Lets stop trying to act like neurotypical people.

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Don't tell people what to do and what not to do, we all cope with life in our own ways. If trying to blend it works for some people (and I know for a fact it does) then let them do so. I for one prefer to blend in and not be noticed, so that people leave me alone more. It was hard sometimes but it gets easier after a while and I have benefited greatly from doing things like this. Respect those individual differences between people's abilities, life choices and the way the choose to present themselves. Some wish to always "be themselves", but life changes us all and we are all affected in different ways. Some do not mind being visibly different... others like myself wish to remain invisible in certain ways.

And there NOTHING wrong with that!

So this is going to be somewhat of inspirational post, but it's not baseless. This is from experience, a lot of experience. I feel like I've done something most autistic people haven't managed to do. I have an amazing job that I love to go to. I live in the most perfect most apartment for myself. I have friends who adore me. I know older autistic people who direct and teach me. I know how to be sexually attractive, I've had girlfriends. I know how to go into any social situation and intermingle with people and form deep connections with people. I know how to be happy. Truly happy. I want to share some wisdoms from this perspective because far too few are. And I think so many of you just assume autism means depression, but it doesn't, it' only means depression because being happy as an autistic person requires a different set of principles and morals than that of a neurotypical person.

You know we have recognized we are different, we have recognized we run on different instincts. But too few seem to have the confidence to really take the to the end and state, if this is true, then any moral, philosophy or ideal made by a neurotypical person will probably end us up going a direction not truly ideal for ourselves. I see too many autistic people who they get put into classes to 'teach' them how to be more 'integrated' or normal. Teach them how to be more like neurotypical people. This ends up, I see, with an autistic who may have some job, some friends, some enjoyment of life like video games, and there parents or someone may give them constant affirmation of "Im so proud of you, your doing well", where everyone in the back of the mind can clearly tell that autistic person is not truly ecstatically happy about life, hopeful of everything in the future. They are still horribly depressed, but sustainably depressed. I think we need to go so far as to make a stretch that, while neurotypical and their advices can comfort us, they really have no clue. They really have no clue what it takes. We are new, we've not been figured out. It's really on us older autistic people who have figured out how to be happier to say it and share it. The true habits of autistic happiness are not going to be figured out by some neurotypical PHD with 10 years of schooling, there just a sideline observer, valuable viewpoint, but I think the people in the center of autism really need to stand up, recognize no one really knows jack s**t about this except the autistic people, figure out how to be happy, then share it. So I am going to share. I'm just going to throw this out there. If something resonates with you, take it to heart, if not, disregard, I'm not going to present everything I say with absolute certainty of truth just that, this is my experience.

First of all. Stop trying to act neurotypical. Stop going into social situations and asking question you think your supposed to ask. Operate from a genuine representation of yourself at all times. if you have to offend some people, weird some people out in the process, no biggie, it weeds them out quicker. There is nothing wrong with your perception, value it and present it. The right people find it highly interesting and fascinating, and finding those people and being able to express your perception without inhibition or forethought or filtering it is how get into social situations where you don't carry tons of anxiety. Anxiety is from having to constantly rethink and doubt your prerceptions due to fears of how they may be expressed. Stop thinking you are a problem to be fixed and filtered, and start thinking you are a unique viewpoint that needs to find representation. Don't worry about sex. Sex is a byproduct of connection, and being happy in the moment. It comes as side effect of figuring out how to connect with people through representation of the self. It is always a matter of working on yourself, being able to be yourself with less inhibition.

DO direct obsessions however. Studying the entire mythology of star wars or some video game may not really be the greatest thing ever. Turn that to subjects that are more universally interesting to people. People love people who tell them things that are interesting. Parts of history, stories, philosophies, whatever. Direct your obsessions to developing a bunch of things to tell to people in social situations. I find when going into groups of neurotypical people, you can bypass the need for that intuitive social connection by just being the story teller, the entertainer. Neurotypicals always want to be entertained, they always want to hear something interesting. They will always stop and be amused by anyone who can do this. I find carrying the role of storyteller or philosopher is really great from autistic people when trying to find their place in neurotypical social circles.

AVOID the need to be compartmentalized into easily replaceable skillets. Autistic people have an abnormal ability to figure things out on their own and develop highly niche and unique skillets. This is how you make yourself invaluable economically, by being unique. Avoid the impulse of universities and colleges to pound you into an easily replaceable cog with the same skillets and habits as everyone else. Trust that in your intuition is also an intuition for survival that takes into account the current state of culture, and through full expression of this, you will fall into place.

