Marriage

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My question to you women here is if you knew then what you know now about the spectrum and yourself would you have ever gotten married and had children? Sometimes I struggle as I blame myself thinking that my children and husband would be better off with another wife or mother who works, is social and somewhat of a soccor mom. Im upset about it today more then usual as I wonder if I can keep going for their sake in finding ways to cope and be there for them while fighting my desire to just not even try anymore

In my case, most definitely. My husband is very supportive though, and respects my need for routine and quiet. As for kids, I do feel guilty sometimes not taking as much of an active role. I wish I could volunteer in the classrooms, participate in PTO, etc.
I work part time, try to give everyone individualized attention, and that seems to be working out okay.
Your husband married you for you, and so do your kids, so I wouldn't worry about blaming yourself about being someone you're not.

Hugs, My issue was not husband and kids. It was more married too young and to someone who didn't care to be supportive and I eventually lost respect for them. You just need to do the best you can do and make sure you have time to recharge. No one should expect you to be supermom and no one is mary poppins all the time.

This.

I think that if I had known then what I know now a lot of things would have been different. My husband would have had at least an idea of what he was getting right from the beginning. Not that he didn't know me, but it might have given him more of a chance to be prepared if he had known that it was a permanent neurological condition and not just quirkiness or something that would change a lot over time. I think I still would have had kids, but I would have watched myself and them a lot more carefully to make sure they were getting what they needed. I feel really guilty that I didn't recognize the problems that my kids have that have now been identified in them as adults. I was just so oblivious and I didn't think anything of it if my kids were weird or had problems with other people because they were just like me. Or in the case of my middle daughter, very social but very ADHD and again I didn't recognize it because I was ADHD and didn't know it and so I thought "oh, it's nothing. It's just like me" and I had never been dx'd with anything. My two younger kids accept me and love me but my oldest and I have a lot of problems. She has been dx'd Borderline but I'm not sure it's accurate and we're not close enough to discuss it. I feel like my kids got shortchanged having me as mom.

I only had once child, and she's grown up. I used to feel like you; that she got shortchanged, but she loves me dearly and I love her the same. I'm sure your children love you too.

What I always try to remember when I'm feeling really down about not being the kind of mom I would have liked to have been is my youngest daughter telling me "What would I have done with a normal mom? She would have thought I was the biggest freak on earth! I'm lucky to have you!" And my middle daughter telling me "I like it that you're different. You're real." So while I totally understand being upset and feeling like you should be able to give your kids more; maybe we make it out to be worse than they do.

I'm so relieved to find out that I'm not the only one who wonders if I'm doing my children a disservice!

I don't know that I would've done anything differently though...

Its so good to have others to talk about this with who really get it. Dh is supportive, but he has his moments. I do need to try to focous on they may not love my Panic Disorder, but they do love me.