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JWS
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14 Aug 2011, 9:15 pm

my NT wife has decided to divorce me apparently partly because of my High functioning Autism problems. She kinda beat around the bush about it, but let me know I am "not enough fun" for her to be around me. She enjoys going to Karaoke bars and getting drunk. She loves sex; but not with her husband.
I have had enough of this! Any other men or women on Wrong Planet ever have to deal with similar situations? :roll:
I am now trying to get my life up and running, again.
Maybe I could find an Aspie girl who would really understand love and love me? :)


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Callista
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14 Aug 2011, 10:12 pm

I'm surprised it lasted that long, if she kept having sex with random men instead of her husband of less than a year. She sounds... uh... not very nice.


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Panic
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14 Aug 2011, 10:43 pm

whoa man that sounds tuff



johnsmcjohn
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14 Aug 2011, 10:44 pm

That sucks but the better you get her out of your life the better you'll feel. From what you have said, she probably would have made your life miserable until you divorced so the sooner the better.



MakaylaTheAspie
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14 Aug 2011, 10:49 pm

It's probably going to be awhile before I settle down with someone. :) (I mean a long time before I settle down with someone. possibly 30)


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HemDeviance
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14 Aug 2011, 11:36 pm

I actually went through something similar, except we were together 4 years, never married, but we had a family...

Now she lives up the road with her favorite fling, and I have a mortgage, with our daughter and her son living with me full-time... (I'm not bitter, it's just not at all how I thought my life would go.) Sorry I don't have any advice, but I read your post and kinda know what you're feeling. Good for you, wanting to move on... and good luck in the future.



OddFinn
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15 Aug 2011, 1:43 am

I was married to my first wife almost for 20 years. When I received my official AS diagnose, it was like the final straw and she wanted a divorce.

My current wife knew of my AS right from the beginning of our relationship. We have been married over a year now, and we are happy together.


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Gedrene
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15 Aug 2011, 5:45 am

JWS wrote:
my NT wife has decided to divorce me apparently partly because of my High functioning Autism problems. She kinda beat around the bush about it, but let me know I am "not enough fun" for her to be around me. She enjoys going to Karaoke bars and getting drunk. She loves sex; but not with her husband.
I have had enough of this! Any other men or women on Wrong Planet ever have to deal with similar situations? :roll:
I am now trying to get my life up and running, again.
Maybe I could find an Aspie girl who would really understand love and love me? :)


Your wife is a douche using your diagnosis to treat you as less of a Human Being than her. Also she's not honest with her feelings, which makes her an awful spouse. Also she seems to have no sense of regard for you. So much for us lacking empathy. You haven't lost much. I hope that fact helps you get over it.



JWS
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16 Aug 2011, 1:14 am

I very honestly believe my wife has some bad mental troubles of her own.
After telling me the things I've already posted about, she's apparently changed her mind- at least in one regard: she now tells me she still wants to be "best friends", and go out with me, sometimes...??????? I'm a praying man, and I sincerely hope she IS being sincere about all the new things she's saying....*SIGH*
At least now when she promises me she'll do something, she has started actually doing it- keeping her promise to me. That's "new and improved"- especially for her. Maybe she's actually really praying now, herself? I do- a LOT!
I re-read what I had posted earlier to do with sex- no offense meant to anyone, there- I should have already been in bed, then- I was too sleepy when I wrote that. :oops:
She never "ran around" on me- just was no longer interested in me that way. We were quite different in what we most liked. Enough said- I'll stop here.
Thanks for your answers and advice to me, everyone! I try to respond. Sometimes it just takes me a while.

JW


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OddFinn
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16 Aug 2011, 1:33 am

Perhaps it is not too late to seek counseling together? If nothing helps, then it might be the time to move on.


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ToughDiamond
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16 Aug 2011, 5:42 am

Dunno......no matter how lonely I get, I would always leave any partner who was sexually unfaithful to me even once, especially if she were married to me. Unless the circumstances were VERY unusual indeed. In my experience, the more tolerant I am, the more people decide that it's OK to take liberties with me. If she's so much in need of a better man, why doesn't she just leave you and get on with it? Where's her conscience?

I'd start looking around for something better if I were you. It can't be much of a life living with somebody who keeps telling you that you're inadequate, in one way or another.



LostUndergrad9090
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16 Aug 2011, 5:51 am

Remember there is a tomorrow and she can up and leave you again at anytime.



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16 Aug 2011, 7:04 am

JWS wrote:
my NT wife has decided to divorce me apparently partly because of my High functioning Autism problems. She kinda beat around the bush about it, but let me know I am "not enough fun" for her to be around me. She enjoys going to Karaoke bars and getting drunk. She loves sex; but not with her husband.
I have had enough of this! Any other men or women on Wrong Planet ever have to deal with similar situations? :roll:
I am now trying to get my life up and running, again.
Maybe I could find an Aspie girl who would really understand love and love me? :)


Sort of similar to what I went through except we didn't know I had aspergers and we lasted 7 years. She said she wanted a divorce so I put the wheels in motion. Then we agreed to wait until we had lived apart long enough to qualify for a "quicky" divorce so no blame put on anyone, then she changed her mind and blamed me for unreasonable behaviour and we divorced with me taking the blame. Every couple of weeks she'd want us to get back together as I was such a great person then it would change to me being the most selfish person in the world. I was gutted at the time but divorce was the best way forward.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.



OJani
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16 Aug 2011, 7:24 am

Honestly, it's so sad to see other men with ASD struggling with relationships.

My friend told me not to disclose my personal attributes too soon to anybody I dating with, including a possible AS diagnosis, but I can not identify with his suggestion. I feel I would lie if I didn't tell.

I think it's better to cut off a relationship in time if it turns bad for whatever reason. You would have to pay for it more eventually if you didn't. I feel I always pay a great deal of emotional suffering for every brake up, and what's worse, I feel every time it happens a piece of my shattered heart is taken with her... What will remain over time? :(


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OddFiction
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16 Aug 2011, 8:03 am

It's possible to love someone while knowing that a life together will not work out well.



JWS
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18 Aug 2011, 7:13 pm

My wife and I have lived apart for about 3 weeks, now.
We have stayed in fairly good contact, which actually has improved a little over the past week.
She actually told me yesterday, when we went out together for a while, that she didn't want me to "feel like a failure, because you're not one". She also told me I am one of the sweetest and best men she had ever known! And she told me she always wants to be "best friends, no matter what happens".
So she made me feel considerably better about things between us. My only hope is this seeming change of heart will just continue evolving in her.
We actually do go to counseling, tomorrow. It's just individual counseling, but she's never indicated she wants to change how we have it set up (we always have it the same day at the same time. I needed this, myself, and she agreed to it).
I just pray to God for things between us to keep getting better & better, again! *sigh*


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