Is there a price to living in denial?

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Someone mentioned on another thread, and I fully agree, that many people just choose the lie they want to believe in (that best suits their ego) and live more happily ever after that way than if they accepted the truth / reality.

I think this is a wonderful way to live, certainly better than getting depressed for seeing one's own shortcomings and those of the people one needs in one's life.

Why not live in denial?

Ignorance is bliss

my being autistic & knowing since a year only will only affect the precise wording of my reply; in essence i would have allways said the same:

many people? no: it is the essence of life, all life, all perception

not only religion requires a leap of faith (Kierkegaard)
to decide not to 'believe' in anything 'god'
but in anything but god (e.g. science) is just to decide to leap into another belief (Feyerabend-inspired oblio)

to live = to believe in whatever one finds oneself believing in
or live in mortal fear & insecurity

everybody shall believe thine parents first, one drank the milk the breast fed

me? of course i believe i am right: i am Manuel!

IamfromBarcelona/toxically@RobertO.iii

I think the quote in your signature is the answer to the question.

It depends on what you are denying.

If I am terrible at golf, but deny it, and fancy myself an expert golfer, who does that really hurt? I can believe it if I want to. "You guys just don't appreciate my unique swing and excellent form..." You get the idea.

If I am terrible at communicating my emotions, but deny it, and think that the problem must be that everyone else is just stupid or crazy, who does that hurt? Well.... potentially lots of other people.

See, that's what I've done to other people my whole life, without realizing it. I was in denial about the way I communicated. I thought that everyone else was the problem. I thought I was always right. Then I found out about AS, and my state of denial could continue no longer.

So I think that the price of living in denial is relative to what you're in denial about.
Some things cost nothing.
Some things can cost a lot.

Yes, that'd be me.

Warface, I hadn't thought about that connection. Thanks! And welcome to WP! You're a good acquisition, I see. Then again, you don't need to improve your reality if you're happy living in fantasy/denial...?

Acacia, you mean when the consequences won't be too bad, then it's preferable to live in denial?

I prefer to be aware of the truth.

Knowledge alone isn't power, I think. Knowledge can cause despair, spread doubt, reveal ugly things that scare people away. Knowledge is powerful because it can have an immense positive and negative impact if left on its own or left uncontrolled.

But as soon as knowledge is combined with skill, it's raw power to have, I think.

That's why I prefer knowing. I probably will keep to that until I may find my limits to my abilities to handle that knowledge effectively and successfully one day.

But until then - I will want to know no matter how ugly the truth is, because it doesn't affect me if I can effectively use it.

I'm not sure it's that simple. For most people there comes a moment when they have to face the reality, and the later in life that happens, the more devastating the effect.

Those who live in denial (at least some of them) seem to have a distant voice that keeps telling them the truth and they do all kind of self-destructive/destructive things to shut it off. If they are forced to listen, their whole life, self image and beliefs crumble, leaving them with nothing but lies.

So I think the price can be pretty high.

I know that "the truth" is often very subjective, but it is important to me. I am very aware of most of my shortcomings, but regard them as "so what, nobody's perfect". On the other hand, my NT husband is extremely optimistic, often ignoring the obvious flaws in his plans (and in himself). He is often very lucky and things work out. When they don't, he gets disillusioned and even bitter. I would much rather be realistic, know as much as possible, and thus be able to mitigate the problems. If I can't mitigate them, at least I can make peace with the probable outcome. I prefer to be philosophical about failure and learn from it. On the other hand, many people have accused me of living in my own little world, which is true, but I'm honest within that little world! To me, ignorance is just ignorance.

Being in denial is bad. They know deep down they have something but they'd rather not have it so they say they don't and it just causes problems for themselves and people around them. Because they don't knowledge they have a problem and try to work at it or get it taken care of.


My ex didn't think he had a problem so it caused problems in our relationship. He was lazy, didn't want to work or do anything to help himself. He wanted everyone to take care of him and he liked blaming things on other people and came up with excuses. Like the time I had to get gas and he had to go to the store for Mountain Dew, I told him he could go across the street to the store but he was too worried about getting hit by a drunk driver so I drop him off. Then when I pick him up, he says "Oh that street, I thought you wanted me to cross that street" and he points to the highway. I was just amazed by his stupidity because why would I make him cross the highway if the supermarket and the gas station are on the same side of the street? I think even an aspie would know what street to cross. See the gas station and look across the street and they would see the store and know which street to cross. But instead of admitting his bad, he said I wasn't specific enough. Even my own parents were shocked at the story and my mother had a cow about it. People at my old job were also surprised because they were asking "Really?" and asking if he was on any drugs or if his IQ is low. Even my own parents thought he may have been ret*d. I don't know if he was or not or he was just blaming his mistake on me because he didn't want to admit he failed to use his common sense and he should have known by looking for the gas station and then look across the street and he will see the market. I mean if someone said that to me, I would have waited till the driver pulled into the gas station and I would have looked across the street.

