When words fail.

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How do you communicate when words fail you? When you are too stressed or frustrated or overstimulated to talk coherently? Or when you just can't find any words to match your state of mind? When the verbal connection isn't there?

Do you scream, cry? Lash out at others, or at yourself?

I am interested in this because I often find myself in this situation, despite being very articulate most of the time. Recently, I took an overdose of valium because I wanted to communicate how stressed and confused I was. I couldn't use words - they didn't fit and I wasn't in a position to understand them. So I ended up in the hospital with too many flourescent lights and children with some kind of swine lurgy. Apparently, you're not supposed to do this when you are stressed, but I couldn't think of any other way to communicate. I've been told what to do if I want to do it again - call someone - but I can't talk at these times, so I fail to see how calling anyone could possibly alleviate my stress or convey what I am experiencing effectively.

So what do you do when you can't speak to anyone? And can you give me any different ways of communicating, ways that won't put me in the emergency ward?

I use an AAC device, or Alternative Augmentative Communication device when I go non verbal. I type what I am going to say into it and it says it for me. If my laptop (my AAC) is not around I type it as a note in my iPod or BlackBerry and make other person read it.

I make use of writing mostly, preferably pre-prepared.

My state also gets communicated when I melt down in front of someone. I agree that extreme behaviors can convey clearer messages, though meltdown is not intentional.

When in shutdown, I make use of either writing or the free text-to-speech software known as JTalk. This also de-escalates situations where the frustration (of others and myself) from not being able to speak can lead to more extreme behaviors.

Animal, perhaps prepare for such situations by informing the person you might communicate with what certain behaviors mean. You could have a code or signal that informs them what kind of state you're in, so when you're in a bad way they have a rough idea of its intensity and nature.

For the slowly building up kind of frustrations it sounds like you're talking about, I tend to become less and less interactive, quieter and quieter. I usually get out quite a bit--running errands and volunteering--but when I am getting overloaded by life or a difficult situation I start to stay home and avoid outside contact. My partner knows these signs and respects my need to be less interactive (bless her).

I find during these times it's even hard to write what's going on... largely because I'm not sure. It's like my intellect is just frozen and I'm in there kicking it, trying to get it going again so I can say something, at least to myself, and start to know what's going on. If I can even get some sluggish thinking going, then I can write a word in my journal and gradually things will start to come out.

I think this difficulty knowing and expressing what's going on is called alexithymia.

Same here, I cannot think or talk when I get stressed. I'm much better when I write.

Ok.. I don't have anything constructive to add to this.. just that you guys just explained the what-happens-to-me-and-why very well.

Yeah, I never knew it was real for other people and had a name

i bite my lips until they bleed, i like the taste of my blood and the colour of it.
i drink when i am really upset of stressed, i get into a sort of manic OCD mode, i start wanting to hurt myself because think its my fault i am this stressed and then i get into OCD to try to make it right. if i can think at least a little bit i begin to drink a bit, this lessens my need for the OCD stage and lets me sleep as i dont often sleep. i drink enough to either knock me out, or just send me to sleep or make me happier depending on the intensity.
i started this when i was 13, and i havent needed to find anything else yet.

But each to their own.


i hope you find a way

This is probably why driving a f***** hour each way to my f***** therapist always makes it so much worse.

Put on your sneakers and walk five miles, briskly.

ruveyn

Also consider that it may be best to NOT communicate anymore at that point. If you're so stressed and confused that you can't talk, people will probably already know that you're stressed and confused without the need to explicitly tell them.

Och! I don't think an OD of anything will be conducive to communication. If you take away your ability to be yourself, you won't be able to convey your own feelings at all!

The thing is that in a lot of ways it does. Sometimes you get to that point where you're just going to explode and can't take it anymore, and nobody cares or bothers to do anything. When it gets to the point that you truly are so miserable that you're ready to die.. sometimes someone pays attention. They don't do anything helpful, but it does kinda communicate the total inability to continue as things are going when nobody would listen before.
Something extreme like that also kinda breaks the tension.
Not that I'm condoning it.. But a lot of parents, professionals, etc, just won't care about how horrible something is until it's life-or-death.

That makes sense. But I'm so sorry to hear it, Magiedoll <HUGGZZZ>!

If you feel like nobody cares, remember we do here. We're your extended family here. And if nobody is around to care here at that moment, you can always, always PM me or something. I hang out here a little too often

Happy to be your WP uncle anytime,

-- Vip

Same here! This doesn't seem to happen as easily to my non-AS co-workers. But I always get into this state when stressed, particularly when confronted. I will begin to make my argument, and my words become garbled trash and I stop making sense rather quickly, and just begin to shut down verbally. Unless I get REALLY pissed, and then I will lash out in a really bad way.

I don't. I get away from people as quickly as possible.

Hey thanks for your responses.

I like the idea of the pre-prepared written material. Maybe I should make some flashcards or something.