I hope you're polite..." And that made me feel like I was a bad person just because I didn't speak.
Surely these sales people should be used to it as thousands of people pass them and they don't know what's going on in my head.


This is quite a common technique and people have said similar things to me before. For example, a man called out to me "Hey, are you friendly?" and it was quite clear to me that he was selling something. I averted my brief attention and kept walking with purpose. He stayed at his stall with promotional materials and after no response he added "I guess not then! Surely someone must be!"

I didn't feel bad about it. Since I'm aware of exactly what he was doing. He asked the initial question as an emotionally charged challenge; if you answer no then that makes you look bad, but if you say yes then you might feel obligated to put money into his scheme. Essentially leading the passerby into an emotional checkmate. Then he attempted to guilt me into turning back, by indirectly challenging me by calling me unfriendly (the implied implication being you can't really be this rude, can you? I was just asking a harmless question! Why don't you turn back and buy what I'm selling?). Then trying to make me look bad by adding surely someone must be! A challenge to the rest of his audience to prove that they're not as rude as I was.

However, I don't care what sales people think of me. I know that I'm essentially just any other person to them and that it is all an act. Plus, it rather annoys me when people use emotionally manipulative techniques such as this. When he added his response; my first thought was along the lines of "Oh give it a rest".

I especially hate it when sales people deliberately block my path. Usually I am able to simply blank the person addressing me and get on with my journey. I typically avoid getting too close to people who look like they might get in my way. However, some people are especially dedicated to doing so. I was walking through an outdoor market once when a guy holding leaflets walked into my path and I tried to go left but he kept walking left. Attempted to confuse him by going one way and then the other but he kept up with me. I couldn't turn and go back, he'd probably grab my shoulder if I did and there wasn't enough time or space to run for it.

So I kept side stepping to the left at a quick speed (whilst staying aware of my surroundings) because I knew that he'd eventually grow bored of the pursuit. He was hoping I'd give up and try to walk forward which would result in having a leaflet forcefully given to me which I'd have to take if I wanted to walk away. I could've accepted this reality and thrown it away later, but my stubbornness got the better of me. We were starting to get quite close to the end of the market and I was running out of places to go when eventually he relented and went to hand someone else a leaflet instead. A friend of mine later showed me what the leaflet was. It contained an illustrated argument against same-sex marriage. Which is a shame because it was beautifully illustrated but the inside message was awful. It made my inner graphic designer annoyed. Such a waste of time was put into these.

When sales people come to my door I usually put on an act like I'm vaguely interested (but not enough that they'll come again), then when they are satisfied I'll close the door, walk around to the bin and recycle their materials without reading them (it's usually utter nonsense).

On days when I've been in an especially bad mood, I've taken those annoying pamphlets and leaflets, looked at the sales person on the street and thrown them in the recycling in front of them whilst maintaining eye-contact without saying a word. I find it to be a very effective way of communicating don't bother me again.

Don't get me wrong, I can be a nice person. I just heavily dislike the emotional manipulation and pushy nature of certain sales people. Especially those who prey on vulnerable customers and/or corner individuals. I understand that they have a job to do, but that doesn't excuse their behaviour to me.


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BenderRodriguez
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17 Feb 2020, 5:22 pm

^
I think you have an excellent, sensible attitude. I refuse to allow being emotionally blackmailed, especially since it's a technique that's getting pervasive.


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17 Feb 2020, 5:26 pm

^ yes, I resent the fact that it works on me.

Dirty tactics.



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17 Feb 2020, 5:59 pm

"Not interested" does the job. It's not like you owe them anything.