Do NT men mind standoffish-looking girls?
I wish I could turn it off, but I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I wish it would work for me, too! The thing is, though, that I think mist NT men will see that as uninterested and stop after a while. In this day and age, men are a lot more sensitive towards the idea of coming across as a stalker or creepy or a sexual harasser if they persist too long.
The point I was trying to make was, a lot of girls on the spectrum find it hard to find a boyfriend (I know males on the spectrum find it hard too but I'm just talking about women at the moment, being so it's in the Women's Discussion). These issues probably occur because of shyness, lack of motivation with one's appearance, and giving off standoffish vibes (not saying that ALL women have all of those 3 but just saying anyway). I have an Aspie friend who is a female of my age, is slim like me, and doesn't care for make-up, and is shy and has a sort of standoffish body language and has difficulties talking to people she doesn't know, and I am similar to that too. But she's finding it real hard to even attract a boy's eye, where as I can list down all the times I got asked out by a boy. Maybe I AM attractive then, I don't know. I can read body language and so can always recognise if a man likes me. I know people here will say crap like ''you think you can read body language such as flirting but you probably can't''. Enough with the if's, and's, but's, maybe's and probably's, please - even if you don't believe me, let's just pretend you do for a second, just so I can understand this.
I just get confused when I get people glaring at me or turning away when I smile to them when passing, as if I give off nervous or unfriendly vibes, and when I was younger I was always told that giving off standoffish vibes are a turn-off for men. So I thought that if people in general turn away from me, I thought men wouldn't be attracted to me. I come from the UK, so I don't know if certain social expectations are more different. My mum and her two sisters literally say hello to everyone they pass if they are out in public, when they don't even know anybody. When I ask if it is creepy to do that, they go, ''no, it's friendly'', as though there's nothing wrong with being friendly, which I didn't think there was either. But from what I'm hearing here, apparently it is creepy and against the social expectations to say hello to a stranger.
Ohh, so confusing!! !
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Female
I wish it would work for me, too! The thing is, though, that I think mist NT men will see that as uninterested and stop after a while. In this day and age, men are a lot more sensitive towards the idea of coming across as a stalker or creepy or a sexual harasser if they persist too long.
So true and so frustrating for both men and women!
speaking from experience are you
when your hot you can do anything you want yes men ar e that shallow haven't you read the www virgins make such claims that such and such would drink such and such's bath water
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob
As an Aspie male, I have to admit two things:
1) I do not under any circumstances initiate a conversation with a shy girl. In my experience, most of them are stuck up and take anything you say the wrong way. Even a friendly hello and you look good is considered harassment even when I'm just trying to be polite. It's not worth a potential false sexual harassment claim to talk to a shy girl. If I girl shows ANY signs of being standoffish I will immediately break off contact.
2) If a girl was to be very friendly and flirty with me, I would immediately become suspicious and wonder what they were really after. Sex? Money? Trying to humiliate me?
Now you can see why it took so long to find a GF and why I hold onto her long after most guys would have dumped her. I simply don't know how to come across as friendly without being too intense and like many Aspies, I've been scarred from being used as an object of ridicule.
1) I do not under any circumstances initiate a conversation with a shy girl. In my experience, most of them are stuck up and take anything you say the wrong way. Even a friendly hello and you look good is considered harassment even when I'm just trying to be polite. It's not worth a potential false sexual harassment claim to talk to a shy girl. If I girl shows ANY signs of being standoffish I will immediately break off contact.
2) If a girl was to be very friendly and flirty with me, I would immediately become suspicious and wonder what they were really after. Sex? Money? Trying to humiliate me?
Now you can see why it took so long to find a GF and why I hold onto her long after most guys would have dumped her. I simply don't know how to come across as friendly without being too intense and like many Aspies, I've been scarred from being used as an object of ridicule.
Some shy girls have had bad experiences with men so they're more guarded and wary. Appearing "stuck up" is a defense mechanism. Shy people are often mistaken for being stuck up, but if you break off contact immediately you'll never know what kind of person they really are. I know it's no excuse, but there's always pain hiding beneath the surface of an unfriendly facade. I guess that's why shy and shy don't go together. What does a girl have to do to earn your trust?
You all seem to be missing the point.
It is common in people on the spectrum to find it hard meet or attract the opposite sex, due to social awkwardness and some of us seeming aloof or standoffish.
I don't get friendly approaches when passing someone in the street when smiling/making eye contact, whilst I've noticed other people saying hello or good morning/afternoon/evening to a passing stranger, just be meeting their eye or giving a smile, just like what I was doing. Now I have learnt that I don't get the same results, and so have stopped making the fruitless effort and so now I just stare at the ground when I pass people. I have also learnt that when I used to make the effort, it wasn't working because maybe I gave off standoffish vibes or looked nervous or something like that. It is upsetting for me but that's just the way it is.
I would get over it, but I am still confused because I seem to have a lot of men being nice to me, like flirting, wanting my number, and going out of their way to have a chat with me. Yes, I may be Aspie but I know what flirting is when I see it. I'd have thought, if you read the paragraph above this one again, you will see why I am confused because I didn't think men would want to look at or try to get to know a girl like me who apparently looks standoffish. And no, I know it's not because I look naive and stupid, because I know other Aspie girls just like me who are shy and standoffish to other people, but never get any attention from any men and find it hard to get a boyfriend. But me, I could have a boyfriend easily if I wanted to. And it's all different men that have liked me, older, younger, fat, thin, clever, dim, most probably all NTs (I've only had one Autistic guy that liked me a few years ago).
Do you get what I mean now?
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Female
I got it all along , your female in your 20's and if your average or above of cause your going to have suitors.
and I don't by like doesn't work with like I'm close to 100 % certain aged 25 a potential gf was on the spectrum I can't imagine any one else giving me the time of day . I wonder if she got her science degree , wouldn't know as I didn't call her back after she gave me her number ![]()
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob
