You can control your "meltdowns"

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No. I'm OCD and AS. Both of these disorders are characterized by attacks of specific types of rage. The two types are very different, though. One is more like a moralistic outrage, even if one knows it's irrational. During an OCD-class attack, I often even voice the opinion, in the midst of it, that my behavior is both nonsensical and counterproductive. I have a great deal of control over these...it's just I have a strong, painful, irrational impulse to "set things back on their proper course." Although I know that it's not rational to do so, there's a voice screaming in my head that the whole universe is going to fall apart if I don't do something, and I may kinda shake a bit. It's less like being out of control and more like being zapped in the ass with a cattle prod. I can keep myself from pursuing this compulsion, but it's painful to do so.

I've also have meltdowns. The autistic variety. They're nothing like the same thing. They're scary. I'm so cold then. I can't control my breathing; it's all coming in sobs and screams. And everyone is attacking me at once, just by looking down at me. It's like they're tearing me apart with their eyes. I scream at them to go away, to leave me alone. I know consciously they're not enemies, but, at the same time, them just standing over me is making me scream in panic. And I can't stop. It's the worst thing ever.

I've been punished for the first. When I have been, I've wanted to get down on my knees and apologize for my behavior. It makes me nauseated with myself. I realize I acted like an ass and did things I shouldn't have. I just want to do anything I can to make the wrong I've done go away, to take it all on me somehow. I know I've indulged in a selfish kind of rage like some pig, and all of the moralistic pretensions that drove my behavior seem hollow, empty, and cheap.

I've been punished for the latter. Those who have done so are unworthy of life. They knowingly tore into me with their claws, even when I begged them to give me just a few seconds' peace, a chance to get my breathing under control. During my meltdowns, I know I can get back under control if I can get people to stop "attacking" for just a few minutes. I've even explained this in clear and lucid terms. If I succeed in getting those around me to understand this, I just wretch and gasp for a while, and I can eventually get myself under some kind of control. If I don't succeed, then it's like I'm a cornered animal, and I'm being torn into. It fills me with hate.

It makes me want to kill. It destroys in me any empathy and any chance of compassion for those who are hurting me. Fortunately, every time I've been ready to reach out in hate to strike them down, something has held me back, punched me in the face for wanting to harm another person. I can't do it. I don't want to. It's just wrong. That's the big difference between me and the Columbine boys or Cho. Same anger, different person.

Earlier today I posted a long and detailed response to Griff, but I have just deleted it. Griff is clearly an angry person, and though I do not believe that he really wants to do the things he is talking about, I do not think it would be a good idea to continue in conversation with him online.

I agree. I'm actually feeling a bit disturbed about his last post.

Just a note... or two... Honestly I haven't read 8 pages of posts, so this is just a note to the original poster.

Firstly, if anger is the only strong emotion you've felt, I suggest finding a more specialized forum. And if you have heart trouble, you might want to see a therapist about anger.

Secondly, "meltdown" and "seizure" are just two words that describe some kind of more or less overwhelming urge, physical problem, or emotional state. They don't really, in themselves, denote a certain power or cause or effect of the episode or event.

I don't really care if you've had a meltdown or a seizure. It's natural to consider the worst feeling you've ever had a bad feeling, even if there are people who feel worse. If you want to complain about others using strong language about weak issues, this isn't the place. I'm pretty sure you're whining as much in starting this post as we are talking about seizures, because I can assure you there are people worse off than both of us. So don't take it out on us if you feel our problems aren't big enough to warrant the use of an entirely normal vocabulary.

If you feel yourself getting really worked up, overreacting and angry, you could take a xanax if your Dr. will prescribe it. It has been effective for me.

I read loads of stories in magezenes about domestic violence in relationships, where the man controls his wife/girlfriend and then lashes out if she disobeys his ''rules''. This is all due to the man being an angry person with vicious tempers, and 90 percent are NTs. (This can be women aswell, but in most magezenes I've read it usually seems to be the man).

I think NTs can have worse tempers on them than Aspies can. The other day I saw a young couple having a massive argument in the street, and the woman was screaming at him - she sounded so angry and pissed off. And this was in broad daylight, and also they had a toddler in a pushchair. The bloke was stamping his feet and swearing. It looked like they were both experiencing an unstoppable meltdown. And they were NTs because my friend knew them, and she said they've never argued like that before, but she also said that the woman has a vicious temper though.

