BanjoGirl wrote:
The aspie girl that wants protection and someone "to lead" her in the social situations will search a strong NT guy, the aspie girl that wants to protect or at least have a partner with similar traits as her and doesn't have the necessity to improve her social skills, will search aspies or introverted NT's.
I fall in between these extremes. When going into a new social situation, I will quiz my strong, extroverted NT husband on appropriate social behavior. I share my thoughts with him ahead of time. I call him my "pocket neurotypical." In that way, he does "lead" me socially.
However, we don't tend to hang out together at social events. He's very extroverted, so moves from group to group or conversation to conversation with ease. I'm more likely to wind up in a situation where a lot of talking isn't required -- playing a board came, card game, or video game, or having one long conversation with one person all evening. (I have learned how to give and take and not monopolize a conversation -- it took a lot of work, but I'm much better at it now.) When we are actually in a social situation, I don't want or need him to lead me. I don't want or need protection, but I do like having him around to give me advice. (Or step on my foot when I'm out of control.) I don't want to protect him, either; I want us to be equals, working together to create a harmonious whole.
I have never dated a fellow Aspie. I have a few Aspie friends, and some of them have been interested in a romantic relationship, but I never returned the interest. I guess I'm drawn to NT guys. My suspicion is that it has to do with my parents and their marriage. They are both introverted NTs -- but my mom does a great job of acting extroverted, while my father has learned to be a good listener. They have a strong, supportive, happy marriage. They are still in love after 42 years of marriage. I am a great deal like my dad, which is fine with me. I think that, knowing how much I am like my father, I sought out someone a great deal like my mother, under the subconscious assumption that the two types guarantee a great marriage. Seems to be working so far!