describe a meltdown in you're own words.

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Its a stress climax and breakdown for me. I get really mad and then start crying a lot, and sometimes I even start hitting myself, bashing my head against a wall, or even stabbing myself with pens, although all of this rarely happens. Its usually because of heavy stress in school, that overcomes and torments me until I cannot take it anymore. Afterwards, I go into a semi-shutdown state and am usually silent for the rest of the day, not talking and being on my own a lot, just waiting to go home (my comfort zone)

That's my meltdowns, and its pretty saddening for me

I would know when it is coming. It is almost like everything has to be perfect for me to diffuse but of course it never is. I have multiple triggers including schedule interuptions, noise, people talking to me, feeling left out of the family,. I will get violent from hitting myself in the head and chest to punching out walls, car vents, stove tops, doors. When I get into a rage, I cannot stop until it runs its course. My marriage has suffered tremendously. I always do not think it was as bad as it was until someone said that they were scared to stay in the same room as me. How do you find a switch to diffuse the trigger? I can't.

It's taken me until now to realize that what I was told can be true. Apparently, my internal notification system sends a lot of wrong messages through me. I would say you;re ahead of the game if you realize that.

One of the reasons I'm so freaked out about a lot of this. I am hoping to get to the point that I can be more aware and notice when it starts so I can do something before I am unable to do something about it. For that, I need outside observation and feedback. Again, internal sensors are not functioning, captain. "I've given her all she's got and she canna take no more!"

The realization that I know nothing about the world around me. Meltdowns are frustrating and confusing, it's the one time I can no longer process the world around me. And the one time I can no longer hear what others are telling me. The more people yell at me the more overwhelmed I become. And afterwards I am left so emotionally and mentally and even physically drained. It's attack on all my senses that leaves me wanting to hide somewhere in a corner. Somewhere dark.

A meltdown is when I experience sensory overload. When I was a child, I used to scream and yell, which caused me to be bullied, which made the meltdown worse. As an adult, what I try to do is walk away from the situation when I feel my senses being overloaded. That usually has worked, though not always. When I'm actually having a meltdown, my breathing gets faster and more anxious. If I can't get away, I may start crying or screaming.

Hmm..I'm not sure if what I've had are meltdowns, exactly. More like emotional outbursts. But I will explain what I've experienced.

In the past (mostly as a child), I used to lose control and get very angry if something happened that frustrated me or angered me. I would often hit things or hit other people, break things, etc. I can't really remember what else I did during these episodes. But I felt very out of control of myself, and when it was over, I'd feel bad about it. I usually couldn't admit that I felt bad, so I'd pretend that my reaction was justified, and that I'd done whatever it was on purpose.

As an adult, most of the time I react by crying. As far as I know, I have no control over it. If I'm in a disagreement with someone, if someone is not treating me right, or if I just get overwhelmed by a situation, I will start crying. Usually it's out-of-control sobbing, not just tears rolling down my face. It's embarrassing. It even happens sometimes when I'm really angry and trying to control it.

And then I've also had "shutdowns" like what people have described here. When overwhelmed, sometimes my body will suddenly feel very heavy and weak. I become extremely tired, and I usually just go in the bedroom, shut the door, and collapse on my bed. Then I need to be left alone for awhile until I get over it.

I think the main thing that all of these reactions have in common (for me) is the loss of control during extreme emotional states. It literally feels as though I have no control whatsoever over how I react. The crying seems to be the most frequent reaction, and thankfully it's only embarrassing, not harmful.

I should add that a lot of the times, my extreme emotional states are made worse by sensory overload. I will be much more irritable or anxious if sensory issues are bothering me. So it's usually a combination of things. The sensory issues may make it harder for me to control my emotions during stressful times.

A while ago, I wrote a blog post about meltdowns: https://thezoophanatic.wordpress.com/20 ... ghty-brat/

As I see it, a "meltdown" is more or less what Neurotypicals call a "burnout" or a "mental breakdown".

As I see it, the main difference between both, is that a Neurotypical person's "burnout" or "mental breakdown" takes a gradual build-up of weeks, months or even years of stress (and may also take months to recover), whereas an Autistic person's "meltdown" can be the result of no more than just that day's stress (and may require just as little time to recover).

