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zeldapsychology
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26 Jan 2010, 6:04 pm

While talking to Beth through AIM she mention that we always have to be right so we argue are point or view back/forth/back/forth I've gotten into these arguments all my life but I never connected them to AS until now. So I ask fellow Aspies do YOU argue? Thanks I'm SO Happy I connected a frequent behavior of mine to AS and I'm actually HAPPY I have an explanation for that behavior I've been argumentitive my whole life OMG YA!! !! !! !!



Lene
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26 Jan 2010, 6:23 pm

I think everyone argues, it's not really anything to do with AS.



pandd
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26 Jan 2010, 6:23 pm

I for one find inaccuracy very difficult to deal with. I tend to correct inaccuracies automatically and somewhat compulsively. I have deliberately practiced not doing this for years, but if I am not paying attention to myself I still do it, and sometimes I just absolutely cannot not do it.



superboyian
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26 Jan 2010, 6:43 pm

Everyone argues, even aspies do..... I have an argument with one of my friends about something that me and her seem to disagree on and then sometimes, we would get into the worst of arguments, but it was much worse when me and her started going out with each other but it was also sweet too at the same time.....

But we also resolve it by sorting out our differences... and talking about it which I tend to do, it most of the times work, but then I would be upset and talk the next day or whatever.

I think this is just a normal thing that happens in life...


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Odin
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26 Jan 2010, 6:45 pm

I'm a compulsive arguer. I always have to be "right".


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alana
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26 Jan 2010, 7:24 pm

I love to debate.I used to debate online alot, til I noticed it was affecting me emotionally because people let feelings get in the way of the argument. I gave it up. My parents have always said I would argue with a stop sign and my sister told me 'no one can win an argument with you.' I never thought of it as 'winning' just asserting the facts. In fact, sort of a kindness on my part, lol. I tend to sometimes see NT culture as a collection of politely agreed upon lies and contrivances.



Roman
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26 Jan 2010, 7:26 pm

I often argue. My arguments are divided into two types:

1) Defending my own ego

2) Correcting inaccuracies

In neither case it is meant to attack the other person, but that is what others often don't understand.



Callista
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26 Jan 2010, 7:27 pm

Quote:
I tend to sometimes see NT culture as a collection of politely agreed upon lies and contrivances.
If everybody agrees to say something everybody knows isn't actually true, is it still a lie?

(Yes, I argue. :lol: )


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pensieve
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26 Jan 2010, 8:48 pm

Lene wrote:
I think everyone argues, it's not really anything to do with AS.

It is. I pull my hair out over the fact that so many with an ASD think their opinion is right and you can't convince them otherwise. I've learned how to have an open mind and look at things from a number of different angles. Although the 20-something NT's often think they're right and you can't convince them otherwise. Perhaps it's an immaturity thing?
I do sometimes fall into a trap of thinking I'm right. Old habits...


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CockneyRebel
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26 Jan 2010, 10:46 pm

I hardly ever argue. I see no point in it. I'd rather let the other person be right, even if they may be wrong.


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Tim_Tex
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26 Jan 2010, 10:49 pm

I argue every now and then.


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Meadow
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26 Jan 2010, 11:31 pm

I do whatever I can to avoid conflict. It isn't worth the stress and strain, and my nervous system can't really handle it.



ColdBlooded
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26 Jan 2010, 11:56 pm

YES. I don't think it's that i'm really more argumentative than other people.. but i just don't know when i'm supposed to let something go. I want to keep going with the same topic until i feel like it's done, and when someone disagrees with me i can just keep going and going with it. Then, other times, i don't even think i'm arguing, but people accuse me of being argumentative when i'm just trying to point something out and discuss it. A lot of times when i've found myself in an argument, i've been completely confused as to how and why it worked out that way. A lot of the time it's actually upset me a lot when i think about it afterward, because it just reminds me that no matter how hard i try to get out around people that i'm still unable to understand the "right" way to interact with them on anything more than a very basic level.. I actually don't like conflict very much. It just happens.

So, yeah.. I think our obsessive thinking patterns combines with our impairment in understanding others can definitely make it SEEM like we're more argumentative than we mean to be. I know that's the case for me, anyway.



IdahoRose
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27 Jan 2010, 1:09 am

I'm not an argumentative person at all. I'd much rather be passive aggressive, my favorite tactic being a combination of The Cold Shoulder and The Silent Treatment. It's easy to pass off as "being shy" or "having a bad day", while in actuality the only thing I think about how much I resent the person whom I'm treating this way.

My three NT siblings are a different story entirely. They all have to be "right" about everything. My brother in particular will go to great lengths to prove his point to people, and my two sisters argue whenever they are in the same room.



PunkyKat
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27 Jan 2010, 2:19 am

Ever since I could talk and understand the concept of verbal language my parents told me I should be a lawyer when I grew up my father says I would argue with a dead man until the cows came home. A person would make some insanley stupid acusation based on preassumptions with no proof whereas I had proof or could optain it very easily. It was usualy something about animals (my main special intrest) such as meerkat being spelled with a C or that penguins don't live in tropical biomes. As a child I would argue and argue until I got so frustrated with their ignorance I lashed out at the other person physicaly. So yes; in a way I really would stab you if you spelled meerkat with a C. It took years but as I grew older I figured, "Why do I even bother to educate these morons?" Now as an adult if some ignorant person says something dumb and dosen't want to be corrected. Fine, let them be an idot.


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anomie
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27 Jan 2010, 3:43 am

I too hate innaccuracy. I don't understand why people are happy to carry on believing all kinds of nonsense, and why they wouldn't rather give it some thought and weigh the evidence and ultimately have true rather than false beliefs.

People always say I'm argumentative and I suppose I am. But they think I'm doing it for some kind of personal gain - they think I want to "win" and "be right".

That is a fundamental misunderstanding. I don't want to "be right" for the sake of it. I want to have beliefs that actually ARE right. If I am found to be wrong and I change my belief to the correct one then I have GAINED, not LOST! And I want the other person to have true beliefs too. Whichever of us is "proved right" doesn't matter so long as we both end up right when the argument is over.

I've just thought of a good retort for when they say to me, "You always wat to be right!" - I shoulld say to them: "No, I want YOU to be right!"

Although I suppose they wouldn't get it, so there's probably no point.

I also hate stopping a discussion/argument in the middle. I hate the way people are happy to say "Oh, I'm bored of arguing now; I just won't listen to any more evidence or reasoning, thank you; I'll just carry on believing this."

I think it would be best if everybody just said "I don't know" all the time. Because nobody has well-formed opinions. Not even me ! :)