I just don't get NT men :/

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Hey there, so I've recently been rediagnosed with not only OCD but also PDD-NOS, so I'm not sure if that qualifies me for the Autistic spectrum but it sure pushes me out of the NT loop.

Anyways today I'll be ranting about a text I just received from a guy that I've been interested in since the Summer. I met him on a Online dating site and we really clicked, we talked on Skype a few times and he seemed really really into me. This was good because I was really into him as well, he's really hot. (Yeah, I'm shallow I only consider hot guys so sue me) Anyways we were constantly talking about when we were going to meet. And at first it was great, but the thing is he started wanting nude and sexy pics of me.

I thought, "okay, sure that's not a big deal" besides the dating site was a BDSM oriented site, which is a lifestyle I"ve been getting into, so I thought what could be the problem right. So after sending him several photos he suddenly then wanted a video of me masturbating and I sent thast to him as well. Now here's where things start to go wrong.....

After I sent him the video he says that he loved it and that it made him cum but then all of a sudden he starts post-poning when we're going to meet up, then he had the nerve to tell me on the same night he post-poned our meeting that he's sorry but he met someone else.


I can smell BS from a mile away, and I knew that was BS since it's very unlikely you would meet someone else in the span of a few hours. So I made a fake account on that dating website and messaged him with that pretending to be interested and wanting to know if he was too. Surprise, Surprise!! He responded and said yes he was very interested and wanted to know when we could meet!! Looks like my BS radar was working after all and he did lie to me.

Anyways I revealed to him that that account was fake and that was really me and told him why I created that account and how I suspected all along he was lying to me. I then asked him why he felt he needed to lie to me and just what exactly changed because he was really interested in me before.

He ignored me for quite a few weeks when he finally replied back and told me that the reason why he lied to get away from me was because he thinks that my parents would be a problem in us being together a lot, (My parents are scarily overprotective and I don't have a lot of freedom.) Plus he says he has a problem with me being only straight and that he's looking for a bisexual girl to perform for him.

Now I just had "straight" down in my dating profile because I was specifically trying to get men only, I am however really bi and have messed around with one of my best friends a few times. So then he told me, he'd finally meet up with me if I made a video messing around with a girl, therefore proving I was bi. He said though that it couldn't be my best friend who I've always messed around with, because he said she was too "fat" I had to find a girl thinner than me.


So I searched for many weeks, not having any luck since none of the girls I found not even the prostitutes were willing to be filmed. "Too risky" they said. I texted him 2 weeks ago asking him if it was possible if he could provide the girl for me, all he said was no, that this is a task I have to do and to "Not give up hope"

Then comes today, and just when I'm starting to make progress with my search he sends me a text saying this: "I'm sorry but it's not going to happen between you and me, it' s nothing you've done I'm just not interested."


WHAT. THE. f**k!! !! !! !! !


If he wasn't interested then why did he pretend to act so interested in me for so many months!! Why did he want me to send him pics of me and a video!! I. JUST. DO. NOT. GET MEN!! NT Men at least. They say, Aspie girls tend to understand guys better than girls, well guess what?? I'm one of those Aspie girls that understand girls and much much better than men. At least girls don't play games, I just cannot believe this and I don't even know where I went wrong.


What do you guys think happened, things started going wrong once I sent him that masturbation video, I'm wondering if he lost interest once he heard how weird my voice is (it is pretty weird) Or maybe it really is because of my parents, or was he never interested in the first place and was just messing with me It's one of those three and I'd really prefer to know which one it is. He thinks he's doing me a "favor" by not telling me the reason, just that he's "not interested" he thinks he's sparing my feelings, when really he's just making me extremely mad, hurt and confused. I would much rather he be honest about the "why" since as a non-NT girl I value honesty and bluntness much more over "being nice" Don't you guys feel the same way. :/

Anyways, thoughts on this.... I'm just so confused and now I'm wondering if maybe it's my taste in guys that's the problem. Maybe I shouldn't set my standards so high and only go for the hot guys. (He's also the lead singer in a band) Do good looking guys tend to play more games and be more dis-honest than plain, or ugly guys.

Please help.

"Cross-posted to the Women's discussion and Love and Dating sub-forums."

should be moved to love and dating or adult issues....

well....i dont really think there is anything to discuss....

seems like he used you for some pictures and a video and that is all he really wanted

why? i don't know you probably wont find an answer either.

you could ask him...no harm in it i guess but to maybe further annoy you and/or him.

he could maybe be embarrassed having met you on a bdsm forum or dating site...not really sure what that is....

could be any number of things....

no sense in really analyzing it because there is nothing more coming in to analyze.

It's easier to post on the General Autism Discussion forum because most people read your posts, more than any of the other topics.

Anyway - I agree with the original poster 100 percent. Whenever there's a man in the room (an uncle, my dad, my brother, anyone like that), and me and my mum and her sister are having a chat, the man would always butt in and say something that sounds like he's misunderstood us. Especially if we're talking about things what makes us anxious (my mum and her sister are NTs but have an anxiety disorder like me), the man will always criticise about us and say stupid things what ain't good advice to us at all.

That's only one of many examples. Yes, men and women can muck in together and talk, but sometimes certain topics just cannot be discussed between a man and a woman. I've known a lot of relationships ending up in bickering because the man doesn't understand how the woman is feeling about something. Men can't seem to understand that women are more emotional.

They do say that males have a slight touch of AS in them, but I think that was a bad idea to mention that because everyone's going to strongly oppose to that one. To some Aspies on here, all NTs are exactly the same and you meet one NT you met them all. That's not always true.

Yup. Don't believe everything men tell you.

It's a spectrum of its own, if you will. At the extreme ends, there is total honesty and constant lies and obfuscation. Most people eventually find a spot somewhere along that spectrum that they are relatively comfortable with. Both extremes obviously have their disadvantages, for obvious reasons.

The difference is that this guy didn't want a relationship with you, so he had no problem with lying. Lots of people in relationships lie, lie and lie again. Sometimes their whole life is lies. They can't stop or help themselves. I don't understand it but as you say, their lies eventually catch up with them.

The recent thread about whether AS people can be bullies hints that morality varies everywhere. That guy's behavior wasn't due to him being a typical NT man, whatever traits that may involve. He's just a scumbag.

BDSM, huh?
Looks like he have a need for attention, and you were his toy.

And probably he got low self-esteem by not wanting to see you personally. Or maybe a deformity on genitals, or sweat too much, or anything like that.

A NT would dump you AFTER sex. Is a rule. Like making an album.

Yes. Perhaps he might rethink his tactics if he were to experience five strikes of a sjambok at full pelt upon his bare, flabby ass.

He was clearly messing with you. He was never interested from the start, he just wanted to play around with your head. And he's a perve and your good looking enough so he used you as his plaything. There's this stereotype, that guys just wanna get in your pants, well with some guys its true.

Ok one thing you gotta know about NT men on dating sites especially is that many of them are either desperate or perves. Its likely their just looking for sex, see he just wanted to see you nude. And I bet ya if he did follow through with meeting up, all he'd want is to f**k. So unless you want to just be some online tease, any guy who even starts talking sex, dont talk to him. If your looking for dating, dont go further. Honestly some guys just go on those sites because their bored or they just wanna hook up. There not really looking for anyone seriously. It was a free online dating site right? I've kinda had that happen to me before, except to a lesser extent, I didnt send him any nude pics thankfully.

But I also have to warn you about the desperate guys. See not all guys are just looking to f**k, there's plenty of desperate guys who never had gfs or havent had a gf in ages. So they'll come on and if you talk to them, they'll suddenly be all over you and want to be your bf. I've ran into a few of them, if a guy does that, cut him off. Who cares about his feelings, one you dont know them. But if either party is desperate to begin with, its a recipe for failure. Unfortunately, I can imagine many of the aspie guys being like this.

And this is the reason why I stopped online dating...
If you wanna continue online dating, tread with caution.