Yet, it's important to realize that Autistic people experience far more stress than Neurotypical people on an average day. Compared with Neurotypical people, Autistic people live on a knife edge 24/7... which makes it only normal they're far more likely to experience a "burnout" or "mental breakdown".

When younger, I would bite and scratch myself. Scream, hit my head, rock back and forth. I couldn't find the words to say how I was feeling. It was very frustrating. That doesn't happen as much anymore, but still sometimes. The worst is when a sound bothers me. I either yell "shut up!" or cover my ears.

It feels as if I have no control over anything, and that frustrates me.

mine never last over an hour. i'd describe myself as static, that way.

i know i'm really screwed up when i can't even find the urge to play games.

on the flip side, when i'm anxious it feels like my body has lost all mass completely. i'm a balloon.

melt + down =

Normally I am a lovely logical creature that is very polite. I implode from stress of excess stimuli, and logic does not exist.

Rage, depression, anxiety, and regret show up all at once. Smash skull unto wall? Seems like good idea! Throw stuff and break things? That'll make me feel better... maybe? Forget everything I did 5 minutes ago, creating more rage! Freak out over whether the sun will explode and kill us all? Why not! Do I know anything? Can I know anything? What am I? Break another plate! Hit yourself harder to bring back sanity! Yell harder! This insanity/lack of comprehension generally lasts 2 minutes unless the source of stress has not been removed from hearing/sight range.

Then after winding down a bit, the logic just snaps back and "I am a shameful monster for breaking all this stuff" rules my thoughts for at least an hour. Then I am normal neutral me again, though a bit regretful.

What I hate is that my memory is too good too many times. I don't turn it on or off. When it's on record though, it catches everything. Even sometimes when I am stressed to the point of no return, I catch bright glimpses that I have to let coalesce on their own over time. This piece becomes clear, that piece, then another.

But, I remember them. And, because I loop almost all my life every day, I get to relive them in vivid detail. I carry that shame with me every day. Over time, they do diminish, but they are there nonetheless.

To me its like having everything thats ever happened in my life all at once, pain,anger, rage, confusion, frustration, then followed by a period of recovery, usually a few days in bed feeling completely exhausted.
Years back I used to break things, hit things including myself, get incredibly abusive, shouting, screaming, and running away. Plain and simply put its just sensory overload, emotional, visual and auditory..

Now a days I reconise the triggers and withdraw from the world until it passes, but I'm still prone to the odd verbal rant and shaking session... usually when stressed out because of being overloaded with stimuli in the environment I'm in!! (People...lol).
Its bitchin but hey ho thats life right?

I just shutdown and feel exhausted and drained. Don't want to talk, don't want to do anything but try and relax and shut out the sensory issues. It's nice to just put some quiet music on, lay down in bed, close my eyes, wrap myself up in blankets and rest until my energy returns.

I almost never outwardly show my emotions and my voice is relatively monotone and I'm always calm, but, often for a time, about 30 mins, I will descend into a 'madness'. More often than not I would describe them as panic attacks without any capability of reasoning until it passes. These usually happen at work but also in large crowds.
I have shutdowns too, the most common way for me to deal with difficult interpersonal issues, like conflict for example. I feel like I lack the ability to get angry until the meltdown happens. Mine are generally set off by changes in my daily routine by the company I work for or similar. Usually it's a build up of tge little pressures and peeves. I've been described as the guy with the 'switch'. Preceeded by rocking, lights feel brighter and my thoughts swirl in my head. There is no rationality, no language. I almost never cry for anything but I do during these. I have hurt people in the past and have been known to bang my head, which obviously freaks people out a bit. Suddenly, it's over and then I get headaches, tiredness, guilt, shame etc. Not to mention the bruises sustained in random places. In saying all of this, after the meltown I actually feel better for a time. I guess it's analogous to pressure release. I had one yesterday, in public, in front of people I'd just met at a party. Oddly enough, two were mental health professionals and one was a nurse. They just held me down and carried on their conversation haha. Sensory overload. I didn't like going out before because of this.....