Does your naivety lead to abusive relationships?

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OF COURSE!! ! Predators KNOW exactly who to go after. First it starts with a general disrespect of you, then they start asking for money. If you feel as though you're constantly giving and never getting is a VERY bad sign. In the end, you become a bank and someone to F--k when they can't get anybody else. Eventually we all wake up!! ! I woke up at 30 years old!
after losing my whole bank account and the only tiny bit of self respect that I had. The day that you realize that you don't have take it anymore and that YOU alone are in control of your own destiny is the day that it stops. Love shouldn't hurt. If you have daughters, try to make their early experiences around boys VERY positive so they KNOW how to be treated. Women learn to be doormats from early experiences and from their fathers. The door-mattiest of women I have known have had fathers who were not loyal to their moms and who were narcissist. Some had no fathers at all. I noticed that girls who had "strong" fathers who respected their moms and them too didn't seem to have problems with guys. As far as teen daughters go, if their father is a milktoast, this will attract predator-type boys. These boys know that they will get away with it. My father was too busy chasing women and some of my friends to be bothered to see how I was being abused by boys and then eventually men.

Only predatorial men call strong women bi---hes because they can't "control/abuse" them.
I couldn't BELIEVE this article I read in a dental office while I was waiting an eternity.
The title was "Why nice guys fail with women". What a crock of dung!! !! Did it ever occur to people that the women might have the problem and NOT the nice guys?! This is 2012 A.D. NOT 2012 B.C. We don't need Conan the Barbarian to protect us! We can do that on our own. Any woman that would take a monster instead of a nice guy is self-destructive. They are self-destructive because they hate themselves and other women as well. There's a book out called "Girls Against Girl's" by Bonnie Burton. It's a very easy read and it gets straight to the point!! !

I admire you because some people don't pick up on those damned verbal dings - because they actually are very disparaging remarks. I used to counteract those damned comments with "Only the best guys get the best chicks." I used to get that too...why don't you do this? Why don't you change that? My reply to this crap: DANG!! ! Why don't you just pay for the drinks already so I can go home and feed the dog?!" I had a friend who used to listen to that crap and she went BROKE improving upon herself for these idiot men!! If they were willing to make such suggestions, why didn't they fork over the cash for these women to do these things!! ! A diet doctor enlightened me to this thinking. When I was about 20, this guy that I was dating told me about this diet doctor that could help me lose about 15 pounds in two weeks. I went and he came with me. I paid a steep fee. The doctor said, "Whose this, your boyfriend?" Why isn't he paying the fee, he's the reason you're here, right?" Then the doc went on to say, "After the diet plan, you won't need him, you'll have as many boyfriends as you like. You can dump him." I saw flaws in the doc's thinking too but I got the JUST of it - that's exactly what I needed. The doc had four daughters. I understood. I dumped the guy on the spot NOT after I lost the weight. I did lose the weight and stayed thin but just for me not for some dumb guy. If a guy insults your weight, insult his loss of hair. They shut their face real quick!! !

I think all we can do is learn from experience. Sometimes we have to judge people to avoid making the same mistakes and getting hurt again. Like I learned that someone who sees things in black and white and has low tolerance for differences is a red flag and run. They are not good people and they will hurt you emotionally. I also learned someone who has no job is also a red flag and if their room is a mess or their home, run. They will end up manipulating you and taking advantage of you and using you as their meal ticket. Someone who is highly into sex, run, they will try and beg you for sex and you are asking to be raped (forced to have it) so run. Someone who is very ignorant, run, they will also hurt you emotionally too and someone who has low self esteem and is always talking down about others, run, they will talk down to you too and put you down also. All comes from my experience. They also don't have to be abusive for you to spot red flags in future men or women. Anything that was bad in your relationship or that you were hurt by, learn what to look for in the next people you meet. If they show the same signs as your ex like what I had listed above, run. Oh yeah luckily I never gave in to have sex with my ex when he begged for it so I didn't get raped by him. But if you are vulnerable to giving in when egged or begged and can easily fall for guilt trips, run if someone is very obsessed about sex and always talking about it. They will end up begging you to have it and you then give in. I consider it rape.

My first ex used to tell me I would look hotter if I put on ten pounds. I wonder if that was a bad thing?