Do take some advices from newage hoo-hah spirituality, but not all of it. Namely the notion of like attracts like I find is very true. You attract to you people who carry similar sets and ideals as you. If you keep encountering people you don't like, this is because somehow in yourself you are carrying a similar set of principles just contorted around to appear different. If you encounter someone you don't like and can't stand, don't say to yourself you don't like them, instead ask yourself how are you doing the same exact thing that they are doing, because in some way you are. The faster you can learn to dig deeper into yourself and see how people are really just reflections of you the faster you can change yourself to exist in social circulations which you actually enjoy.

Do experiment with psychedelic drugs. Controversial subject, but preliminary studies of MDMA and LSD and psychedelics prove potential incredible benefit to autistic people. These things are going to take ATLEAST another 10 or 20 years before they reach approval of mainstream, all the while you could be missing out on experiences that could radically radically improve your life. Psychedellics are truly the greatest treatment for autistic maladaptivities I find. Single solid dosages of MDMA or LSD or psilocybin can reawaken entire portions of mind and perception that severely inhibit a person. But be very very careful about this, you must find people you really trust first before venturing down that route.

Recognize you may never be able to conform to neurotypical structures. I have serious issues with circadian rhythm. I can condition myself into regular sleeping schedule with sleep aids and drugs, but ultimately I find this horribly depresses me over time. Something about my system needs fluctuation in this department. My biology needs the freedom to fluctuate in order to find happiness and equilibrium. Happiness isn't the adherence to a logical model, it is the listening to the full intuition of the body. Trust your nervous system at all times.

Recognize you may never connect with neurotypical people in the ways they do. This isn't because you haven't learned some set of social habits. It's because there is literally a disconnect in the frequency of their minds to our minds. You will never be as connected to neurotpyical people. Stop desiring it. Stop thinking it will fix you. Develop healthy relationships with them through words and constructs, but understand they will never intuitively understand you, you will never intuitively flow with them unless you somehow disempower yourself. Either becoming submissive and being treated like a subordinate, or just becoming someones sexual addiction.

Talk about feelings, not things. When you meet someone ask them how is life? Tell them how you are feeling about life. Tell them issues of perception and feelings you've been having. Listen back to them. Connect with people through exchange of emotional energy, not logical construct and models. Emotional connection is what makes relationships with people valuable.

Declare your needs under all circumstances. If you can't tolerate being in an area, just state it in a way that makes it known it is you who are having difficulty, not them, and leave.

Avoid typecasting and defining yourself through culture. You aren't a movie character, you aren't sheldon, you aren't any cultural archetype. We are new. If someone says "Hey Harry Potter", say "I don't like being perceived as an object from your cultural perception" and then define your own self.

Realize you may actually have multiple identities. A lot of autistic people I find fluctuate to different moods, different states of thinking, not fully understanding what is going on and feeling really bad about. I find all autistic people have some tendency to have more inclination to multiple identities than other people. Your 'depressed' state of mind may not really be depressed, it may just be a different identity, with a new set of instincts and needs, that you are trying to make conform to the constraints defined by a prior identity. Trust the representation of your instincts in all varieties they manifest themselves as fully self contained sets of information that can lead itself to fulfillment.

BREAK yourself of bad habituations. To much time playing video games? Too much time on Facebook? To much time on here? Drugs? Always make an effort to break habits, and push your boundaries of comfort. You must always be moving forward in self development of your own will. In all honesty I think watching TV, or playing video games alone is extremely unhealthy, regularly or habitually doing any drug is unhealthy. Your only things should be things that allow greater symbiosis and representation of your unique self to other people. Learn to draw, dance, sing, paint, act, sculpt. Be creatively outpouring. if you can't communicate well with words, or standard neurotypical ways, I believe this reroutes itself to other places, much how a blind person can hear better. Autistic people have a tendency to be very very naturally good at something outside the norm of neurotypical expectations, and only you can find it. Always experiment.

Always make it known to the people who you appreciate and why. If you enjoy your talks, tell them that you do. If you enjoy their company, tell them you like being around them. Always thank your teachers, always express gratitude when someone teaches you something. Hug people on meeting, hug people on leaving.

Don't ever expect or ask for more than what another truly wants to give. Don't let your mind over fantasize or mythologize people or situations. Stay in the moment, of being aware of what is really occurring.

Recognize when situations are not truly to your greatest benefit and leave. Don't hang around out of habit or tradition. Always take care of what your feeling in the moment.

