Nobody is interested in me!

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Well, that's it! I reached out to an NT woman whom I've known since I was 3 (a neighbor the same age (47-48) and she said tonight that we'll never be anything but friends.

She knows I have Asperger's and she still likes me but she doesn't want a relationship with me!

Now I know, nobody on this planet wants me. No one else has shown an interest.

I was right in the first place.


I'm undesirable

I'm medling in the affairs of NTs and I just don't seem to cut it!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Don't reply if you don't want to. I'm very used to being ignored!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Is it so terrible to be friends with her? You know that can change later as relationship progress. She obviously likes you enough. Why not just go with the flow?

I agree with y-pod, sometimes friendship can morph into something more, even if one of both parties initially insist that they believe it will never do that. Some of the nicest romance/sex/love-relationships blossomed out of people being truly good friends at first rather than an instant attraction, although that doesn't preclude those working too.

Also, I know it's hard not to catastrophize and think in absolutes when you feel upset and in despair, because I tend to do that too, and speak in universal terms when I feel I'm doomed in something.

But try to remember that one person -- or even ten people -- turning you down doesn't mean that the logical conclusion is that "Nobody" wants you or will ever. I tend to talk in "nevers" and "nobodys" and "always" too about the things I'm feeling will never work out. But no one person or incident is representative of every person on the planet or every incident that can occur in life, so try to hang onto that idea rather than feel that several or even many instances mean nothing will ever be different. Even statistically that is never really true of anything. It's hard to believe that when you feel repeatedly knocked down though, but it's true.

If she wants to be friends, that is still someone interested in you.....just not romantically interested. I thought this thread was going to be about actually having not a single person who has any interest in you as a person. How do you figure nobody on the planet wants you just because one female friend of your's does not want to take things to an intimate level? If you don't push her away for wanting to stay as friends maybe she could help you find someone or like help give tips on things to do to maybe attract more female attention.

Also what sort of things do you do? Do you go out places where there is a good chance of socialization or do you hang around at home for the most part? Obviously getting out more increases chances of social interactions, of course for people on the spectrum it might be difficult figuring out things to go out and do.

it must be very arduous to be plagued by self image issues at your age.

I'm going to take the risk and put forward a possibility that might offend you or might offend others. If it does, I apologize. I found my significant other some years ago when I met someone in the Philippines. The cultural differences made their judgment of me less harsh than if it came from someone in the Western world. Many non-western cultures are able to look at someone a bit differently than the way a western NT might look at someone. They seemed to recognize other qualities that a western NT might not recognize. Perhaps you might consider seeking a deeper relationship with someone from outside the western world.

My sincere, again my sincere apologies if these comments offended anyone in anyway.

Thanks for the reply. As I said, she stated in no uncertain terms, she has no interest in me, in that way! She couldn't have made it any clearer.

I told her that I'm extremely loving, kind hearted, loyal, honest (to a fault sometimes), and faithful. I don't know if it's because I have Asperger's or not but that's just the way I am.

She's already been married and the ahole cheated on her.

I told her I would never do that but she still doesn't want me.

I was never meant for a world like this!

I find it hard to relate to this as I'm barely 20 years old and have never even attempted a relationship (primarily because I'm homosexual).

If you don't feel compatible with NTs, have you tried meeting somebody with AS? Perhaps you could even organize something with somebody on this forum. There are many people on this website that would likely be willing to have chats with you, considering many are in similar situations.

You are, somewhat understandably, overreacting.

She doesn't desire you. That doesn't mean that you are undesirable. Different people have different tastes and priorities.

Just because one woman doesn't desire you doesn't mean no woman ever could ever.

This could be more about her than you. I know quite a few women this age who've had a failed relationship and are now enjoying independence for the first time in their lives. Not everyone needs someone to be content.

Have you asked everyone else on the planet then? r2d2's suggestion is a good one. Look outside your usual environment.

Based on who's view? Is this the result of a poll? Or is it a conclusion you've come to yourself? Thinking of yourself as undesirable won't help your cause.

You are catastrophising. I know because I do it too. It's an autistic thing. Take a few deep breaths, step back a little from the situation and try to think calm thoughts. You may very likely think differently tomorrow.
p.s. You aren't being ignored here.

She made it clear, we'll be nothing but friends!! !

I don't need to ask everyone. After 47 years of no one showing an interest in me (in fact, a disinterest) I get the feeling I don't need to ask. Actions speak louder than words!! !

I'm not blind! I'm not stupid! I see what women do with other men and that just doesn't happen for me. Never has.

Sometimes in life, some people are of such a look that everyone looks upon and says "That poor ugly bastard!" It happens and in my case, that's the case!! !

I don't need to ask everybody on earth, 'would they like to taste arsenic'' to know the answer!

Last edited by ImAnAspie on 31 Oct 2014, 2:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

There's still ~2 billion other women, some of whom your friend will know. It's possible that she may be able to assist you in finding someone even if she doesn't turn out to be that someone.

How do you know? There have been many times in my life when if someone had asked me that question I would have said, "Yes please!" Very few things in this life are 100% certain.

I knew someone was going to say that!

I'm 20 years younger, but in a somewhat similar state-of-mind. I feel as though I've spent the last 7 years or so meeting a lot of people at different venues (hobby clubs, classes, work, festivals) who are very nice, but who are not interested in pursuing closer relations with me, either platonic or romantic. I was talking with my mother on the phone earlier today about this very thing.

I think Raleigh is right when he says that you are (and I am as well) catastrophising your view on this situation. There is nothing wrong with wanting friendships and romance; it's a very normal human need. But it would make us very unhappy if we bite ourselves into that desire for closer contact with our fellow human beings, and stare ourselves blind on what we are doing wrong in trying to establish that contact. It then becomes easy to jump to a conclusion such as: "I am probably utterly repellant to most people; they all head for the hills when they see me". I've thought the same thing, this very week, when I was caught in an episode of mild depression.

But it's not true.

There are folks I can talk to just fine, at my stage acting class, at my First Aid training, at work, etc. etc. Maybe I haven't yet met another person who is specifically looking for friendship (or even romance[!]) themselves, maybe when I do, I should pick up on the signal, and I could try my hand at building my part of the bridge between me and them; because establishing these relationships and making them grow is something that comes from both ways.

Also, when these kinds of things are starting to break me up, I always try to take a step back from it and not think about it too much (seeking out friendships and/or romance, I mean), because if I let it take over my mind, it just gives me stress and anxiety, and I'm a lot less pleasant to be around. That's why it's also good to put the need for closer socialisation on the backburner. Maybe for a couple of months. Maybe for a year, however long it takes. Just so you can reduce your social interactions to a pleasant, but distant, activity. Maybe the people you deal with on a daily basis think of you as something of an oddball. It doesn't matter; that's what they think of me, and I can't change that about me without feeling unhappy. But some folks who see me as an oddball like me for it. And those are the ones I focus on, instead of the ones who shun me or mock me.

Then, once you've gotten more comfortable in your own skin, and feel good about yourself, that's when you can focus better on approaching others for friendship or a romantic relationship. You'll find that it goes a lot easier when you're in that mindset.