Has anyone else struggled with an eating disorder?

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Yep. I still have obsessive, repetitive thoughts when checking specific body parts in the mirror. I don't keep a scale in my house because I know it would become a problem. I deleted phone apps that I'd use to keep track of calories. I will often find myself mentally estimating calories in my head and thinking about how gross I feel when I eat "bad" food. I think I will always have the thoughts but I don't actively engage in the behaviors anymore.

I’m 38. I have been disordered since I was 9 that I can remember. Could be earlier. I have been severely bulimic, atypical anorexic (all criteria met but with normal BMI) and I’m EDNOS now. Going through a rough patch at the moment. I use my ED to soothe when I’m very distressed and when I was anorexic it was for sure ritualistic.

PS I know it’s weird that this is my first message in the forums. Will introduce myself soon.