NT/ Aspie THread

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Instead of 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'... it is more like those on the spectrum are metric, and the rest of the world is on English standard.

I'm glad it helped; this thread has a lot of potential to help... it important that we all work to maintain that positive approach.


M.

This is a really important point. It took me a long time to realize that people took it personally when I, or I and my husband, declined social invitations. (By the way, I have the same opinion about grazing in herds that drowbot0181 expresses above.)

Now, instead of being defiant and annoyed, we're taking a new approach. Whenever someone is being persistent about socializing with us, my husband tells them that we appreciate the invitation but that my mild autism makes socializing too difficult for me (sometimes he'll go without me). This has helped a lot, especially with extended family. So far, every reaction has been positive, and I think they appreciate knowing that my/our issue is not about them personally. (In fact, the reaction of family members who have known me for years has been, "Oh, that explains a lot!" lol)

I've been asked this before. My response depends upon who is asking, and my mood. I would tend to interpret that as sarcastic criticism. Asking me that might be a good way to get one's head bitten off if someone asked me that when I'm in a bad mood. Most of the time I ignore it.

That depends. Introverted NTs tend to be very quiet folks. Extroverts are another matter.

I can understand using the phrase as a ritual, it would make things easier. But I don't understand giving the honest answer only when another greeting has been made. Example:

'Hey, how are you?'
'Good, you?'
'I'm good, how are you doing?'
'I feel like s**t. I think I'm going to black out from hypoglycemia if I don't go eat something.'

You would be obviously contradicting yourself, and wouldn't that seem odd?

It's tone of voice:

Him: "Hey, how are you?" [said in a casual greeting tone that assumes everything is fine with you]

You "Good, you?" [said in a somewhat weak voice because you are feeling faint from hypoglycemia]

Him: "I'm good".....[pause, as he looks at you and sees you look a little faint]....."How ARE you doing?" [said with some concern because he realizes you are not doing good at all, due to your weak voice and ill look]

You: I feel like sh**. I think I'm going to black out from hypoglycemia if I don't go eat something"

You contradicted yourself but he expected you to because you didn't look like you were feeling good.

Thanks Janissy

I'll answer your question if you can tell me how to stop my aspie husband from reciting the same boring 2 hour long lectures on time travel, the existence of heaven, Microsoft and how he's going to topple their evil empire... over and over again, ad nauseum and to the exclusion of ALL other topics!

And let me clarify: His lectures aren't boring because I'm shallow and too stupid to keep up. They're boring because they are always the same, no new info and really, for as smart as he is, they are not very well thought-out, and that is pretty darn shallow. Sort of a mish-mash of ideas that he thinks sound brilliant but in reality, if I want to get anything out of what he's saying, I have to add in all the bits he can't be bothered to share outloud, because really, the lecture is for his enjoyment in the recital, and has nothing to do with communicating with me. It's bogus, pretentious and insulting to my intelligence.

I haven't quite figured out how to stop doing that myself, except to just not talk at all. I do still submit my wife to the occasional rant on weird topics (all of the one's you listed have been topics of mine before...lol). And you are right, it is purely for me and my own amusement. It is almost like a compulsion sometimes.

Maybe he could start a blog and use that as a release?

Is there autism in primates? And if so is it the same as autism in humans? Is autism specifically human?

I was about to go on this long spiel about the need for legitimate authority when I realized that I don't think that's what you're talking about. Do you mean social hierarchies as in the jocks are better than the nerds kind of a thing? If so, as an NT, I would say that it exists only because of the pride, elitism, and superiority complex of some and the vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and differences of others. That different groups form to meet the shared interests of needs of those in them is one thing, but that they take on some sort of greater or lesser worth based on superficial factors like clothing, music choices, career choice, car, etc is so pathetic.

I also get disgusted with those who give lip service to treating everyone equally when their actions show that they clearly do not. Take one of those people out to a restaurant and see how the wait staff is treated and the proof will be in the pudding--they're full of themselves in more ways than one.

Most of the people I know do not behave like this. Those who do tend to congregate together so it is easier to avoid them.


I'm a talker, but not a pointless talker. I know some people who will narrate their day. They can't stand silence. Drives me batty! When I talk with a person, it is because I value that person's input, want to share part of myself and do it through verbal communication, have knowledge to impart, or because I want attention. I know people who are manipulative and annoying about the last point and who want a LOT of attention, but I am thinking of when I tell jokes or say silly things about once a week while being distracting which is usually followed with a direct statement about wanting attention.

OK, my questions for those with AS:
If you could genuinely impart one piece of positive advice to other Aspies on the topic of having a successful relationship with an NT (presuming this is the Aspie's desire), what would it be?

And, if you could take a stab at it, when my husband has been told any number of options he can take from 1 to 25, he often feels paralyzed and says he cannot see any options available to him. I could understand saying he doesn't like the options available, that he feels overwhelmed by too many options, that he isn't satisfied that he's considered everything by the small number of options... but I really don't have a frame of reference for what could be going on when he doesn't think there are options at all. Any thoughts?

It's coming from the evolution: early humans had survived and prospered trough tribals hierarchy. Tribals organization is a good survival strategy.



The hunting has done in groups. Also, eating is a moment where every tribal menbers doe the same thing. Which mean this is a good moment for strengthen tribal links.

To expound on the same point, it is a fundamental and positive, peaceful, life-affirming act shared simultaneously by all present. It is the antithesis of being at war with somebody to sit down at a table and share the intimacies of eating with him. By combining socialization (an emotional need) with food (a physical need), said bonds are greatly strengthened. In addition, it is a time that culture is shared as there are numerous customs related to the making and eating of food and it is a time that one's individuality can be shared and appreciated through discussions, anecdotes, jokes, and after-dinner entertaining. The rituals surrounding eating together ground us in the family and in the culture at large. It is one of the parts of a culture that is not taught but is absorbed.

Think about the cultural references to eating together. Dinner and a movie, dinner and dancing, going out to dinner, "dinner time" at home, as American as apple pie. It is all positive imagery of intimacy and goodness.

This is one fundamental building block of my (AS) husband's being. There's a saying that you get to a man's heart through his stomach and that is definitely true for him. The shared breaking of bread creates a shared value, a cohesion, that is so strong that he can clearly identify and communicate it. It isn't the food, it is the eating together.

Ugh. I HATE that! I think the proper response to "Do you ever talk?" is "I do but I tend to have much more engaging conversations with myself".

I also get the sarcastic "stop being so lively".

For the first... acknowledgment of the other person. This was a challenge for me, but repeating back part of what they've said, rephrasing it, validates part of the communication process. (Why this works, I'll be buggered.)

Second... when given choices and options initially, it is both overwhelming in scope and daunting because of my need to work through the results of each option until I am comfortable. That leads to a form of paralysis in me, and I can meltdown if someone continues to press and ask questions when I am processing.


M.

This is a good thread. I didn't realise turning down someone's offer for lunch would hurt the other person so much. I used to always get invited to the beach, and because I have an aversion to water I never went.
My friends invite me to church to but I decline.

My Questions:

I understand the need to hang around in packs but why do it in the most boring places, i.e a supermarket or telephone box?

I cannot understand the need for gossip, especially the kind that says hurtful things about another person. How can saying such cruel things be good?

Why do NT's seem unaffected by the 'r' word? You know the one I mean - the one when said in a derogatory way hurts us, but an NT doesn't even seem to flinch. My brother and sister use this word around me, sometimes to me but don't think it's a hurtful word.

Do NT's ever tire from socialising? I'm seeing a band tomorrow night and one of the band members is playing tonight. I would not be able to do this.