Are you paranoid or complacent?

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I go from one extreme to the other... first I'm terrified of making a fool of myself, of dying a fool... I was more scared of making a fool of myself than I was of getting murdered or whatever. I didn't want to die a fool!


Other times I'm complacent. Like I am on this board. Figuring I'll deal with stuff when it comes. Well, that's not real complacency. I've also been actually complacent, as in, not looking where I was going, waiting for the last minute to do an assignment, trying only for a passing mark and failing as a result, etc. I'm neither paranoid nor complacent now. Both were painful... the feeling that others were always staring at me, and also the feeling that I was stupidly complacent, complacency was stupid, I was complacent, and nothing could be done about it.

I used to be so paranoid about looking foolish, when I was young. Then I discovered my inherent ability to make people laugh by "acting" stupid. So, I started doing outlandish things like faking a fall when entering a room full of people or cracking wise with one-liners. I got the idea from reading an article about how so many famous comedians have social anxiety and got over it by hamming it up in group settings.

Largely complacent with a smattering of paranoia

I'm a bit arrogant and complacent I'll admit... but I get so paranoid too...