Do others not like you because you're quiet?

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I have unnerved many people at work places throughout my time in employment by supposedly sneaking up on them. I tend to go up to a person and wait untill they turn around before I talk to them, hence they dont hear me and then jump out of their skin when they turn around and I am there! I never think to tap them on the shoulder first or alert them I am there.

I can also be very quiet when I am in a big group of friends or work colleagues, which can make me seem aloof or not really interested. In reality this can be very overwhelming and I have to sit back and just take it all in

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard... funny because it's true... and because I do it too. Some of the more forthright people in my previous workplace said things like "When were you going to tell me you were there?" or "You really should have announced that you were there... it's weird to look up and see someone just standing there"

Aspergers is such a pain in the ass... I hate the way those situation make me feel.

I wouldn't want to change you, Amber
It'd be kinda cool to be liked by a small percentage of people on any given day. By liked I mean, have them treat me like they would everyone else and giving me a chance to prove myself before making assumptions about me. That would be cool.

Good point, Amber, maybe the quiet ones aren't as trusted by the more sociable who think they are quiet for a clandestine reason, one that isn't so pleasant. They shouldn't attribute sinister qualities to mere silence, but sometimes they do. They tend to get superstitious about the unknown quantity, definitely!

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 06 Dec 2008, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've done this so much that I've often joked that I should wear a bell around my neck!

I do that all the time as well. I don't feel the need to a announce when I've arrived. I just tend to wait for them to turn around.

When I was at school I used to be quiet and hardly spoke to anyone, and people hated me because of that. Now I talk to people, but I say the wrong things, so they still hate me.

Yes, but I learned there was more to it when someone finally asked me why I was always glaring at them. I was horrified to know that I was, I didn't realize. Now I make much more effort to at least keep my face neutral when I'm around people. Takes real effort. I always catch myself frowning... I do that when I focus, think, etc. Course when I'm around people I have to concentrate on myself constantly to come off as 'normal' so it's a catch 22.

Yup, me too. I walk softly and people misplace me all the time. When I approach someone who's working, I don't want to interrupt, so I wait for them to notice me. I assume they'll feel me standing in their space. This isn't always the case.

People never liked me because I was quiet in school. People would always tell me I was too "anti social". And I don't recall ever meeting someone who hasen't asked, "Why're you so shy?".

I had to do volunteer work for one school I attended and one of the places I volunteered at was an apartment building for elderly or disabled people. Of course, they were all overjoyed to have some company and were kind of confused that I was so unresponsive. So the desk lady had to explain "Oh, she's really shy" to about everyone that approached us and I tried my best not to cringe or run away when they messed with my hair or touched my face. It got quite tiresome.

Ha, I'm the exact same way. My mother complains all the time because I'm always "sneaking up on her". I've got into the habit of making my footsteps louder now when I approach people so they know I'm standing there without having to speak or scare them.

I sometimes get the uncanny feeling that people both like and hate what I say.

Weird.

People often ask why i am so quiet. Didn't know that they don't like quiet people. Is this always the case? Should I assume that they don't like me when people comment on my quietness?

I'm reading each post and going "yep, thats me"......

I hate when people come into my house. I go hide upstairs with the cat. (he takes off as soon as the doorbell rings).

Then I get the "being rude" lecture because I'm not offering people drinks and being a host. My OH has learned to leave me be when this happens, as its only his friends and family that come over. (I have about 2 friends, and wouldn't know what to do if one was invited over)


I'm currently suffering through Xmas parties. I hate when people ask questions out of politeness, but they don't really care about the answer. It took me a while to work that out. Kinda like the "how are you" response when greeting someone. I don't bother giving a detailed reply, as I feel its pointless.

Hows work? fine.
Hows your horse? good.
Hows your other animals? good.
<grabs drink and hides in a corner to avoid people>

I copped the "are you ok, you are so quiet".... I had a few choice phrases ready to fire off, but I held my tongue. I have 2 work parties coming up and I really really really don't want to go. I don't get along with the girls - I'm not interested in fashion, make up, gossip etc. The guys leave me alone because I'm too quiet.


I also do the sneak up on people and wait for them to turn around thing....

I had very few friends at school, and all my reports said that I needed to contribute more in class. I was called a snob many times. I think the problem is that NT people need to "classify" people, and when you don't talk, they don't have enough information to suss you out, so they react badly.

I find that I can talk to people much better one on one, but as the numbers increase, I can't handle it, and just go quiet. I think 3 is my max group size.


Its just so nice to get home and stop having to pretend and try to fit in...

I have had many ocassions when it appears that people don't like me because I am quiet and not always very conversational. My 'friends' would complain about things behind my back like me not having long conversational answers to their questions and queries. They hated that I just said one or two word answers to their questions, but I did answered the questions.

Yeh, it's true indeed. I have it the same. I think that it's why I don't have friends. I only talk when I want to and about something that is interesrting to me. Being forced to conversation is extremely frightening and distressing... Why can't people understand that silence is more plesant than talking, sometimes...

Iwas abonded by my dad when i was three he still owes my mom $300,000 to this day.

I don't know if people don't like me because I'm too quiet. I've never asked them.
They may feel uncomfortable around me.

My mum does get angry at me when I'm really quiet though, like when I become non-verbal. She just thinks I can snap out of it.