Accepting anxiety as a feature of being a woman with ASD

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Quakers' actions are their testimony to Spirit on earth.

To bring it back to the topic, working on the behalf of others can reduce anxiety. Actually, working hard on anything can reduce anxiety. One doesn't have time to acknowledge that old friend.

Thank you Isabella, for a long time I rejected the idea that I was traumatised, I believed that I would only be that way if I chose to yield to it. Like what Sharon said, what we resist persists.
I didn't want to view myself as a victim for fear I would make it part of my identity.

I've acknowledged it now though, I was a victim of abuse and predators and I did not deserve any of the things that happened. I've even become more comfortable saying the word deserve in the positive sense, I am quite proud of what I've achieved so far.

B19s points about how far society still has to go in relation to ASD, or disability in general is the crux of the issue. We are at least in the transition phase, some progress has been made, but we are stuck at this point until the world becomes more accommodating.
How do you stay motivated to do the right things all the time?

This is true, I've made some decisions lately to move away from the stresses that impact negatively on my wellbeing. There is a void there now and the change alone is stressful, I might just volunteer somewhere that my skills would be of benefit to others and would be mutually beneficial for me.

B19 is brilliant. We're so fortunate to have her contributions.

I'm proud of you for taking the steps you have, and for being comfortable on WP again. I read somewhere earlier that you had taken a break from WP because of anxiety and other issues, so I'm glad you are reaching out. Writing about what you've been through in treatment can be very therapeutic for you, as well as others.

I'm not sure what you meant by doing the right things all the time. I hope that was a rhetorical question asked unto the universe, and not me directly. I certainly don't do the right things all the time, and I seldom feel motivation beyond surviving day to day. I've been in autistic and traumatic breakdown for ten years. I can't work any more and I can barely step outside because of agoraphobia. I have distanced myself from nearly everyone in my past. I'm selective mute and I don't express my feelings "in real life" without support. I stim so much I needed medication because of self-injury. I need meds to avoid nightmares. I live in a bubble of anxiety but I cope as much as anyone can, with CPTSD.

If this means that I'm doing the right things, I guess I'm excelling. My motivation is toward finding sensory outlets I enjoy (I'm retrofitting my bedroom with coloured lights and stim toys), and I read as much as I can. Wrong Planet has actually been a saving grace. I don't know where I'd be without it or without the friends I've made. Cyber friendships have enriched my life in ways I've never thought possible, by helping me see I'm not alone.

Lol it actually was a question to you...
I do expect a lot of myself, it's always been needed as a survival piece, due to how out of sync I was with my natural way of being. Too much masking.

Not sure it was me that you read about, I take breaks from posting, but still read the threads that catch my eye.

Like for you WP is a place where I know I'm not alone.
For real, I was in an abusive situation, very unwell and isolated but when I (reluctantly) asked for help here, and people realised the situation was serious, the response was so moving that I felt enveloped in support. Not alone anymore. Very powerful stuff.

Had a screwed sense of danger to begin with. Along with certain circumstances growing up.

Could be simple, could be complicated. Depends how you take my reply.



Of course there are times I do get on guard on instinct or get defensive/aversive.
Of course I can sense danger, it just there were more chances that it doesn't faze me as much as most people do.

I'm not fearless... It's more like processing and reacting fear rather differently.
I'm not immune from anxiety. More like anxiety just doesn't cling much nor comes as often on my system because of how I react to it.
That includes and related to sensory and social issues.

Add that I wasn't conditioned or traumatized enough from the failures and pains to develop it enough as anxiety or even phobias -- yet most people would've if they ended up the same circumstances as I had.

More like, I was too immature despite my strong memories and the ability to introspect. Heck, I've only recently matured.
If it exists within the psyche, it can be resolved; the idea of accepting anxiety is a good step.

And if it helps; it's just I kept seeing the same stories all over; overwhelmed and vulnerable at childhood or teen years due to some change or harsher environments, developed anxiety.
Then constantly overwhelmed and burdened, therefore there's anxiety -- and anxiety overwhelms and burden... Stuck there for years. Went for help, then the majority of aspies resonates.

Therefore, the statement of "Anxiety is a part of ASD" thing or that one cannot be autistic without anxiety. I just don't believe in that.
Kinda why I was a bit intolerant to those who suffer from constant anxiety -- because I understand how and why...

But then, I had realized it wasn't my place to tell things; of what to do and where to go to 'help' someone out of frustration... Nor ever say how one feels or think about things.


... I had just 'escaped' that story before my adulthood, before I even learned what anxiety is called. I ended up 'breaking' a cycle that supposed to follow me throughout my adult years like most aspies do without knowing the statement that anxiety is a part of autism.

And when I said 'majority of my life', it means 6 years of being in that cycle at ages 10-16 VS the rest of my remaining years as a 0-9 and 17 to a now 24 year old.




It was an 'accident'. Or not, due to how I reacted. Or both.
Depends how this post actually means to any reader, really.

Thank you for such a kind comment Isabella, though really I am in the same boat as we all are here: adrift in a world that blames us for their lack of provision of adequate service providers with real world experience of the specific AS barriers to well-being - barriers not created by us...

Reasons for this service failure are many, and core reasons include:

- helpers not trained in recognising and understanding ASC, but often apparently seeing themselves as "experts" whose NT understanding of AS challenges is sufficient to provide adequate service.

