Anyone Here Want Kids or Trying to Conceive?

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I am confused as to why you think you're pregnant if you don't have any positive pregnancy tests? OPKs aren't pregnancy tests, and they don't monitor HCG, they monitor LH, which is similar to HCG, but ultimately is not HCG.

Why put yourself through this extra torture when it's obvious you are not pregnant? Pretending you are pregnant isn't going to magically make it so. Save yourself the pain.

In response to the original post, I was neutral on children until I had one of my own. Now I couldn't even imagine being without him....what a terribly dark and joyless world that would be for me.

SailorMoon: Because tests are not 100%, and my body is behaving very pregnant. I may not have a test, but I do have a temperature chart that confirms pregnancy:
Screen Shot 2013-08-04 at 9.27.39 AM by shaybugzie, on Flickr

In case that means nothing to you, typically temps start low after a period, rise at ovulation, and crash 14-16 days later (or whatever your luteal phase is) Mine crashed at 13dpo, true, but they did not go down like they should have, nor did I get my period after that- instead they went up slowly, and then a jump. This is very much a chart that shows pregnancy.

Also, I'm nauseous as hell and taking naps all the time. Just for some reason the tests aren't showing. Possibly still too low to hit the threshold, possibly my HCG is of a different "type" than the typical test picks up. Either of these are totally possibilities. What's not much of a possibility is that HCG is not being transferred from my blood to my urine because...

I've been monitoring it with OPKs. You are right that LH and HCG are different hormones, but they are very, very similar. In fact, molecularly LH and HCG are identical, though you can think of HCG as having a fancy hat on it. That fancy hat is what pregnancy tests test for, the opk just doesn't care if the molecule is wearing a hat or not, so long as it's the right molecule, and accepts either as indicated. A positive OPK after confirmed ovulation CAN indicate pregnancy.... but I don't have that quite yet. What I do have, however, is an OPK that is getting progressively darker, presumably because HCG is being picked up in increasingly larger quantities. I use the OPKs to moniter levels, that is all. Because OPK and HPT should turn positive at the same time if they are picking up HCG, but I can 'see' smaller amounts that don't hit the threshold yet by testing opk, so that's why I do it. Just to monitor until I get the positive test.

I am aware of how this works, as I am a med student training to be an OBGYN. I am also aware of peeonastick , which is where you got the "fancy hat" anecdote from. If you are not getting a positive test by now, then you are most likely not pregnant. It is contradictory to say that it is showing up on your OPK but not on a HPT. If it is showing up in a test that isn't made to detect HCG, then it would show up on a HCG test.

I am sorry, but I think you are tricking yourself into believing something is not there. I was also curious and looked at your posting history, and I see that you've posted about being in a living situation that is abusive and not ideal to you. May I ask why you think it would be appropriate to keep trying to get pregnant and let a child live in that environment as well?

SailorMoon: Simple. I don't plan to stay in this environment. Especially not with a kid. The kid won't be here immediately. But as you are studying for OB/Gyn- what else could be causing my temps?

Wouldn't it be more responsible to get yourself out of the environment and settled before having a baby? As a mother, I can't wrap my head around wanting to bring a child into a very unstable, abusive environment.

Temps can continue to rise for many reasons. One could be that your ovulation date is off. Even charts are fallible. Stress can cause cycles to be longer, or the failure of the corpus luteum cyst to dissolve, which can drag out the luteal phase. The 18+ temps rule was not a rule, per se, but an indicator of pregnancy back before we had tests and ultrasounds. To base a pregnancy off temperatures alone isn't accurate at all. The chart is not meant to confirm a pregnancy, but rather to track ovulation.

I would ask your doctor for his/her advice about your cycles, but in my opinion, I don't know why you'd so whole-heartedly think you are pregnant when there is little evidence showing otherwise.

Maybe... but babies take time to make and I have been trying for 5 months now with nothing, if I waited until circumstances were ideal and had to wait this long after that- I would not be a sane person.

I get that temps track ovulation, but I have 6 temp charts that all end in my period, and not a single one of them shows a rise after 14days past ovulation. None accept this one, which does nothing but increase after 14 days of ovulation.

You said if the OPK picked up the HCG, so would the HPT. That is factually inaccurate, namely because of the amount of HCG. HPTs don't turn positive with just any amount of HCG at all, they only turn positive after a certain amount. OPKs are the same way for a positive, but they will "show" smaller amounts too. This is the only reason I'm testing with OPKs, is to see when the line is dark enough to show up on a pregnancy test.

You say there's no reason to believe I'm pregnant? Regardless what you say, my temp-chart is very indicative of something outside of the normal monthly cycle. Beyond that, I'm nauseous as hell, have lower back pain, and am crying over the stupidest of things. Along with a healthy dose of constantly feeling like I'm leaking/started my period and there being nothing there (watery cervical discharge), and exhaustion... I'd say there's a little more than "no" reason to suspect pregnancy. Then there's the opks which are being very un-LHish and getting progressively darker and closer to a positive each day or so. And the missing period. And possibly implantation bleeding four days before my period was due.

