Does anyone here almost not speak at all?

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I can talk a lot on occasion, often too much, but most of the time I'm in silence, way more than people around me. However, I'm getting slowly better at social conversations with time.

I talk to my parents a few minutes or so a day, and that's it. I've never thought to add up the number of words a week, but it's probably less than 100.

I thought aspies were iperlexic and auties hated to speach...
so I was wrong.

I only talk to people in my family really, and sometimes that seems too much talking. I can easily chat with just about anybody if I have a clear purpose, like discussing something important, trying to get some information, sharing common interest, questions and answers...etc. If I don't have any reason to talk to people I'm not motivated. Although I did manage (suffering through) about 1 hour of chatting with my parents on the phone every week. I don't know what they think or if they can tell, but I mostly do it because "talk to parents" is on my to-do list every week. Crossing that off is a huge relief. That's why if they call me again after I think I've already done enough talking for the week I get ticked off. I know it's not reasonable, but I can't help it. I don't like talking unless it's for a clear purpose.

My brother is also an aspie and when we talk occasionally, it's never more than a few sentences to discuss practical issues. When we write email to each other, it's never more than a couple lines, and always about important matters. I just love that.

Several years ago, when I was still in high school, I would "monologue" to a few people pretty regularly. But for the most part, I still didn't really talk that much.

Since then, I've realized that most people don't really want to hear about anything in too much detail, so I've basically given up trying to have interesting conversations with people.

So how much of this is sort of passively choosing not to speak as opposed to actual difficulty in speaking?

I know that I am quite content with not talking much. I suppose if I had things my way, I would talk very little, ESPECIALLY just the small talk most people seem to like. I definitely Clint Eastwood, not Jim Carrey.

For me, it is a combination. I actually like to talk. I enjoy talking, but when I talk, I talk too much about the wrong subject, so people get annoyed; for this reason, I avoid talking. I also have difficulty responding to people because my memory is really slow to change topics. Finally, I just have nobody to talk to.

Last edited by Yensid on 03 Mar 2011, 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'd say for me the difficulty speaking is a part. I want to say some things but they never come out, and instead I say more trivial things that are more a matter of just giving the right responses to what people are saying than actually communicating. I end up in a 15-20 minute conversation without ever getting what I want to say out. Also, people tend to talk over me when I try to talk, which is another difficulty.

I think just being comfortable not talking is perhaps a greater part.

Except to my husband and my son, I don't usually speak to anyone unless I am asked a question, or unless I have a reason why I really have to speak to someone. Sometimes I can enjoy talking about myself or about something that is important to me, but it has to be in the right setting and I do find it tiring. Speech does not come easily to me as a way of communicating, and my interactions with people need to have a clear focus. Most of the time I don't like talking and only speak on a have to basis. I have selective mutism too, although I have got a bit better, I think it will always be with me to some extent and in a group situation I don't usually feel able to speak at all. In public I feel really self-conscious about speaking, about the way I sound and that affects my physical ability to talk in those situations. When I was in school I hardly spoke, and would often go for the whole school day barely saying a word to anyone.

It's sort of a gray area for me. Difficulty in speaking definitely makes me much more hesitant to do so even when I'm in a verbal mood. However, much of the time I don't have the desire to speak because I'm in a non-verbal state of mind where I'm not thinking in words and the effort to translate to words just seems like a nuisance.

That's a good question. For me, I think there are multiple reasons. One is having trouble turning thoughts into words. On another level, my life history is pretty different than average by now, so there isn't a lot to relate to with people my age. I guess those would qualify as "not desiring to."

And then at times it is physically difficult to speak (feels like a lead fishing weight is pressing down on my tongue). And at other times the sound of my own voice will be discombobulating (like if I'm overloaded, it will make it worse). And so those would qualify as it being difficult.



I remember saying once to someone, "do you ever feel like you want to give up speech, but are afraid that if you do, you'll somehow lose it forever?" (And they basically said back, "WTF, am I talking to a clone?")

I would answer "yes" to this question.

For me not speaking is a combination of both:

There are many times and situations when I have something to contribute and really want to speak, but physically can't. It just won't happen. It's most definitely not a choice. It's frustrating and probably the major cause of meltdown (sometimes delayed) for me. Is this selective mutism?

There are other times when I passively choose to not speak because it is easier than being misunderstood/misinterpreted (which seems to happening with an increasing frequency as I grow older). When I choose not to speak in this way, I usually feel quite content with that decision.

As for actually speaking ...

There are times when I can actually hold a conversation that seems to go quite well (most often at work rather than socially). But as I've realised recently, it seems the conversation hasn't always gone as well as I thought it had, and it also appears that I filter out a lot of "background information" due to the level of concentration required to hold a conversation. Background information which may actually be important and relevant.

And then there are times when I choose to speak, but it all goes horribly wrong for whatever reason (misunderstanding) and it ends in meltdown.

And then there are the times that I just talk at people. I've recently realised that I do this a lot with my husband.

That sounds like I actually talk a lot. But I'm definitely on the few words side of thing (outside of work, where I have to speak).

Last edited by YellowBanana on 03 Mar 2011, 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Over the years I've heard one other person say that, and one other who agreed when I mentioned it.

So, the clone army grows...

I actually tried to forget how to talk when I was younger. I mean, there were times when I couldn't, but it wasn't something I could turn on or off at will. I've never liked feeling like I'm on the spot, which is generally whenever someone asks me a question, especially if it's an interruption. I would like that pressure to speak (not pressured speech, it's external and imposed) to go away and not happen.

At the same time I do appreciate verbal communication in terms of convenience when I need it, but alternatives do exist.

Yeah, I've realized that a significant drain of energy when I go out is the expectation that I'll have to verbally respond (and hear, too, maybe) to people. It's like I have to keep a part of my brain "spooled up," just in case, and that that has a price.

As a kid I'd take a long time to answer, but I think people thought it was cute to see a kid "thinking so hard." Later, they'd walk off and/or get mad and such. So, there's a lot of (negative) conditioning to feel obligated to respond to people on their terms.


Yeah, it's definitely a verbally-oriented world. At times I've tried letting the speech part of my brain switch off, but haven't really worked up the guts to try writing at times or anything else.