Too much honesty

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I'm very transparent this way too, not my favorite thing either but I don't know how to fix that. I have noticed that I have a much greater conscience than I see in many others who can lie and be cruel and not think twice about it. I have since learned that for many it's second nature to lie, pretty much about everything. Early in life I went on the assumption that others were more like myself than not on a humanistic level but I had to learn that I'm very different than they are this way too. I guess I'm more or less stuck being who I am as I have little or no power to change it and just have to do a better job protecting myself from people who can't under any circumstances be trusted, even while they make all sorts of justifications, including how incredibly virtuous they are and more thoughtful and this way less hurtful to others. What a load of ear wax!! I have never hurt anyone with being honest while I have been 'terribly' hurt by the lies, deceit, manipulation and betrayal of so many of these folks who manage to be this warped. And while they seem to have so many barriers of protection as well with their total lack of sensitivity, I appear to have little or none.

like Meadow and CR, I am also very transparent in this respect.
I don't fully comprehend the whole public/private divide with regards to disclosure and communication. My lack here, is related to my impaired ToM in the sense I have no awareness in the moment, of how my disclosures will be interpreted or received.

In the end however, I would much prefer to be this way than any other. I like the cleanness of it. THere is a nice innocence about it in a world that is full of too much strategising and concealment. I think it is why many perceive us as somewhat "childlike" or "naive" at times.

i can live with that! beats the alternative!

I find that a problem too. I just say stuff, whether people like it or not. I tell the truth, because I feel that's what needs to be said. I really don't have a lot of tact when it comes to saying things.

I can relate. I can't grasp the level that other people relate on. I know it is there, but I can't get ahold of it. So I find it's better I keep my mouth shut most of the time. Sometimes it helps to try to translate what they are saying into some other language, which is hard enough to keep my brain occupied since I know bits and pieces of 4 languages and am not fluent in any. Anything but answer back or respond the way my brain is telling me I should, which is almost always wrong.

one thing I have learned is it's not always necessary to tell on myself. I am really clumsy and break things alot...running into things, etc. The other day at work I broke the nozzle on the water fountain, just snapped it in half. I kind of had to talk myself down from telling someone. I just left the broken piece there beside it. It got fixed. I have to be selective about telling on myself because if I told about every dent in the wall or scratch on furniture from me plowing into something I'd be fired. That is knowledge I've come to from experience though, it's an individual thing.

I don't like to lie, and almost never do it.

Today, the special education teacher who worked with my son for the past few years (not this year) saw me and asked how I'm doing. She stopped to chat, so this wasn't in passing. I think she really wanted to know how I'm doing. Well, I'm doing terribly. My anxiety has got me immobilized, and I'm worried about both of my children, and I've got no money. My brain won't work enough for me to even focus on things that I love. And I'm having a really hard time losing weight. But I knew it wouldn't be appropriate for me to say that, so I said, "Fine...I guess..." in a way that, hopefully, said, "Not fine, now please don't ask me to explain."

That's as close to a lie as I can get.

or here's a better idea: rather than learning how to lie, as that's how human society works...learn how human society works, so you'll be one step ahead every time, with no real reason to lie, except to protect oneself.

Sometimes you guys just make these waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy.

Learning how human society works may sound easy on the surface, but it may be very difficult for a person with Asperger's Syndrome. How would you suggest that an aspie learn "how human society works" so the aspie "can be one step ahead every time"?

I won't claim to never lie, but I certainly never do it for no reason, so if someone asks me if I like something they just made, or if I like their clothes, or whatever, I'll tell the truth. It's better in the long term anyway.

Y'know those 48 Laws of Power I keep talking about? Try checking that out.

And forget what people say most of the time, just analyze their actions constantly; rest assured, you'll find a pattern.

OK, I did find some postings about the 48 Laws of Power. Quite frankly, I find most of those laws to just be ways to elevate oneself to power, while hurting other people. For instance, "Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit." Doing that just seems plain wrong, and would certainly lose the friendship and respect of those who did the work for which you took the credit! My policy has always been to give credit where credit is due, to compliment and praise those who help me. That's what teamwork is all about.

Then there's "Law 21: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker, Seem Dumber than your Mark." It says that "the trick is to make your victims feel smart, and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives." Since when should you think of other people as "victims"? How cruel and heartless!

Anyone who follows these rules will only make enemies, and lose any friends they once had. No wonder they say "it's lonely at the top." People at the top may have power and wealth, but without friends and without the respect of others, they will never be truly happy. As for myself, I'd rather be at "the bottom of the totum pole," and have friends who respect and appreciate me, than be at the top and have enemies.

take care elderwanda. it sounds as if there is a lot for you to deal with.
I hope you are ok. I know how hard mothering can be - particularly the aspect of worrying about our children and hoping they will be ok.

For the fiftieth time: I never said these laws were good; I just said they're the laws society follows.

As long as you know them, and how people use them, you can always be one step ahead of them. It's just about knowing what people will do.

I almost always tell the truth. What I don't know most of the time is what the other person is asking for, and what their going to do with the info. Still have delayed TOM and when other people say sarcastic things its hard for me to tell if its true or not. Then they say its a joke and it totally confuses me. I have learned to tell a white lie when someone asks me how I am. I say "I'm pretty good" or something else like that, even if I feel terrible. (Bipolar) It is hard to tell other lies, even if it is important to me. I always include more detail and info than is needed, even if I know it will probably bore the other person.

I'm very honest about myself, here at WrongPlanet.

Yesterday, at the movie theater I saw a man in an airforce uniform and that reminded me about the miltatary ID I have because my father is a vetern. I asked the ticket lady if they had discounts for "civlians". My mom jumped on me and I thought I said something offfense and disrespectful. I was so embarased I thought I was going to cry. Later my mom said I should just ask for a standard milatary discount because it saves money. WTF? You got all over me just for being honest? I don't get my mother at all sometimes. She's always complaning about no body has any morals these days and here she gets all over me for exhibiting a moral so she can save a buck.

Today I asked a neurotypical friend (who has very good social skills) what to do if someone asks me if I like their new outfit. He suggested "deflecting" the conversation (rather than saying I like it--when I don't, or telling the truth and saying that I dislike it).

The conversation might go something like this:

Your friend: "How do you like my new outfit?"

You: "Wow! Where did you get it?"

Your friend: "I got it at Wal-Mart."

You: "Did you get it for a good price?"

Your friend: "Yes, it only cost me $10."

You: "Wow! I've noticed that they really have some low prices at Wal-Mart. You must be a smart shopper to find such good bargains on clothing."

You see? By responding in this manner, you did not have to lie about your opinion of your friend's outfit. And you even managed to give her a compliment about her ability to find good prices on clothing. How about it aspies? Do you think deflecting the conversation in this way is a good idea? Do you have any other ideas about how to respond truthfully without hurting the other person's feelings?