As for asking my doctor, I would.... if I had one. But I don't, and I don't currently have insurance, so I am stuck waiting.

What I am trying to get at here is that if you are so convinced that your OPK is an indicator of pregnancy, then at this point (5 weeks? 6 weeks?) you should have enough HCG to come up on a HPT. You do not. The symptoms you are describing are also symptoms of the end of a cycle/your period OR too much progesterone, which would happen if your CL cyst didn't shrink.

I am having trouble wrapping my head around your wanting to bring a child into an abusive home for the sake of your own sanity, though. This is almost like parents who want their children to be sick or hurt so that the parent can get attention. Sometimes, we do not want to have to wait for things, especially when we really, really desire them, but sometimes, it is important that we do, particularly when another life is on the line.

Not only do you have access to medical care for a future baby, but you are putting it into an unhealthy and abusive environment just so you can "be a sane person?" You don't think that is selfish at all? Not even just a little bit?

I'd be just now 5 weeks today. And not even a full week past my expected period. It's not unheard of for tests not to show until a week or so after the expected period.

I'll grant you that high levels of progesterone could cause all this, but what's causing the high levels of progesterone? Why would the cyst stick around this month when it always deteriorates right on time? In order for that cyst to exists, I had to have already ovulated (as shown by the temp chart)... but then what is the OPK picking up that is acting very much not like LH? I'm not saying I'm pregnant, I'm just saying I do have reason to believe that I am.

Further, you are not listening to me. I do not wish to bring my child into this environment. I just wish to have a child. And I trust I will not be in this environment for long enough to have to deliver a baby.

Let me reframe this for you:

Let's pretend your house is on fire. It's burning. It's hot. You have the option to stay in the house and hope the fire goes out, or you have the option to get out of the house all together.

I am going to assume that you are going to take the option to get out of the house, since it is dangerous to stay inside of the house, and you can't be certain the fire will go out on its own, yes?

Or, since we are talking about another life here, let's go back to the house on fire scenario. Your door is locked. You have a key that will let you OUT of the house. You also have a friend over. The house is on fire and your friend has no choice but to see what YOU do, since you have the key. But, you don't want to leave, because your favorite show is on TV, and maybe the fire will go out on its own, and you can finish watching it. So, you have the choice to abandon the TV show and get you and your friend out of the burning house, or, you can choose to be selfish, stay and watch the TV show, and put your friend in eminent danger as well.

Now, let's consider your actual house and your actual situation. You have an abusive grandmother whom you were thinking of reporting to authorities for abusing you mentally, correct? You do not have insurance to see a doctor to treat your own medical needs either. Are you going to have a baby and hope your situation gets better just because you want to have a baby (like keeping your friend in a burning house and hoping the fire will go out), or are you going to choose to wait to have a baby until after you have been removed from the harmful situation all together?

Reframing is a helpful tool. I learned it in behavioral therapy. Think honestly and truthfully about it, DESPITE what it is YOU want.

Ok... well I'd be an idiot to sit and watch a TV show if the house was burning. But this isn't a burning house. Mainly my grandmother is mentally abusive to me. She doesn't really take much out on my husband. Unfortunately, I have a low tolerance level due to functioning problems... so that's very bad for me, and why I cannot be here for more than 9 months anyways.

That being said, I do not think that being here while pregnant would be enjoyable or desired, but if I get the precious gift that is a child out of it, I'll endure it. One way or another I'm getting out of here.

I think you are missing the point of the hypothetical situation. Your house might not be burning, but you are admitting that it is toxic to YOU. If you are being mentally abused, why would you bring a child into an abusive home? Surely, you understand how this sounds, right? Don't you care at all about the well-being of a future child?

There are women on these boards who fully admit (and I believe it is in this thread) that they wouldn't want to bring a child into their family because it is not the right time, or they aren't in the right place mentally. That is responsible of them. I can't grasp on to the fact that you cannot see how this would be bad.

Because you are not listening to me. I will not have my child in this environment. I'm also not waiting until I'm out of here to try, and then waiting an additional year or whatevery it takes since conception doesn't happen on demand to actually have my child. For christ sakes I'm already going to be 25 as it is!

How are you certain that you won't have a child in the environment you are in if you are not out of it?

And 25 is not at all old or late. You have plenty of time to put off TTC until you have removed yourself from your abusive situation.

25 is not old or late if you are a 28 year old who just decided a family would be nice and was working on her career. 25 IS old and late when you married at 21 and wanted to have kids when you were 22-23.

I don't understand your logic. It is easy to plan for things, but when they are things that are out of our control, sometimes it doesn't work out the way we want them to. Twenty-five years old isn't old, period. Just because you got married young and set this goal in your head to have children by a certain age, doesn't mean it will happen that way. It's more important that you have a stable home to live in, a stable life, a stable job, health insurance, and a way to take care of your child that it is to meet your own, personal deadlines that mean nothing in the real world.

Put yourself and what YOU want aside. Start thinking like a mother. When you are a mother, you stop thinking about yourself first. Your child comes first. And right now, you are not putting your child first. You are putting YOU and YOUR deadlines first.