Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Gender double standard and Autism

Page 10 of 10 [ 159 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Previous topic | Next topic

Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

20 Jul 2013, 3:06 pm

billiscool wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
billiscool wrote:
of course not all autism women,have an easy life.However there are
autism women,that do very well in life,have tons of friends,good relationships.
are they just more mild and better looking.


There are autistic men who do the same. What is your point?


you are correct,so are they just more mild and better looking.
does looks and being mild,does that play any part
in having an ''easier'' life.


Also, being "mild" and being "better looking" are not necessarily linked.

I think there are many factors that play a role in how one's life turns out. Being mild is only one possibility, and someone who appears mild may not be "mild". And being mild doesn't mean other issues won't play a role in complicating things.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

20 Jul 2013, 3:09 pm

Verdandi wrote:
billiscool wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
billiscool wrote:
of course not all autism women,have an easy life.However there are
autism women,that do very well in life,have tons of friends,good relationships.
are they just more mild and better looking.


There are autistic men who do the same. What is your point?


you are correct,so are they just more mild and better looking.
does looks and being mild,does that play any part
in having an ''easier'' life.


Also, being "mild" and being "better looking" are not necessarily linked.

I think there are many factors that play a role in how one's life turns out. Being mild is only one possibility, and someone who appears mild may not be "mild". And being mild doesn't mean other issues won't play a role in complicating things.


so,what about looks,do attractive aspie (male or female) do they have it easier in life.



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

20 Jul 2013, 3:51 pm

It depends. I mean you might be able to use those looks to get into something where they matter, but then again you might be socially unable to take advantage of such opportunities because you're completely oblivious.

I certainly have had people flirt with me because of my appearance, but as I am largely oblivious to flirting, I am not sure it is relevant. Plus, if I did notice and take them up on anything they'd probably eventually want sex and I am not interested in sex, so that's a thing.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

20 Jul 2013, 4:20 pm

Verdandi wrote:
It depends. I mean you might be able to use those looks to get into something where they matter, but then again you might be socially unable to take advantage of such opportunities because you're completely oblivious..


that sound like the autism women,that Im use to. some are attractive but they have no idea if a guy is flirting with them,
and many times they act weird or aloof,so guys just give up.

the autism women,they can get men,left and right,must have alot better social skills,than the one's who can't
the autism women that regularly date nt men must be more mild than autism women
who can't get nt men,to date them.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

20 Jul 2013, 6:33 pm

billiscool wrote:
of course not all autism women,have an easy life.However there are
autism women,that do very well in life,have tons of friends,good relationships.
are they just more mild and better looking.

I think even with mild autism, the difficulties with social interaction can still have a huge impact on a person's life, including for women. I have mild autism/AS and am alright-looking. I don't do particularly well in life, don't have many friends, and am usually single (apart from online dating, I am hardly ever asked out).

So basically, my opinion is that if you struggle with social/interpersonal skills, your life is going to be greatly impacted, even if all the other aspects of your autism are mild. Being female won't help.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

20 Jul 2013, 7:03 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
I think even with mild autism, the difficulties with social interaction can still have a huge impact on a person's life, including for women. I have mild autism/AS and am alright-looking. I don't do particularly well in life, don't have many friends, and am usually single (apart from online dating, I am hardly ever asked out).

So basically, my opinion is that if you struggle with social/interpersonal skills, your life is going to be greatly impacted, even if all the other aspects of your autism are mild. Being female won't help.


so what the difference between autism women who do well in social life.
and the one's who don't.the social successful one's are they doing something different.

and same with social successful autism men. there are autism guys who are
dating their 5th nt girlfriend,and can get ons, what are they doing different
from the social unsuccessful autism men.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

20 Jul 2013, 9:35 pm

I think it's good to discuss these things but maybe the title of the thread is wrong, maybe it should just be "gender differences" (that's probably a more productive way to think about it) because we know that in general that there are different "pre-defined" expectations. But "gender double standards" seems to imply some kind of battle between the sexes :-P



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

21 Jul 2013, 12:37 am

billiscool wrote:

so what the difference between autism women who do well in social life.
and the one's who don't.the social successful one's are they doing something different.

and same with social successful autism men. there are autism guys who are
dating their 5th nt girlfriend,and can get ons, what are they doing different
from the social unsuccessful autism men.


