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Summer_Twilight
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03 Jan 2015, 8:58 am

Hi girls:
I was hoping you could help since this is a forum for women's topic. How many of you in here have trouble making and keeping friends with others that are women?

So far I have had three females who called themselves my "Friend" at some point in my life and then seem to abandon me when that special someone comes along. I know this sounds common but it is almost like I have appeared to be a joke to them.



BetwixtBetween
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03 Jan 2015, 11:50 am

That's so normal that it's a common complaint among NT girls attempting to maintain a friendship with each other. It's supposed to get better with age, but for some women it doesn't. Just remember all this when you pair off with someone, and don't completely abandon your friends.

The best way to cope is to not just have one or two female friends you're really close to. The more female friends or acquaintances you feel comfortable enough going to a movie or something with, the less impact it will have (because it isn't very likely they'll all start new relationships at the exact same time*). It also helps to have guy friends. You can use your sense of abandonment as a bonding point, since it is such a common experience.

*Female friend abandonment tends to happen when romantic relationships are new. Eventually, they'll get back in touch. They owe you a coffee if they wait too long though.



Summer_Twilight
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03 Jan 2015, 12:46 pm

I do have more male than female friends right now and honestly it is working out really well. I have also re-connected with female friends after a year or more of non communicating and it has not worked out.

For instance I had reconnected with one of them after her mother accidentally dialed my parent's home phone number. One thing led to another and I stayed at her house one night. The majority of the time she either had one of her guy friends over or was on the phone. Then after that I would call and I would get the gerbil from her next to being unreliable.

We reconnected after she got pregnant from sleeping around all the time. I think it was better that she abandoned me the first time and left it at that. Do I miss her? Oh yes. That is because I wanted to have a close friend to grow old with.



MindBlind
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13 Jan 2015, 6:40 pm

As an adult, I don't particularly struggle to make female friends anymore than making male friends. But when I was younger I think I found it a little bit harder to make friends with girls purely because girls tend to develop social and emotional intelligence much faster than boys. But post puberty, that gap tends to close between the genders.

I wouldn't simply discriminate due to gender, because there are loads of women that simply aren't like that and you do miss out if you avoid them. Just try to look for the characteristics that you see in your male friends and you'll probably find it easier to make female friends. Well, assuming you even want female friends at all.



Amity
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14 Jan 2015, 5:58 am

For me it's a trust piece, the women in my life hurt me, but only because I let my guard down and think I can be myself with them. I dislike bitchiness in men as much as in women, it's just more common in women.
I can be fake friends with women, maybe I've mostly known narcissists though. I've had a few genuine friendships, but even the long term ones end when I've made enough faux pas.
I think its fairly common for friendships to become less significant when 'someone special' comes along, though I have noticed that after the honeymoon phase, the friend often reappears.



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Tufted Titmouse
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14 Jan 2015, 10:11 am

I get along with males better, and have/had many friends in school/uni and later in life. My parents asked me if they were special friends, but no, just very, very good friends.
Have one female friend, she is an aspie too, and we get along fine. NT women baffle me, talking about things that I am totally ignorant of (and not interested in all the same...)



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15 Jan 2015, 10:44 pm

Honestly, I have a hard time talking to other women. I have a few female friends and they are all very geeky.

It takes a long time for NT women who aren't geeky (like relatives) to "get" me. I really rub them the wrong way, but once they understand me, we get along just fine. Of course, problems still crop up when they think I'm making fun of them because I am "aloof" and say weird things or laugh at jokes they don't get. But if they accept me, they can move past these little incidents.

Getting NT women to trust me is super hard, though. I have to work so much and most of them seem to do no work at all (I'm guessing I'm misreading social cues here). And usually it's not worth the effort for me. They are often quite boring (small talk! boys! shopping!) and only get interesting at random times. I'm lucky the relatives I have to spend the most time with (I have two mother in laws!) are pretty great. I had to learn to accept their NTness just as much as they had to accept my traits, too. It is not a process I (or most NTs) go through easily.


_________________
Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder 19 June 2015.


downbutnotout
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16 Jan 2015, 12:49 am

It's partially environment for me, and partially interests. I meet many more men who like the specific things I do, and the classes I take have 2-4 girls each including me and a dozen or more guys. Maybe 2015 will go better, because I have a new coworker and have a couple women classmates who might be in groups with me.

I think a lot of people get distracted by new relationships, though.



nomoretears
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16 Jan 2015, 8:29 am

I have a hard time making friends, period, but especially with women.

I have very little in common with most women. Most of my interests are male dominated. Most women aren't interested in things like edged weapons, weightlifting, parkour, boxing, etc. There might be one women per every 5 men. I'm a tomboy in a dress.

Even pointing out that I'm different offends nt females. I've had issues with women picking on me moreso than with men. I'm quiet and aloof so women think I'm snobby. I dont like small talk. Trying to make friends with nt women is a herculean task.