Do Aspies have a desire to be special?

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My bad, when I saw the title in the email notification I went, ah oh, I screwed up.

And yeah, we do come with the comorbids to be sure. Bipolar is one of mine. But then they said at one point I was epileptic and at one point ADHD and even before that "gifted normal", my how times and labels change over the course of 57 years. But, we're all different in our sameness. I didn't think you were joking in that sense. So as far as changes in my personality, it can be rather rude and fast. But Bipolar isn't always the cause of it either. I do think there is another very common comorbid that is very rampant here. The older you get the harder it can hit and that is a form of PTSD. It can mimic a lot of things that are very easy to call something else, makes it all the harder to sort through, so for the most part, I don't anymore. Now I'm looking at Hepatitis C and what it is doing to my mental state and I don't mean knowing I have it. I just discovered it can mess with my sleep and need for sleep, something I had been thinking was more PTSD related or possibly Bipolar and was pinning some of it as an AS trait, I just don't know yet and probably never will. It also would have been very easy for another to see as a sign of depression. But, I won't mess with it long, kind of put it to the side and bring it up if needed at the shrinks, see what he's got to say about it.

But even without the Schzotyal label, we're different and I like it.

My style is "boring nerd". Pants and shirts and loafers. I have plain short straight brown hair, and wear glasses, and no makeup. I'm a klutz, my behavior tends to be eccentric, and I have crap for social skills, but none of that stuff is intentional. I don't wish to be regarded as "special" in either the "Not something you see every day" sense, or in the "short bus" sense. However, I do enjoy being accepted and appreciated for who I am, just as much as the next person.

I'm a 48 yo man that has a ponytail to my butt and wears bib overalls most of the time. I'm not sure if that's because I'm an Aspie, or the biker persona I wear to make bullies think twice.

Sometimes people who are different in a way that we can't help, try to be different in a way that we can help, to feel as if we have some choice in the matter. Rather than to get attention. Although if we get attention for being different in a way that we are able to help, we can delude ourselves into thinking, "Gee, I could have avoided that kind of attention if I wanted to, I just didn't want to," and avoid thinking about the fact that there are many things weird about us that we couldn't lose even if we tried.

You're describing teens/young adults, Aspie or otherwise. Most people like to be different and need attention at that age.
I was an attention-starved goth girl 10 years ago. Now I dress for comfort and don't want attention!

I certainly went through a phase when I was a teenager - I remember a period where I would wear a single leather glove on my left hand (this was prior to Michael Jackson making the one-glove-look into a fashion statement).

I didn't think of it in terms of "making a statement" at the time - it was more an externalization of my semi-conscious understanding that I was different from those around me. I didn't want to be cool, I just wanted (unconsciously) to clarify that I wasn't living on the same planet that everyone else was.

In hindsight, it wasn't the most sensible thing to do - there were a lot of negative repercussions.

Later, I wore loud shirts and cowboy boots. The boots were a bit fetishistic, I suppose. I'm 6'3" in sneakers, and with 2" heels I'm downright intimidating.

Nowadays my "style" is simply black-black-black. If anyone asks about my color-challenged wardrobe, I respond (as glibly as possible) that I'm in mourning for my life. Heh. It is, of course, the absolute truth, but the questioner generally chuckles and wanders off thinking I'm being clever.

On the one hand, it seems entirely reasonable that I want to be noticed - perhaps in the hope of enticing the interest of a compatible partner. On the other hand, I generally feel like I just want to be left alone. Perhaps this is one of the fundamental confusions inherent in AS - most of us want a significant-other, few of us are comfortable with social burdens.

Nick

Do I desire to be "special"? Hmmm....let's see, was always a "weird" dresser. Always had a unique style.

It's continued. Always vintage jewelry. Usally vintage styles. I'm a huge fan of vintage shoes and wear them ALOT! I have red hair with purple and blonde streaks. Pierced nose. I have lots of unique skirts that I made myself. Usually sequins and beads.