Maybe these autistic women who do well in social life don't actually exist outside your own assumptions?



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

21 Jul 2013, 12:39 am

savvyidentity wrote:
I think it's good to discuss these things but maybe the title of the thread is wrong, maybe it should just be "gender differences" (that's probably a more productive way to think about it) because we know that in general that there are different "pre-defined" expectations. But "gender double standards" seems to imply some kind of battle between the sexes :-P


That is the core problem with these threads. Often it's because a guy has trouble finding a relationship, so he frames it as "Women have it better because they don't struggle as much!" which is a huge assumption to begin with, and just goes downhill from there.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

21 Jul 2013, 1:27 am

billiscool wrote:
so what the difference between autism women who do well in social life.
and the one's who don't.the social successful one's are they doing something different.

and same with social successful autism men. there are autism guys who are
dating their 5th nt girlfriend,and can get ons, what are they doing different
from the social unsuccessful autism men.


Do they do well though? I don't mean male/female I mean both.

What if that relationship doesn't work out - where are they then? Do they have the skills to go and find another partner in say the next year or two? It's a nice thought that if you're successful once you will be again. But maybe they struggled to get there in the first place - like maybe they used the internet as a way to do that. That's probably the same as not functioning socially still even if it's an OK way of doing things.

Also from a certain point of view being on your fifth partner may be because you're not good at relationships.

So I think it's hard to say if it's success or not.

EDIT:
The words 'friendship' and 'relationship' are probably interchangable there so I should maybe have chosen more generic words :P



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

21 Jul 2013, 2:48 am

savvyidentity wrote:

Do they do well though? I don't mean male/female I mean both.

What if that relationship doesn't work out - where are they then? Do they have the skills to go and find another partner in say the next year or two? It's a nice thought that if you're successful once you will be again. But maybe they struggled to get there in the first place - like maybe they used the internet as a way to do that. That's probably the same as not functioning socially still even if it's an OK way of doing things.

Also from a certain point of view being on your fifth partner may be because you're not good at relationships.

So I think it's hard to say if it's success or not.

EDIT:
The words 'friendship' and 'relationship' are probably interchangable there so I should maybe have chosen more generic words :P


they are more social successful than autism folks who can't get dates.
but they may be more unsuccessful in other area.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

21 Jul 2013, 3:47 am

billiscool wrote:
they are more social successful than autism folks who can't get dates.
but they may be more unsuccessful in other area.


Sorry I meant autistic people, my mistake.

And I agree that having a dates/friends is more successful than not having friends/dates



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

21 Jul 2013, 4:30 am

billiscool wrote:
and same with social successful autism men. there are autism guys who are
dating their 5th nt girlfriend,and can get ons, what are they doing different
from the social unsuccessful autism men.


I think there may be a multitude of reasons why some men are successful in relationships and others are not. The questions you pose are not really all that different from socially awkward NT males who have difficulty approaching women.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

21 Jul 2013, 4:36 am

Verdandi wrote:
Is it really valid to tell autistic women what life is really like for autistic women when those same autistic women are saying, "No, that's not what it's like at all?"


Maybe give the guy a break, I remember how it was being socially frustrated and developing my own theories (heuristics) about women which I am too embarrassed to repeat here. When you have little social contact with women (other than your mother or sister) it's easy to develop bias.



hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

21 Jul 2013, 6:58 am

I certainly wouldn't be considered successful. I don't work and don't ever plan on working. I live with my mother and plan to do so until she dies. I haven't had sex in 18 years and a relationship in 20 years. The two relationships I had barely counted. They only lasted a few months each and were shallow. I wouldn't even know how to get into or maintain a relationship but that probably didn't matter as much back then because my immaturity was probably excused by my being an inexperienced teenager. I wouldn't know how to have an adult relationship.