"Agree to disagree"?

Post Reply New Topic

Isn't it an oxymoron to "agree to disagree"? If we disagree, not agree, on anything, things would never get done.

By agreeing to disagree, the participants are allowed to share their views without fear of abuse or violence.  This is especially important in committees, where many issues may be discussed by people who have opposing viewpoints.

It's not an oxymoron, it's just a bit of fanciful wording.

"Agree to disagree" basically just means to accept the fact that you disagree with one another, and you promise not to try to change each other's mind or complain about their opinion.

But what about those who don't want to share their views for fear of any sort of criticism?

Sucks to be them, I guess.  They cannot be awarded participation trophies if they do not participate.

Is there a context to this question that I'm missing? I thought I gave a straightforward answer to what the phrase means but with the things you're talking about now it sounds like there are complicating factors

You did.  The OP seems to like using "Yeah-But-Isms".

I think I understand the confusion now after rereading your original post a few times.

It sounds like you're under the impression that "agree to disagree" is meant to be a universal piece of advice to be used all the time. It's usually used in very specific circumstances: when you've been arguing with someone for a long time about something and it's clear that neither of you will change your mind, but you don't want to be on bad terms with each other.

So for example, if you think the Godfather is the best movie of all time and your friend thinks it sucks, you might both give reasons for your opinions, and then if you both still disagree, that would be a good situation to say "let's agree to disagree".

This is correct. ^

There are times, however, when an agreement must be made.
Therein lies the trouble.

You dont start out..."agreeing to disagree".
Its a way to end debate and TO set a course of action.

You have a debate, and neither side persuades the other. So you settle on a course of action with the caveat that not everyone likes that particular course of action and will be happy to change course if that course proves wrong- by saying "lets stop debate, and just agree to disagree" for the moment, and just go with A (or go with B).

American democracy depends upon tolerating dissent.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 05 Jul 2023, 1:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Right.
But what about the context of relationships when a decision has to be made?
Agreeing to disagree can only go so far in that case.
It's not the same as negotiating or compromising.

That's why it's only applicable in certain situations. If it's a serious issue, then either some sort of agreement is reached, you stop interacting, or you become enemies

Like I said above the phrase is used IN ORDER TO SET A COURSE OF ACTION. Not to avoid setting a course of action.

When you use the phrase you're really saying "okay...I will go along with your dumb sounding idea...for the moment...until it proves to BE the dumb idea that it is."

In some situations that phrase could mean that both sides drop the issue for the time being. At least that's what the phrase sometimes means in my current relationship. Sometimes decisions don't need to be made right away & we're both tired of arguing & fighting so we agree to disagree & focus on other things for a bit. Sometimes issues sort themselves out & the reason for making the decision is no longer relevant, or an option disapears or starts looking a lot worse & then there's only one realistic viable choice.

One reason I'm hesitant to share my ideas is that I'm afraid they will be criticized or otherwise disagreed with. If they are disagreed with, that must means there's something wrong with my ideas. How can I share my ideas without such fears?

People can disagree about anything these days. Someone disagreeing with you does NOT automatically mean your ideas are wrong. Perhaps their ideas are wrong, perhaps both your ideas are right, perhaps you have different experiences & what works & doesn't work for you is different than other people. Some people will appreciate some of your ideas & find them usefull but not everyone will & that's OK. You don't have to follow or listen to others ideas & they don't have to follow or listen to yours. Share your ideas but when others are closed minded & not listening & are focused on arguing, it may be best to drop it.