trying not to be accused of bossing

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i have autism and i am disabled so need help & my mum is my carer i try to ask for help nicely & as a question so she can say no but she still feels like im bossing. How to get help without sounding bossy?

I have had this problem a lot ... from what I can tell, it's a "tone of voice" thing.

When I am explaining or teaching, my "tone of voice" drops in pitch. Becomes very flat and motone.

Um...but anyway, "please" and "thank you" go a long way towards alleviating bossiness. Asking someone to do a thing, instead of telling them to do it.

Also, using "sometimes I feel like...." statements are less aggressive than "this is how it is" statements.

For example:

bossy: "Things are really messed up. I can't figure out how to fill out this paperwork. I need you to do this for me cause I can't do it myself."

not bossy: "Sometimes I feel totally lost trying to figure out the paperwork. If you have the time, could you please help me with it?"