Counseling/Therapy

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Sorry about the quality. I have a hard time making out the words, too, but I can do it. I wish she'd put up captioning with it, or written text of what she said to the side.

ok, I'm back to clarify because of the concern over "red flags".

I see therapists who work in behavioral modification. that's the only method that's done me any good.

when I talked about needing my therapist, it was because there was no one else I could talk to or who even knew who I really was, and I had been through a series of traumatic experiences in my marriage. just going to see a therapist was traumatic, and the work I had to do was traumatic because my childhood and marriage had been traumatic. when I look back at that therapy series, it doesn't seem at all strange that it made me feel worse. I had to get a grip on reality, which I did not have, and accept all those horrible things that had happened to me and stop being scared of them so that I could take care of myself.

I was lucky to find a therapist who I could trust because that was the most emotionally turbulent period of my life next to my teenage years. I'm lucky to have the therapist I have now. I actually need that couple of hours a month where someone is helping me sort out the tangle in my brain. it's a tiny respite from being on duty for other people all the time.

I suppose I talked about the ideal therapist, when I said that. You know, how things should be. I've heard similar things as the ones you wrote about general therapists to whom autistic people go to.

The general therapist where I live, at least, doesn't know a thing about ASDs. I would not go to one because I am worried about exactly what you wrote about happening to me. That he would say, well, it's nonsense that you have trouble recognising that other people think and feel and then try to treat something else because he or she really doesn't understand autism.



Mine does help with social skills for the most part, because that's what I request help with mostly. In the beginning, but still these days, the therapist tests me naturally in the conversation and quizzes me on what I know and can do in social situations.

There are many ways for the therapist to try to help with social skills. It can be organising what to in different types of conversations, working on fine details in conversations, pointing out if there's something atypical about your non-verbal communication and offering to help with it and if you want to change it he or she offers to help.

The success of the therapy depends a lot on the many things though and lots can go wrong. Just a few are that the therapist can be clueless about you as a person or your problems, that what works for almost everybody else doesn't work for you, most people have these sympathies and antipathies, you could even get treated for the wrong disorder or wrong problem.

As for what you wrote about your mother, I can relate to that. My family knows me for my whole life and they have taught me many things, even some concerning autism. But the ASD therapist has helped me more in the ASD area of my life, though not in others as my family did, because the therapist knows autism well or should know it well. Because I have trouble relating to other people and because other people have trouble understanding me because they don't know autism very much, somebody who also looks at me from the outside like them but who knows lots about autism can understand me to some extent and explain normal people to me to some extent.

People generally need to feel cared for, validated, etc., and he appears to be somewhat fulfilling a natural need you have that's not been adequately met. If you have developed ways to cope with and operate around unmet need, and then someone comes along (e.g., a therapist) and fulfills it somewhat, making you realise it's still within you, then it's not too surprising that this would have such a large effect on your emotions. If you are becoming obsessed with someone who cannot reciprocate because they have a duty not to, due to the power imbalances involved, and this greatly distresses you, then it does indicate to me the therapy has become unhealthy.

I know they regard transference as part of the process, but the stirring of such powerful emotions, such that you feel you are drowning and becoming emotionally dependent within a relationship that has an innate and clear power imbalance, is a very vulnerable position to be in and can be very traumatic. They seem to treat transference as though it is part of a simulation of real life, as though it is safe as long as boundaries are maintained. However, these emotions stirred are very real and can cause much distress and vulnerability, and many boundaries are not clearcut, which is why the concept is flawed. Have you mentioned anything about this to the therapist? He might be crossing some boundary or other (unintentionally or otherwise), so you might be reacting mostly to this (what they might conveniently name countertransference).

Quality of Therapy is: Quality of the Therapist + Quality of the Therapeutic Relationship.

I've had good and bad Therapists, and I find that you're more likely to have a good Relationship with a good Therapist, and vice versa. But the emotional ups and downs themselves are not a direct indicator of Quality, rather they reflect how we respond to the events in Therapy.

I am pushing for assessment in relation to PTSD through a community Psychotherapy group, and if I assess positive I'll push for therapy. I want to stay in touch and post my experiences.

I really feel badly that I somehow made my therapist look like he's at fault. I really don't think this is his fault at all, I have some deep issues I've struggled with for years. I've tried very hard to suppress and kill these things, these painful feelings, but obviously I failed. It's just coming forth in a torrent and it's hard to handle. I have read that other people experience this kind of transference and it does suck because I know that deep down I can't count on this person to really care for me like a family member or friend that I never had, and that is hard to deal with because it's pretty obvious that's what I'm longing for or have longed for for years. I guess I just wanted to come back and defend him because I don't think it is at all fair to say that any of it is his fault whatsoever. I have huge issues, I admit it. I am disappointed in myself that I can't handle this better But I hope that over time I will not feel quite so strongly and quite so obsessive. I just like that feeling that someone listens and cares. But yet the whole relationship is unreciprocated so I know deep down I will have to look elsewhere. But I'm 30 years old, if I haven't found it by now I have huge doubts that I ever will. But who knows, time will tell. And as far as bringing these issues up, this was all me. He didn't ask me "what is your most painful memory" or something like that. I dredged it all up on my own. Totally me, not him at all!