You will have to lose friends, piss people off, scare the s**t out of people in order to make your way to the truly good people. Don't get stuck!

There is always something you can be doing in every moment to better yourself and become more aware. Never sit idly.

Stand out. Dress different. It will attract to you non neurotypical people who you will probably associate with easier.

Don't get stuck in the mentality of needing to horde resource or needing to be a millionaire or whatever before you can be happy. Recognize what is available to you right now and always work with it, from this moment. More resource comes by properly utilizing what resource is currently available.

Believe that you always carry inherent value. That you bring something to the table. If you honestly don't think you do, improve yourself so you confidently feel that you can.

Never be afraid to ask someone out or express initial sexual interest. Stop doing so if they don't like. But EVERYONE is flattered by being told they are really cute, or being asked out, and will think more highly of you for having the confidence to express it even if they don't return the feeling. All my best female friends are ones that I outright stole a kiss from or initially tried to date. And with that, recognize sexual connection is about COMPATIBILITY, not the need to dominate or manipulate, and you don't ever want to fall into those games. Figure out how to ask out and express interest in your crushes, but don't expect anything more than what is actually already there, or get obsessed, learn how to explore sexual interest but turn it into friendship when compatibility proves not good enough.

Learn to say "I love you", to everyone.

Recognize thoughts and beliefs that are rooted in fear and insecurity, then don't listen to them!

Be there for everyone, but not beyond what you can give. Mutual benefit is the name of the game, if someone crosses a line, immediately tell them and make it known. What you seek can come from the most unlikely of places.

It is always ok to say "I don't want to" or "I am not in the mood". I'd actually suggest practicing saying "I don't want to" and also saying "I love you".

Enlightenment is an act of conscious apprehension.

Look up Metanoia, understand it. It will be something you will probably have to go through. Understand the solution to paranoia is pronoia.

View your circumstance as an unique opportunity to find a new way in a world where so many of the old ways are proving themselves to be wrong. I somewhat believe that autism is actually a mutation of the human genome as a strategy for the earth to overcome the disease of this culture and in our instincts is actually held the earths intelligence of how to create a better world. The notion of fitting in as happiness I think is a delusion. Happiness is to be found, for us, in something new.

If anyone else wants to carry this list on feel free to do so...

And I do think it is really important to get a grip on what the difference is. It's very hard to nail down exactly, and can be elusive. Because it amazes me with my autistic how connected we are, how connected we can be, how truly empower our relations are to each other. Where as people less out of the plateau of autism, the relation can be there, but the full intuitive interconnection of social connection doesn't occur, we still need some kind of logical constructs, logical models to interact. For the longest time I thought this was super important to figure out because I thought that is how you can be social, through the logical models of reality. But ultimately this casts you in the role of forever having something wrong with you because your always try to think about and figure out this logical model to let you be 'you'. Whereas you already are you, and with the right people, of similar neurological mutations as you, the logical models of interrelation aren't needed. You just 'get' each other.

My desire to differentiate the two isn't to schism the two. But rather to avoid the trap of falling into the need of thinking and believing you need logic, tradition or orthodoxy to be truly social and happy. If you find you are requiring these things in a relation its probably because you are interacting with a neurotypical person, or even an autistic person heavily brainwashed into neurotypical thinking. Dare I say it, the right people, you are psychically interconnected with, words and logic are secondary.

The true habits of autistic happiness are not going to be figured out by some neurotypical PHD with 10 years of schooling, there just a sideline observer, valuable viewpoint, but I think the people in the center of autism really need to stand up, recognize no one really knows jack s**t about this except the autistic people, figure out how to be happy, then share it. So I am going to share. I'm just going to throw this out there. If something resonates with you, take it to heart, if not, disregard, I'm not going to present everything I say with absolute certainty of truth just that, this is my experience.

Weed doesn't lower my energy, it does relax me but also usually makes me want to do things more(at least go outside and get out of the house) or makes me more able to enjoy it....I certainly do not want to do things that cause anxiety/panic, though cannabis can help with things that do that but yeah anxiety/panic is not good for my PTSD so if anything I want to avoid doing things that would cause anxiety or find ways of alleviating the anxiety. Like for instance shopping in large stores stresses me out so much it gets to the point I can't think and then I only end up with half of what I wanted, some other random things.....now if i happen to be stoned it goes much smoother.