So just because someone gets angry, doesn't mean we can go around assuming they're Aspies.

You'll be surprised at what behaviour can come from NTs.

In public...about 9 years old....in private...um...30.

~Kate

You're right. If I didn't control my meltdowns, I'd be going around throwing things and hitting people and being all psychotic because I didn't control it. I be even more rude and be shoving people out of my way. I'd also be doing distructive things and stabbing my husband with a kitchen knife and maybe going to prison for it.

So yes we can control it to a point where we aren't acting like this.


EDIT: Oh god, I just realize this is an old thread. Now who the heck bumped it?

I love self righteous people who have a monopoly of what is right, wrong, and cool in this world.

Thank you for not judging anyone.

Quote Removed

Its a quote from a documentary I watched. And I wrote it down because I like it. It sums up my views.

I am not emo. All though I can agree that there are some meltdowns that can be controlled, some meltdowns cannot. I think I like to classify meltdowns in stages:

Stage 1 is the easiest to control, it's the easiest to shut down and think

Stage 2 is a little harder to control, takes some practice

Stage 3, the hardest to control and takes a lot of practice to control, but usually ends up in some sort of breakdown

One time at work, there were to many people all at once. The sounds were beginning to invade my head, the lights were getting bright and I was getting a massive headache. I had to hide in the break room for a while to recharge. That's my Stage 3 meltdown. Which involves tears or some sort of form of frustration that makes me want to curl up somewhere.
I need to recharge sometimes.

I've noticed that many people worldwide like to assume a superior attitude because they're better at something than another person. These people like to act as though they follow a 'better' moral compass than others, that everyone should adopt their world view and think and act as they do.

Give me a break. What you're really doing is being an ass. How pathetic.



Which does not justify your tirade launched at those aspies who have talked about their meltdowns on WP. Often such threads are started in a bid to find understanding and support. Your pompous, and frankly insulting attitude towards those people is 100% controllable. Seems like you have a few things to learn yourself.



People suffering from a genuine meltdown are not looking for excuses, they're trying to cope with a situation which is beyond their ability to control. Many aspies, like myself, don't always have the option to retreat from the cause of a meltdown. Try losing a job, going through divorce, being forced to move home, losing a loved one, dealing with small-minded people at a job you can't afford to lose, having your home broken into, having people in your life who don't understand that it isn't ok to call round without checking ahead first or being in any one of a million situations that you simply lack the tools to deal with. Now throw a bunch of them together and tell me how you get on.

It seems to me that you're either living in a bubble, or you simply aren't as prone to meltdowns as other aspies. That does not make you a better person, it merely makes you different.




Then go and find out who those people are and preach at them instead. Drawing from my own experiences, I accept the word of those people who discuss their meltdowns at face value, rather than sitting on a perch and judging them because I happen to be better at regulating my environment now.

Weird, I have meltdowns and they're nothing like tantrum or outburst of anger. I literally lose the ability to communicate, listen, shift attention, and usually cry a lot.

A meltdown is not a tantrum. As I understand it, a tantrum is almost a sort of protest against something you don't like or disagree with, while a meltdown is a reaction from deep within the nervous system in response to an overabundance of stimulation. You consciously chose to throw a tantrum, you don't get the choice with a meltdown. A meltdown is your nervous system going into overload and firing off "stress hormones" in a vain attempt to resolve things misinterpreted as threat.

ps: 3 years ago lol

Man, but that feather is painful.

My biggest problem with trying to control my meltdowns is that I don't expect them. Something major will happen and I don't have a problem, but then something minor happens and it's like it all catches up to me. But if I stopped to try and control a meltdown that wasn't happening every time something bad happened, I wouldn't be able to function.

I think I need to gain more awareness of myself about when a meltdown could be coming. After that, I think that I might be able to control them. I do have a number of techniques for calming myself.

When I do expect a meltdown, I can calm myself. After a meltdown has started, if I recognize it, I can usually calm myself. The problem is the first few seconds of what's going on.

I have very little control over my sporadic meltdowns, that I don't have very often. Maybe once every two or three months.

