Anyone have similar experience in life?

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I´ve been debating with myself for days, weeks, months even whether to post here or not. I´m currently in my early 20s and I´m sort of having a hard time with dealing with life (and have had for a few years now, I guess) and it seems that Aspergers could be a good explanation for a lot of my past and current experience and could explain a lot of my behavior, past and present. When I first heard about AS, mostly through cultural references (it´s not all that well know in my part of the world as it seems to be in the West), I would have never thought that I had it and I considered myself NT (if maybe somewhat quirky), but the more I´ve been reading into AS and especially about AS in women, I have started to question if maybe...

So I was just wondering if any of you have similar experience as I have had in my life:
- when I was young I was a very happy and very outgoing child and I didn´t have any problems with making friends or keeping them (at least not until my early teens) and I considered myself normal, but at the same time I can remember that my best friend in primary school would always point out some things that I was doing to me that seem to be consistent with Aspie behavior (like telling me what I said was rude/socially unacceptable, telling me to look at the person I was talking to, that I was talking too loud or rambling about the same thing for long periods of time, to stop interrupting people when they were speaking and so on). Only later I became a somewhat shy person or at least I´m percieved as shy by others. Though actually not by those few close to me, who know that I can open up and ramble about some things for hours at a time.
- I have always had these obsession, which I came to learn could be considered special interests. It could be a TV show or horses or dogs. And when I become engrossed in it I can for example watch the same episodes/moments of a TV show over and over again, research stuff connected to the special interest and mostly just think about it almost 24/7. Usually they last for some time and then they pass and while I might still be somewhat interested in them, I´m no longer crazy about them.
- also I am a verbal thinker and I guess the way I think could be classified as what Temple Grandin calls word-fact thinking. I´m almost incapable of thinking in pictures. I have a great long term memory, especially for stories and therefore history and that kind of stuff and for events, I can for example describe of what I did my first two days at high school or university even though it´s been years ago. I also have a good memory for languages and learn them without too much effort.
- but my mind seems never to stop thinking, and I have severe problems with falling asleep, because I can´t seem to stop overthinking and planning things in my head, I don´t know what it feels like to have "an empty mind." And most of the time I am thinking about thing like the meaning of life and death and that sort of thing.
- also most of the time while I´m physically present here, I´m also in a way in a dream world, sort of writing stories in my head, sometimes complete fantasies and other times just alternative outcomes or incorporating real life people into it. I´m not sure if it always was that way, but I have a lear memory that it was that way at leats sine I was 12. This however I guess might be connected to the fact that since a young age I´ve been doing a lot of writing.
- reading social cues - well I can do most of the superficial human interaction pretty well. I´m not sure how good or bad I´m at reading other people than your average peron is, but just two things that I´ve noticed I have trouble is - eye contact- I usually have to mentally kick myself to do it and I don´t really understand people´s obsession with it and especially in a formal setting it is hard for me to know whether the conversation is finished unless it´s spelled out for me - so either I wait there until the person realizes thatI´m still there or I ask if it´s all. Also approaching and talking to some people especially in a formal setting makes me anxious and I plan what to say to them in advance äor even what to write into an e-mail) and then go over those conversations in my head, overanalyzing them.
- small talk doesn´t bother me most of the time
- I don´t have much trouble with taking things literally and understanding sarcasm. There´s just one situation years ago where i can remember having taken something literally and acted according to it even though it was meant sarcastically and it led me to behave in a way that was percieved rude by the other person. But it was just a small issue that that person had probably forgotten in a few days, but I kept remembering it and feeling ashamed about it even years later. That´s another thing when I do something wrong, even if it is just a little thing that your average person gets over quickly, those things keep nagging at me for a longer time.
- sensory issues - sounds/lights bother me when I try to fall asleep. When I´m stressed or nervous even the smallest sounds drive me crazy. I also have very sensitive hearing. Crodws have always driven me crazy, how horrible that was when my parents dragged me to the market when I was small. I´ve since learned to deal with them better by either avoiding them or always heaving headphones when in a crowd. Also there are just some sounds that seem to scare me instinctively when I don´t expect them. (like when someone opens the door of my room when I don´t expect it). I´ve always been a picky eater, but so has my brother, but he has grown out of it while I have not. Also, without even realizing I keep on eating some of the same foods over and over again. In general I don´t have a problem with being touched and even enjoy it for the most part, but there just are some touches that I can´t tolerate and that irritate me and I do not like to be touched when I´m not xpecting it most of the time
- stimming - I do a lot of leg bouncing and food tapping, but even more so I always seem to be fiddling with things, especially when in a lecture or when waiting and it´s to the point that it can drive others crazy (once I was clicking my pen so much that a professor came to me and took it out of my hand), about two years back I´ve also started to scribble down the same little symbol over and over again while I´m in a lecture in moments when I´m not writing down my notes. Also while I rarely do it when I´m distressed rocking seems to calm me down. Also as mentioned I can watch the same scenes of a TV show over and over again and I do also often listen to the same song over and over again for extended periods of time. It actually seems to calm me down when anxious/nervous.
- especially when younger I might have been percieved as being a "rude kid" by some teachers, because I would always tell them what I thought when I disagreed with them or felt that they were acting unjustly and it was up to the point of arguing with them not so nicely, it never resulted in big problems for me because I was generally percieved as good/good behaving student
- I have always had motoric issues, there has been a lot of falling over my own legs, walking into walls etc.
- I have big trouble finding my way in new places and I have always had problems with geometry and judgind distances, and getting my drivers license was a very very hard task
- expressig emotions - my family as a whole is not very big on expressing emotions, so I guess that might be one reason why I´m not either. But sometimes it does happen that I want to express emotions/feelings, but I´m just not able to verbalize them. (For example a few days ago I was talking to my mom on the phone as I was having a hard time and she told me that she loved me and I want to tell her that I loved her too, but it just wouldn´t come out)
- I´m prone to depression - because I always overthink things. For example I start to question whether I´m doing what I´m doing or why I´m doing anything at all and the conclusion I seem to come to is that nothing makes sense because we´re all going to die anyway..
- I´ve also been diagnosed with coeliac disease a few years back and I know that sometimes the symptoms that CD causes can sort of overlap with AS symptoms, but I have had most of the problems/experience mentioned here even while living GF (but when I accidnentally did eat gluten most of what I mentioned here was even much stronger). Also I feel like my behavior is more Aspie like when I´m having my period and when I´m tired.