Also I have a vicious cycle of stress/anxiety ruins my appetite and causes digestive discomfort...so then its hard to eat even when hungry let alone enough to sustain 12 hours of running at an extremely high energy level, not to mention depression and PTSD kill energy so how do you get the energy to do all the exercise(eat and sleep enough of course) but then when you can't eat and you can't sleep at least not restfully...well sets you up for exuastion, that said I do lots of running around as I don't drive and have to catch buses or walk to get places...I do eat as healthy as I can just have a hard time eating enough due to stress caused digestive discomfort.

Only smoking once a week and spending the high in a dark room with no sound not even music sounds like kind of a waste...id rather go outside if its nice and enjoy that, listen to some music....or well go about with daily activities, those can be more entertaining that way. But don't have the means to smoke every day anyways, ideally though that seems more helpful than just on occasion....but then it also helps my motivation level to get out and about rather than hampering that like it can do to some. But to each their own....but yeah trying to work on healthy eating habits, easier said than done though.

Some things sure did, and I did, thanks! More than anything it's just nice to read about people who have been through what I feel like I'm going through right now (though I hadn't heard the term 'metanoia', which I'm slightly ashamed of since I studied Psychology at uni), and have come out the other side feeling successful. Now is the time that I need constant pushes from others, constant reminders to keep aiming where I know I probably need to be.

I guess that's something about the depression that you speak of that most of us go through. In the past I've allowed the depression to just lead to a lack of motivation to try harder, to change things. It does that. So really, we need people on our back when we can't do it ourselves. This 'metanoia' thing I've just learned about...would you say most people go through the initial stages of it but then don't complete the transformation and instead regress to where they were, due to the depression that goes along with this state/phase? It's hard to pull thirst for action out of bewilderment and disenchantment.

So you say to eat healthy, exercise, take action, etc etc...Do you have any tips on keeping these things up? On how to not fall back into old patterns while you are struggling to see the "light at the end of the tunnel"? That would probably be the most useful information to me right now.

I have lived my life with similar self acceptance that is similar to yours in many ways. With the exception of the apartment for your self the above sounds like like extremely NT goals to aspire to.

We tell depressed people that everything seeming negative is not realistic, they are just can't see the positive side, and that they deserve to feel happiness. The problem I have with these "I have found the way to complete happiness" type posts that pop here on occasion is that it is denial of a part of the human experience. We are socialized with conflicting messages. We are constantly told to learn and express our feelings. But we soon learn the application of this philosophy is not consistent. When expressing negative feelings we are either told outright to stop expressing them or people try to convince us our feelings have no valid bases in reality or like in the case here you can train yourself out of them. You have correctly identified the damage NT's do to us when they convince us they are right and we have to emulate them. I see no reason why denying our negative emotions will not also do psychological damage.


You completely lost me here. In my 57 years that is probably the most "be fake" advice I have ever received.

I note that the OP lives in Portland, Oregon an area that is more accepting of difference and "weirdness" then most locales.

OP, you express some very interesting ideas but I'd like to ask for some more details.

You express a dislike of PhDs, did they give you some bad advice?
You imply that you had some sort of epiphany when you were 26. Could you describe this more detail?
As Narrator suggested you seem to be relatively outgoing by aspie standards. Were you outgoing before your epiphany?
Are you always this sanguine or does it come and go?

(...)

Maybe extreme NT is the wrong word. I'm talking about people who are the opposite of autistic. They are often very social, have very good executive functioning, enjoy superficial smalltalk, don't really have any interests, and they are diplomatic and manipulative. I can spot them as easily as I can spot aspies." (...)

"Those extreme NTs are pretty creepy. I really want to understand them better, but there's no literature on them.

I'm not optimistic about that. When I was very young I did act like myself rather than an NT, and it was a disaster. My parents scolded me, almost none of the other kids wanted to be around me, and I was labeled a problem. No one cared that I might be "autistic," "Asperger's," "ADHD," whatever; all they cared about was that my strange behavior made them uncomfortable and made their jobs harder. They judged me not on my merits but on how well I fit in, even when they were being complementary; one of the analysts I went to described me privately as "the proverbial square peg that refuses to be pounded down." I would like to act more like myself in public, but it's still in their system, and I'll still be rejected. There's really no escape from that.

Kudos on finding success and happiness in your own way, but I wouldn't be so sure it will work for everyone else here.

I think what you mean by 'extreme NT' is actually narcissism.
The whole spectrum spans between Narcissism and Autism. The neuro-typicals are somewhere in the middle.
You will find a lot about it when you look up NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Also I mentioned in another thread Simon Baron-Cohens book "Zero Empathy", which deals with
the whole spectrum between the two extreme poles.