Did I strive for this? No, it just happened that way. Now, it's kinna like...modeling for my students that different may be weird, but weird is good!

As far as clothing goes, I suppose most ASD people have a priority of wearing what feels good or familiar or something... or that is something to stim on. Like a velvet jacket, when it's out of style is still a velvet jacket and nice to feel. Certain kinds of jewelry might spin or make a tinkling sound.

I think probably at some point some autistics try to fit in to avoid being abused any more than they already are... but before that they might wear the totally wrong thing because they think it's pretty or because they can only wear red... red underwear, red socks, red pants, red shirt...

Then when fitting in doesn't work... for some it's like

"I hate you people and your burdensome social and fashion rules. I will wear what I want to wear and maybe even stuff I don't want to wear if it bugs you badly enough....."

Attention can be scary for me, but it's true that I want to be special somehow and do things my own way...

I think the special concept drives me not so much in drawing attention on a daily basis, but in bigger ways. The fact that I'm not as socially successful as some makes me want to succeed with my talents instead. I know I dream "too big" (if that's possible), but I want to stand out with my talents. I want to leave something worthwhile behind.

personally I wear alot of what is commonly referred to as biker shirts. Usually with something that I understand and I enjoy tho thge tribal shirts I wear because I like their look. My favorite shirt is a black and red shirt with a multicolored dragon in bright vibrant colors. They are usually accompanied with Jeans so not ground breaking but I don't dress what most would consider "normal"

Last edited by Abangyarudo on 21 Dec 2007, 1:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think of Andy Warhol as an example of someone whose perseveration was "how can I be popular?" He studied the lay of the land, so to speak in the design/art world in NYC and figured out who he needed to know to get invited to the "right" parties. There's the social skills part of moving up the social ladder, but there's also a set of rules. Andy Warhol totally lacked the social skills part. He never learned social skills in the usual sense, but he learned that certain people would tolerate him because he was like a walking work of performance art. He was weird, but weird in a way that he could pass off as eccentric genius artist. If his talent had been piano tuning, he probably couldn't have made it into the jet set parties, but he was an artist and the beautiful people made room for some artists, and their eccentricities.

He didn't particularly like who he was, he wanted to be more socially suave, but he couldn't do it. And he became so famous that in the end people were desperate to let them be a part of his crowd.

So did he want to be special originally? I don't know, I think he just wanted to figure out how not to be hated and shunned. Sound familiar?

Uhm........no.

I don't desire to be special.

or stand out among the crowd.

I'm a stage person, I am who I am.

I go by my nicname at school, Ninja, because of my tendencies to shadow people, or to sneak up behind them.

I lip sync.

I'm me.

being autistic, or having Asperbergs, has nothing to do with it.

I don't desire to be special.

I AM special.

That' what she said. (Sorry, I had to throw it in somewhere)

They could be trying to fit in, and they're doing the best they can with their limited social ability; the lack of social awareness can lead one to present themselves in a way that isn't mainstream.

Generally, a lack of fashion sense and care for the same is an Asperger's/autism thing (it's a social construct after all).

E: And to point out the obvious, they could be completely normal in their desire to look different/special.

I used to do goofy things to attract attention and I would wear clothes to attract attention too. Like I used to wear my 101 Dalmatian shirt when I was 11 just for attention and then I started wearing it when I want to, not for attention.

I have tried to dress like other kids when I was little to try and fit in.


Now I don't dress in anyway to attract attention. I wear what I like.

But in high school I wore this Barbie coat and lot of kids liked it and all wanted to wear it. All the attention was too much for me because it was so overwhelming, I hated all the attention I was getting so I stopped wearing it to school. I wanted to be left alone and not have everyone talking to me about my coat and distracting me from my video games.


I wear clothes that are out of style though and tend to wear clothes that aren't my age. Either I am dressed younger or older. I don't care for fashion. I have so many clothes, I don't buy anymore.