Question: Romantically attracted to older men?

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Hello, women with autism,

Once, a therapist who specializes in autism told me that unusual romantic attractions are more common among autistic people than among neurotypical people. The therapist said, “Some women with autism have told me that they feel romantically attracted to men who are much older than them.”

Have you ever felt romantically attracted to a man who is much older than you?
(For example, 10 years older or more)

Do you more often feel attracted to older men, than to men your own age?

I am sincerely interested to hear your responses to these questions. Thank you for sharing!

Yes, my fiance David is 10 years older than me!! !

Hello, Friends,

I while ago, I wrote: "a therapist who specializes in autism told me that unusual romantic attractions are more common among autistic people than among neurotypical people. The therapist said, “Some women with autism have told me that they feel romantically attracted to men who are much older than them.”"

I am revising my earlier post: I would like to define a "much older" man as at least 20 years older than you.

Have you ever felt romantically attracted to a man who is at least 20 years older than you?
Do you more often feel attracted to older men (your age + at least 20 years), than to men your own age?

Again, thank you for your replies!

I am in a relationship with an older man, although the stigma that I've received online about it is quite upsetting. I'm not with him for his money and he's not with me for sex. This is definite, because he has no money and lacks sex drive, so there's your answer (referring to the people who just think we're together because we're taking advantage of each other).

I feel men twice my age are more individualistic, where as men my age seem to look the same, with a neatly groomed beard and no grey hair. I don't like beards. I don't mind stubble or just a face that needs shaving, but I've never been attracted to men with beards that are neatly tended to.

When I was 15 I liked men in their 30s. Now I'm in my 30s, men in their 30s are too young for me. I now like men in their 50s and 60s, 40s maybe at a push.

If you are the same age there is the expectation you have the same interests and taste in music.
This is why researchers group people by generations. Everyone in the same generation is similar.

Large age differences throw this assumption out of the window.
A relationship can proceed without the burden of expectations.

I haven't been attracted to older men. At my age now I wouldn't want someone much older because they might die soon. I always liked guys who are very intelligent. If a man is smart enough to keep me interested his looks or age don't matter.

I hope nobody considers this gatecrashing, but it seems relevant, if from another angle.
There seems to be a woman chasing me who is less than half my age, but from clues dropped I'm sure she's only 25 years younger than me.(! !!) Yoga can do wondrous things.
Nonetheless, I am helpless to do anything but succumb to her opposing charge.
It's still a whirlwind of verbal flirtation and we have precious little overlap in culture or music and as yet I have no clue why she is aiming herself at me!
Not quite true.
I'm aware of most of my positive attributes, subconscious or projected, but fail to see how they can overcome such a difference in perspective.
I don't care that she's freaking me out. I'm sure I can acclimate if I can get her to stick around long enough.

There is a thought I should disengage BECAUSE I don't want her to see my death spiral, but she's amply old enough to know what she's doing and I haven't plied her with hypnotics (but she has fed me coke and fireball... See!...she's hunting me !)

JUST SHUT-UP AND WING IT HALO !

Er... sigh.

I considered this angle when I was younger. I was looking for someone who was mature enough to understand me better, to value me for my mind, not just my service (yes, that is a euphemism). I had seen men of my father's generation showing honor and integrity and steadfastness toward each other and I wanted that. I wanted a man to treat me with that kind of respect.

But age doesn't guarantee maturity, and an older man who would consider a much younger woman as a partner isn't looking for equality. A good reality check might be to ask yourself what he is looking for, and whether that matches up with your expectations.

I've never been in a relationship with a man *less* than 20 years older than me.

40 years, then 22 years, then 35 years, each spanning a significant period of time in my life.

No daddy issues from me, surprisingly, but submissiveness resulting from childhood trauma, which is appealing to a certain sort of man. ('Feminine.' 'Gentle.' 'Fairy-like.' Lots of words that meant submissive.)

I had a very strange childhood, so as a teenager and in my 20s I couldn't relate to men my own age. Their experiences and attitudes were utterly unlike my own - beyond the autism, there was a gulf. Older men swooped in. I felt less different, less conspicuously odd. I felt charming and attractive.

I don't know about attraction, though. I received the message, "You are attracted to me," and that served perfectly well, at the time. I certainly thought I was attracted, and in love. I would have said at any point that I was attracted to older men - romantically, passionately, intellectually attracted to these men. Their careers were interesting. Sex was playful and exploratory. We had sophisticated conversations at nice restaurants.

In fact, I think mostly what it boiled down to was that their certainty made up for my lack of insight into my own subjective experience. I thought I was a person who really liked sex, but now I think I am probably asexual, for example.

The ending of each was like emerging from a cocoon, intensely confusing and distressing for me. But I learnt important things about myself, about communication, about people. All of the social skills I currently have I acquired through these relationships. In two of the three cases I think dating a man my own age would have been much less pleasant.

Learning experience. Not intrinsically good or bad, looking back. (Or, unfortunate in some ways, but not irredeemable.) Certainly not recommended, though. I would have been better off making a friend.

How they introduce you to *their* friends is a reasonably reliable gauge of their level of respect, I think. Or that was my experience. Make sure they do, make sure you're comfortable with how they're representing the relationship to people their own age; whatever they're like with you in private make sure you contextualise it in the context of their life more broadly. Would be my advice to a woman resembling the woman I once was

Older men are cute.