That´s about as much as I can think of right now, though I think there´s more. So anyone have similar experiences? Thanks for your help.

we all have our quirks.

*hugs*

Hi Girlinbigworld,

Yes, I'm 37 and have had similar experiences, esp. with motor coordination, new places, new people, following social cues, pretty much most of what you listed except coeliac disease. I am not diagnosed with AS, however, my daughter is and she also has difficulties in most of the areas you mentioned. Through my own experience and by guiding her, I have learned that repetitive practice and repetitive exposure (baby steps) to the outside/social world will help us deal better with whatever anxieties we have and build the skills we need. The best thing to do now is read as much as you can, accept your quirky self and figure out if there are any areas you want to improve. You could get a diagnosis, I don't know what country you live in, but here in the USA my 11 year old daughter has qualified for many services with a diagnosis such as speech, occupational therapy, and adaptive physical education. I don't think I would have had her diagnosed if it wasn't for the services she qualifies for. You could way the pros and cons of getting a diagnosis and see if it will be of benefit, for us it was beneficial.

I also did lots of research on AS in girls, and knew that was what my daughter had. While the School Psychologist diagnosed her as having ADD and tics, I brought up AS and she disagreed. Then she retired and the new School Psychologist diagnosed her with AS. You know yourself better than anyone else, so just keep educating yourself on AS and coeliac disease.

Yes life can be exhausting! However, surprisingly, I have realized that EVERYONE has something or will have something or has had something difficult in their lives. Of course, it may not be AS, but there is abuse, disease, mental illness, family issues, money issues, job issues, love issues, etc. Somehow, that helps me keep things in perspective and I always count my blessings. Best of luck to you!

I know many issues you mentioned. I also found it easier to have friends when I was a younger child ( about 7-10 years). Now it is much worse. It seems to be more complicated. But even my friends at ptrimary school sometimes said: "Don´t do that!" or "This looks strange."
Furthermore, I have motoric problems, so I fall about my own legs until now (but not as often as in childhood).

Although I am not to bad in Maths in general I have problems with geometry like you and I don´t find new ways easily.