Difficulty with sex...even though the desire is there?

Post Reply New Topic

( KY warming jelly and electric vibrating massagers rock my world. not the battery-operated kind, as they have lower RPMs or something, but the kind that are actually sold as massagers in the drugstore... they are more powerful. )

jiminy cricket i am embarrassed to go back and read som of the dirty laundry i strung out on the line in this thread. i am thinking i might go back and edit what i can. if anything i wrote was even remotely helpful to anyone, can you please send me a PM to just let me know? i don't want to change my stuff if anybody at all found it useful.

No, I found your open honesty incredibly helpful and refreshing! Most books don't approach things that way so it was wonderful to read everyone's personal experiences etc.

thank you so much for that! i was wondering if i was embarrassing people with Too Much Information.

I think your "orgasm theory" makes darn good sense. Have you formally studied evolutionary biology? It sounds like you've really given a lot of thought to this. Regarding being more likely to get pregnant when you have an orgasm, I've read that too.

Back to the original question ... it's not unusual for women to have orgasm difficulty during intercourse, the reason being the clitoris doesn't get enough stimulation. For most women, the orgasm response originates in your clitoris, so somehow or another the little button has to be stimulated.

To my knowledge, from a physiological standpoint it's not totally clear exactly how it does get stimulated during intercourse, assuming you don't reach down and do it yourself ... one way is for the thrusting action of your partner's penis to pull the clit hood back and forth over it. Another way is for your partner's penis to press against your g-spot ... the area on the forward upper side inside your vagina. Pressing and rubbing the g-spot, so the theory goes, actually stimulates the clitoris from behind.

Forgive me if this is already common knowledge. I have found lots of women didn't know the basics of how their sexual equipment works. Men too, for that matter.

If you have trouble reaching orgasm at other times, you might just need to practice more. Practice does indeed improve your body's ability to respond. Google "how to masturbate" for specific things to try. Having an orgasm feels really, really good. If you have one, you'll definitely want more ... And the older you get, the more you will enjoy them. At least, that's my experience.

And I'd say definitely consider using a vibrator. You can buy them online easily. There are lots of different kinds, but I've found for me a simple pocket rocket works just fine. Every woman is different of course, but my opinion is that it's difficult not to have an orgasm with a vibrator. Overall, a vibe is not a substitute for a man (all jokes aside .. lol), but they are wonderful because for most women they represent the best and easiest way to get off.

There are no absolutes with this stuff, though. What really gets one woman going may not do anything for you. Do what feels good. And don't give up

thank you CaroleTucson! no, my education did not include any science classes, with the exception of one Plant Science class, selected primarily because of the absence of both labwork or any required readings. i only read nonfiction science, so my brain get stuffed with just enough facts to generate peculiar ideas. great advice, by the way!

I read this and to be honest, this is kind of interesting... I mean... I am still young and I really still sort of find the thought of sex to be disgusting unless it is with someone that I really know, trust, and most importantly love and I am committed to them. I mean, I was told about sex when I was 12, but then, when people talked about stuff like positions and foreplay and stuff, I was completely lost, what I thought was simply "insert rod a into slot b" was quite complicated and don't get me started on oral...

So it seems like the more I knew the less I understand and it's really complicated for someone with Asperger's realizing that there are so many different ways that it's overwhelming and it's almost unimaginable and what complicates it even more is that I am afraid to learn more because I am afraid that I will see something that I can't unsee and I have had a lot of those moments before... like "GIVE ME BRAINBLEACH!" yeah... this is interesting...

Yeah, I know where you're coming from. Sexuality is both simple and complicated. Fundamentally, it is just "rod A and slot B".

But for most people, sex also involves a significant emotional component. That's the complicated part, I guess. But I'll also say that at its best, sex with the one you love can be as deep and profound an experience as you can imagine. At those times, it's definitely worth the complications.