-the complete lack of appropriate protocols for therapy with AS people

-the complete lack of appropriate emotional and psychological support therapy specifically tailored for AS people with their input

And underlying this is what makes me very angry: the same old mindset in these service deliverers, just as in the culture at large, in their persistence in viewing AS people as Failed Neurotypicals - a simplistic, invalidating, paternalistic, trivialising, isolating and discounting conceptualisation.

This "Failed Neurotypical Belief Syndrome in Therapists" is perhaps the biggest underlying contributor to the less than adequate service they provide. If you don't understand us, how can you really provide adequate help? Without understanding that is deep and true, then professional help can quickly become the smiley face of power and control of a marginalised population of clients.

(Gnashes teeth).

Kudos for your healing!

Today I just talked for the first time with a counselor about trauma. Despite some very, uh, er, traumatic experiences, I've managed to avoid the word. I am at the onset of this journey of release. I look forward to it.

Thank you for mentioning your journey in that respect.

Go Sharon It's not easy to do what you're doing, but it is liberating.
As my personal choice, something that works for me... If I didn't talk about these things in this way, when I was ready to, I would be adding to a silence that isnt helpful for me.
I hope that by sharing one persons experience to add to the perception of women on the spectrum. If you've met one person on the spectrum, you've encountered one of the many many variations of how it looks.

Is anxiety part of a life of ASD woman?
Or is it part of a life of a traumatized person and the sets overlap?

My anxiety got enormously better since I started to work with my current therapist almost 3 years ago. It's a long journey. The funny thing is, she is specialized neither in trauma nor in autism. Her specialization are eating disorders which I don't have But she was the first therapist who didn't misinterpret me. She's teaching me to listen to myself, feel myself, understand and accept myself, with my unique needs.

How to change it though B19...
I didn't have such a concise way to phrase it to the trauma therapist, but I knew almost instantly that was how he was perceiving/interpreting me. Like in fairness, the many other therapists before. This time though because I needed to talk about difficult traumas, talking straight about Autism was relatively easy.

As to me, one of the reasons I had been exposed to such difficulties in life was because I was an undiagnosed Autistic woman. For me the trauma and the ASD are as you say, interconnected mentally and physically.
To compensate for the lack of deep understanding, that's why I'm posting here. You folks get it!! I'm bridging that gap, I need to. I guess even now I'm talking around the traumas, to keep it inclusive, only though as I am well enough to do so.
The members only is the place I would choose to talk more openly.

What I found most useful in explaining it to him was the comparison to being sexually orientated in a different way and having to hide it to survive. Not a failed human if you will allow the analogy, but a different to typical human, with a strong sense of self. Also useful was the concept of identity and my desire to be at peace with who I am, without internalised bias.

I notice on this site generally, an internalised belief in this "Failed Neurotypical Belief Syndrome". It baffles me as to why people compare themselves to people who are not on the spectrum and use this as their benchmark for success. How to make this a place where for a few moments even, a person looks at their peers and thinks "yes, really, I am quite regular"...

I think the path to a solution starts from what is within our individual power to do.
It's two pronged, we need autists on board, yes definately, but not exclusively.
The group element of change requires people with more typical social skills, for me this has always been our BAP brothers and sisters.
Those on the fringes that need our help to be well in themselves as much as we need their help socially.

Capatcha has eaten my reply twice, I cant quote you it seems.
I like your posts, I admit finding them difficult to interpret, but what is crystal clear is that you're marching to the beat of your own drum!
The thread title is meant more of a personal statement of intent.

I do believe that clinical levels of anxiety are more likely in women on the spectrum. Though I'll admit my bias on this one

I dont believe that it's part of or rather should be part of the experience of being on the spectrum, but that's not how the world works, it's not set up to accommodate us. So for now, yes, anxiety is an environmental part of the experience of being on the spectrum.

In a sense...

When my therapist asked me what I was afraid of, what would happen if I lost self control in public, I described her people around me freaking out with a mix of contempt, fussy good intentions, misunderstanding, noise, commotion, trying to kick my ass so I get myself together and many more ways of making things worse - and me unable to defend myself, unable to reach any safety. This really happens, it's a torture and this is what I am afraid of when my fight or flight triggers in social situations.

Maybe this made her view my social anxiety in completely different light - I get socially anxious because I instictively defend myself from quite a real threat. It's healthy. It's sane. Minimizing my social life is the right thing to do for me, despite official recommendations for social phobia being completely different. And it hepls me, I get less anxious if I can sufficiently rest from other people.

^It is a realistic fear based on experience of intolerance and at times quite brutal responses to the autistic presentation.

We've had to work very hard to place ourselves in other peoples shoes to understand their fear of someone acting differently and hide our natural way of being for real survival reasons.

On an off shoot... Some folks are more able to do this than others, but many know to hide their autism in situations without understanding why they must do this, but they know its for survival reasons.

Nevertheless, I'm learning to hide as little as possible and force the people around me to accept me the way I am. Like informing people that I do take what they say literally so if they expect me to guess hidden meaning, it's their fault that I fail - their expectations were unrealistic and they were informed of it.
Or telling about my sensory issues - "I can't survive in the noise like that for long, I must put my earplugs on, it's nothing personal, I will still be able to talk to you".