Why not live in denial?

Because Truth is valuable in itself, and worth acquiring even at the expense of some Happiness.

In knowing we can grow, through growing we can become that in which we were meant to be, our final form. Our final form is, if we can manage to reach it, the point in which we are exactly who we are meant to be, and this form of ourselves is the perfection from within our own minds, and would allow a state of constant bliss. It is this form that makes me push forward, in hopes that one day I will attain it, and note that the terminology is metaphorical, and I will find the perfection within myself that will allow me to live everyday in an unbreakable state of bliss. I once had an idea for a book, and I will still pursue this idea if I can find someone else to write it for me, where a race of people who were able to control a very powerful meta energy that allowed them to transform into the form of their spirit. A person that achieved the final form was capable of anything that person would desire, as nothing could hold them back. On that description of a final form, if you know all of your weaknesses and can work with them, and know all your strengths and how to use every extent of their existance, than you would be able to do anything that we have the technology to allow people to do, and you would even be able to develope new technologies and theories to push yourself further into this self perfection. That is the final form, true knowledge of oneself in mind and body, a knowledge that will free one from the bonds of their own ignorance, and allow them to peirce the darkness into the unknown and forever pursue exactly what they choose to live for.

Not exactly. I'm saying that in some cases, when denial affects nobody, except to delude/comfort the denier, it is no worse than, say, drinking a six-pack of beer in an evening.
Not preferable. But certainly not an inherently bad thing.

I do want to point something out, though. I'm not suggesting denial and delusion as a coping mechanism. Many people use it that way, and it can lead to far worse things, when people continually choose to deny their reality. Clearly and honestly viewing your circumstances is always the best, most preferable situation. When possible, I like to look at things truthfully. But I know that sense of denial is always there, ready to step in when reality gets a bit too rough. My main concern is with telling the difference.

I also want to point out something else, which this thread got me thinking about. Forgive me if I start to get philosophical.... My personal beliefs reflect the idea that reality itself is a lie. It is a state of perpetual, blind denial. Life and mind and matter, the universe and everything....... None of it is real. It's all an invented daydream; a cozy land of concepts and forms, where humans can order things in logical sequence and construct mental frameworks to live within. "Reality" has no forms or concepts, and can therefore not really be discussed very well through words. As in, how do you describe a non-thing which has no describable characteristics?
This is what I believe, and this is also one of the hardest things to stay mindful of....
The biggest denial of all, and the one with the highest price.

I have lived 44 years of my life thinking everything I thought was fascinating/important/interesting would be for other people too. I would like to deny that, but I can't. Knowing I have AS (diagnosed at 44 years of age this past November) I realize that much of what I have enthusiastically lectured to people on was of no interest to them. I know I fail to see this boredom in their faces. Cruel reality---yes . Confusing reality---yes . But what am I supposed to do? Shall I keep on boring people with my so-called "expert" knowledge of roller coasters, house plans, caves, etc.? I don't think so. But I do have interests that people generally like---my music for example. I am trying to learn what things people generally like, and what they don't. For those things that most people don't care that much about, there are always places that do appreciate them. With my roller coasters, there are plenty of on-line roller coaster clubs to communicate with. I have gladly and proudly accepted my reality of AS .

if you don't mind, my dear Greentea, i shall choose to ignore that, your writing lately shows distinctly otherwise

ask yourself what it is you have to lose,

[voice Bowie]
and you'll be freeeeeeehe, the writing's on the wall

and i shall not alter my position on this matter unless convinced so, by you, when interviewed by me


stickit:askGreenteatodancewithme/toxic@RobertO.iii



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In theory I agree with you 100%. However all my life I've attracted people in denial to me like I was a magnet and they were iron filings. My parents both in denial about almost everything. Mother seems quite pleased with herself. Everyone I've ever loved has been severely in denial, with the possible exception of my maternal grandmother.

So while I agree in theory, I'm pretty sure that I'm in denial about some important things. Ah, just thought of something. When people criticize me like saying why is it always your way or the highway....I figure it's their problem and they're just projecting their problem onto me. haha. yah. I'm undoubtedly in denial. But I'd rather not be. That's one of the perks of having friends - they will tell you what you're in denial about. How else can you figure it out?

But if you don't first believe in the big lies like Santa Claus, Unicorns, and Faeries in the sky, then how will you ever come to believe in the little lies like Altruism, Equality, and Justice?