Like many of you, I also tend to be very honest about my shortcomings. I always thought of this as being a sign of "confidence", actually- (the ability to look at oneself truthfully)- however, what I´ve learned is that the rest of the world seems to look upon this as a lack of confidence, and seems to prefer this overblown, superficial kind of confidence instead. For instance, when applying for jobs, I am very honest about what I can and can´t do; I would rather do something really well, or not at all. What I´ve learned is that most people say they can do everything, and then just fake it. (That´s why there are so many people in jobs that they´re not really qualified for).
I also have a really hard time accepting compliments. I think I´ve slowly gotten better at this, though sometimes I´m still not sure what to say. I was raised in a family that drilled humbleness in me, and I wasn´t complimented all that much in childhood, so as an adult I just wasn´t sure how to handle it. When I´ve directed shows, or done choreography, sometimes people have held my hand, looked directly in my eyes and told me- emotionally- how much it affected them. Although, on the one hand, I love getting that kind of feedback and am glad if people feel moved, when in this kind of situation, all I want to do is run away! So in the moment I act, well...strange...later, when I´m alone, I relive the situation over and over and over again, enjoying it in private. Kind of a strange way of accepting a compliment I guess....
_________________
"death is the road to awe"
23 Jun 2009, 2:45 pm