I'm 34 and just now discovering that I have Asperger's. At this point I am self diagnosed, and am pursuing a formal diagnosis to put into writing what I already know.

I certainly can't be put into the original poster's category of using Autism/Aspergers as an excuse for the many melltdowns I've had over the course of my life.

When I had meltdowns at home, I was always accused of 'pitching a tantrum' and people would scream at me to 'stop being angry!'. When I had meltdowns at work, I'd come in the next day and be told that getting angry was going to lose me my job.

I always thought that the people telling me these things were nutz. Because there was never any anger involved in these things - it was best described as frustration, but felt more like being on a tiny ship in a huge storm (a toy boat in the atlantic during hurricane omfg). So I usually passed it off as no big deal because they only seemed to be concerned that I'd been angry.... and I hadn't been. Logic dictated that I hadn't done the bad thing they claimed I had.

Did I realize it was abnormal to have 'fits'? Maybe? I don't think I really did. I felt as if I was being unfairly attacked by people who didn't understand me, and were purposely trying to destroy me and my mind. And afterwards, they took no responsability for their part or stance in triggering or 'feeding' the fit, or for themselves acting in an angry and hostile manner - all the blame was on me. All I knew was that my fits made people not like me, so they were bad things to have. I didn't want to have them anymore.

But since I knew I wasn't angry like people were claiming I'd been, I figured they were all just messed up in the head, angry bitter people with a dysfunctional view of what had actually transpired.

Now that I know it's a matter of Aspie/NT perception, I look back on all those years and realize that maybe they saw something expressed by disfunctional body language and vocal tone that wasn't intended but WAS there. That maybe they weren't all nutz.

I certainly never threw fits on purpose.
I certainly never decided to throw a fit because I had a diagnosis of anything.
I certainly never had any desire to start or to suffer through those 'fits'
I certainly never had fits "just to make a scene / impression".
I certainly hated having made a commotion.

I certainly believed that people were overreacting - that they were nutz or stupid.
Hopefully now that I know my body doesn't 'talk' properly, I'll know that any sort of confrontation may easily escalate to a 'meltdown' sized arguement simply because the NT is reading some extreme level of confrontation from me that I do not intend to portray.

I like the 1-2-9-10 dial analogy; But I think it might be that Aspies express only 1-2-9-10 because we don't have the mimic-body-languiage to read or express the other points on the scale - and when we dial up to point 3, our opponent reads us as "9" and responds in kind. Which of course makes us do the same. Viscious cycle. Sorta like feeding heat into a hurricane to try and stop it.

This isn't trying to say it's NT fault... but NTs need to realize we aren't angry or striving for a reaction, or to derive benefits from our 'fits' - and we certainly don't seek confrontation (hell some of us live half secluded in order to avoid it) .. And if we COULD avoid these things we would.

And the original poster needs to realize this too... 34 years I had fits and never had ANY sort of diagnosis or suggestion of a need for diagnosis. Saying we 'feel free to have fits because we're diagnosed' is a load of piss.

Edit:
A Tantrum is throwing a fit becuae you don't like the way something is.
A Meltdown is too much confusion and an inability to deal with it in a logical manner.

Tantrums are "thrown" because you're whiny, lazy, or arguementative.
Meltdowns drop onto your head like an anvil in a roadrunner cartoon.

Edit2;
I've also had meltdowns not involving people but didn't want to clutter my post too much.

Last edited by OddFiction on 02 Sep 2010, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've gained some control, in the respect that I can usually (not always) know when they're coming a few minutes ahead of time and can often put it off for 5-10 minutes if safety is in question (e.g., I'm driving), by concentrating on only essential tasks, but it's not easy and it makes it worse when it all catches up to me.

If possible though, I just remove myself from the situation and go into a bathroom or some such. I also carry a ball from an old trackball that helps sometimes, the patern of dots on it is irregular making them nearly impossible to count every single one (despite trying) and even when spun the rolling resistance is so low that it follows nearly perfect newtonian physics on a hard surface or when thrown into the air. It gives me a familar focus point to shut out the overloading stimuli and in a minute or two I can go back and rejoin whatever it was I was doing before. I also keep M&Ms in my car or nearby as they don't melt and provide some endorphine release right afterwards if it's required.

Fortunately, they're also infrequent - once a month or less for the most part.