Okay this made me mad. No means no. Just because some women like being pushed down and forced to have it does not mean men can ignore the word no from any woman just because other women like to be forced to have it. If the woman has never told the guy that she wants to be forced to have it and she wants him to beg her to have it with him, no means no. This just sounds like an excuse to rape a woman and no wonder men get sued for having sex because the woman claims she was raped by him. And also no wonder people blame the victim. And this is why I hate sex so much and think lot of men are pigs. I've been through that nonsense. But I also think that talk would be a red flag for me if a guy told me that.

So stereotypical. Guys with AS don't get into relationships because women are too nice and judgemental and just leave them.

Ladies, get take advantage of.

I am not diagnosed with asperger's syndrome, but I am quite sure I might have it. I used to attract a wrong type of people in my life for a great period of years. Only recently I evaluated my life experiences and faced the fact I was horrible at judging people's characters. I think I was aways prone to justifying certain behaviors, and if a person tend to be more mean I would believe I was sent to that person's life to save him from his own ego and enlighten him on how to become a better person. Of course my mission was never successful one, only I would end up in a very poor mental and psychological condition after such attempts.

At this stage of my life I am very careful and I do not let manipulative people approach me. I rather chose to be alone, though it's very hard for a person who always needed others in her life, even if it included unhealthy relationships. It's hard for me to be alone, but I know that's the best thing I can do for myself until someone respectful appears.

Oh ellalea I know what you're saying.

My current task is to overcome the idea given to me and believed by me that I am too unattractive, depressive, needy, bitchy, etc to have someone like me for who I am or to be in a good relationship.

I did not want to say this for a long time, that this is my task, because I did not want to violate the sacredness of the relationship and I definitely did not want to admit that a person treated me badly. That felt like bad-mouthing. But guess what, I will continue to get emotionally abused if I don't claim it as my right to not carry around long-term bad treatment like it's my dirty little secret to keep. Like it's my moral assignment. No. That injures me and it does not hold people who emotionally abuse accountable for their actions. Emotional abuse at first seemed/seems like an overblown term for someone being nasty to you but it's so much more damaging than simple nastiness. It is a different breed. It is not something to be excused. Able to be changed, yes. Overlookable, something to be swept under the rug to "keep things looking tidy," no. No no no. A person is forgivable and they can change their ways. But it is necessary for me, in order to heal and begin to respect myself, to first recognize that what I was subjected to it never ever okay, and that it is not true that I'm inherently worthless and not worthy of basic respect, and that requires me to be willing to violate a trust that is nothing more than a trust in my willingness to take things I should not take. That is the antithesis of trust. I am not violating anything by discussing the burdens I have been handed in order to unburden myself. I am very angry that it is being suggested that I am, as happens to be the case. I am violating violation itself and nothing more.

So anyway yes as an Aspie I am prone to trusting people inappropriately and rationalizing whatever they do to keep thinking of them as good. I need to get rid of my loyalty to being treated badly that is masquerading as loyalty to people I care about/sacredness, it has been encumbering any hope of me getting better. I have to cut the tie completely, that is the only way I will be doing things for the benefit of my well-being rather than the benefit of preserving the appearance of niceness and orderliness.

Definitely. At this point I haven't been in a relationship for about 3 years, because I decided to figure things out and really make an effort to start listening to myself. I was in a few extremely unfulfilling relationships, and one obviously abusive one. I'm starting to learn how to take care of myself, and now I'm afraid to get into a relationship at all, because it would "tip the scales", in a way... I would start experiencing my identity entirely in relation to them...

I would naively "understand" whatever they said, by applying it to my own experience, which I think is an asset in way, when it comes to interacting with people. However, my logical way of thinking makes me quite susceptible to manipulation, because I will believe what I can reason out in my mind. A manipulator will explain why a certain thing "makes sense", and since I am intensely focused on them, I will be like, "yeah! I see!" and then as soon as they're not around, I'll be like.... hey, wait a minute!

OMG that sounds like something I can relate too and I felt I have been there. I believe something and then later on I think "wait a minute" when I realize something else and realize it doesn't make sense.

My problem is that I have had such a strong desire to be loved & fit in that anyone who gave me any attention, I latched on to. My parents were always abusive, & I grew up craving love & acceptance. Predators were attracted to me since I was a child. It's taken me 40 plus years to learn to avoid abuse. But it still happens that I have been bullied well into my 40s (job stuff). I find it much easier to be alone...at least I don't have to worry about someone's motives.

I finally woke up by the time I was 30 after two abortions, numerous public humiliations, and physical and sexual abuse not to mention the crippling loneliness in between. I probably would've done better if I were on antidepressives.