Crying when angry or defending yourself

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So relieved to read these posts.
So glad this is not just me.

Yes I cry. For me it's when I'm frustrated - which I guess covers angry, defending yourself, being misunderstood and many other situations for me. I'm not too good at identifying what's going on with me beyond OK, happy & frustrated.

Yes it is embarrassing, and more still when people think you're doing it on purpose in some manipulative way.

Why the hell would I make such an idiot out of myself if I didn't have to?

I'm susceptible to it too, particularly when dealing with unjust accusations or yelling, which I have dealt with once in a blue moon in the past (particularly in a workplace setting). I was able to defend my stance to a certain degree by being assertive, but there are just some people out there who don't give a S*** what you have to say or want to know what struggles you have had. Usually this is a "Type A"personality, and as far as I'm concerned, putting an Aspie in the same room as an NT Type A is like putting a Jew in a room with a Nazi. But I digresss - I avoided crying in these situations, I waited till at home to let it out, or just worked out at the gym.

I believe that this perception of Aspies having a "thin skin" is not one of their core symptoms, but the product of years of persecution, harassment, and misunderstandings in general of them (e.g. false criticism that they are "insensitive" to the needs of others, but this is a hypocritical statement that many NT's make).

That is one thing I could live without but I really don't have any advice since it really sneaks up on you. I never know when I am going to cry when describing something that upset me.. it just hits me mid sentence.

I USED to work as a customer service rep for AT&T and once a week you had to sit down with your supervisor and listen to one of your calls you had that day and they grade it.

I hated this because that is my personality on the call and they are cutting it down. Saying I talked to fast or too slow, or talked over the customer.. Or and this is the big one, left too much dead air on the call.

Any way I told my supervisor that I felt like she was just bashing me and I teared up while explaining why. I just shut down and agreed with everything she said. I was able to mostly hold it back thank god. Work is somewhere I do not want to make my self look vulnerable by crying.

Also thank god I don't work there any more. Because some of the customers are so mean and will say such hurtful things to you, it just makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I am the exact same way! It is beyond embarassing, especially because i can't talk to my teachers about anything I need or they did wrong without sobbing. Today my teacher switched my seat with a kid whose 504 plan puts him at the front of the room. I don't have any plans in place (IEP, 504), but i always am sure to sit in the front of the class, as it is much easier for me to focus. I swear it was so tough not to cry! I hate that it keeps me from doing things. I tried to talk to him, but I couldn't do anything about my seat without crying, so I did nothing.... again.

Sometimes you're better off crying than not asking.

When I get angry my lips curl exposing my teath and my eyes widen I have been told I look psychotic when I get really pissed. My father would beat the s**t out of when I would cry when I was little so I can hold back tears pretty well now but my anger is a different story.

I have this happen at work ALL the time. There will be a period of weeks where it goes by in perfect routine, without incident. But if someone insults my intelligence, or if some clearly stupid, abitrary change is made to my routine, i'll spend five hours on the brink of tears. I must look like a total mess by the end! Then i'll clear the building and just cry the whole way home.

I haven't broken down in front of anyone since highschool, but i'm not getting any better at this.

Edit: Oh, but on the flipside, i never cry when the pain is someone else's. People (not even my friends) would regularly come to me for pretty deep advice because i seemed so "level" and rational. Once, on a drive with my friend, we came across a provisionally-licensed motorcyclist who had mangled himself somewhat, and while my friend was being uselessly emotional i organised an ambulance and kept him stable (and kept his helmet on!).

So being this badly wired does rarely have an upside! :p

I cry too, if I'm angry or having a confrontation or if I'm frustrated...pretty much anything will make me cry. I can't seem to control it. I used to be unable to talk while I was crying. When I was a teenager I started writing things down so that I could explain myself while I couldn't talk, and showing it to the person I would have talked to if I could have talked. I think that helped me get to the point where I could talk while crying, because I can now.

I've always had to deal with this and never knew why. I've managed not to break down in tears since high school, but it has still put me in a tight spot a few times. There's nothing that breaks your image of a big strong man yelling angrily at some injustice than to start crying in the middle of it.

Question for my fellow criers: if you lose the ability to speak, do you think you might be able to write? When I lose it, I have all the words I want to say formed fully in my head, I just can't get my mouth to say them.

The reason I'm asking is that I don't really have the opportunity to test this theory, myself, since I've developed the ability to delay crying I'm kind of a slave to it now. I think it might be worthwhile to give it try with someone you trust; it might at least help illustrate that what's happening to you isn't garden-variety crying.

Thank you - very good to know. I can see where this isn't a viable option if the person you're trying to communicate with doesn't understand AS, but I think it might be really helpful when you're trying to explain something to a counselor, spouse, teacher, etc.