Is it normal to be more attracted to the friendship of...

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

mechanicalgirl39
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,340

08 Sep 2009, 8:16 pm

kingtut3 wrote:
It is perfectly normal for people with AS to be friends with their teachers more than other students. Teachers have a higher intellectual ability than students. People with AS tend to not fit in with other students for being intelligent.


^This. I've always gotten on better with adults for that reason.

Can also be they are drawn to adults in general because adults are less judgemental. I know that when I got on well with a group of peers, that was a rare event, not the norm. I did better with much older kids or with adults because I didn't have to impress them by showing my cool-culture credentials like I did with kids my own age.


_________________
'You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hands on me, one last time' (Breaking Benjamin)


outlier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Oct 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,429

09 Sep 2009, 6:21 am

It's not the norm, but I think it's generally OK. My chemistry teacher was the only person I wanted to remain in contact with after leaving school. I even visited the school twice just to converse with him, which is highly unusual behaviour on my part. (I was very anxious doing so and he left the country soon anyway.)

He took a keen interest in me while I attended the school and I remember being impressed by his intellect and teaching (so were most students, apparently, because such a large number took chemistry they eventually had to divide the class in two). I was only interested in him in an innocent way. The other students would refer to me as his pet because I received more attention. Interacting with the students did not interest me, but interacting with him did; he interacted on an intellectual level combined with much humour and idiosyncrasy.



Grace09
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 148

09 Sep 2009, 10:14 am

EvoVari wrote:
Grace09 wrote:
My stepson also gravitates to the teacher but not for the same reasons as kids with AS. He gravitates towards younger children and adults because his peers are more likely to judge him. It is not so he can have an intellectual conversation (he likes to talk about objects), it is because he knows the adult will accept him, is less likely to reject him but his teachers will tell him he needs to quit asking questions and he needs to join the group but he has NVLD and maybe undiagnosed autism, not AS, it's a world of difference as I am learning.


You are making an unfounded assumption that all people with AS choose to talk with teachers for intellectual stimulus. Simply, adults and younger children are more tolerant then a childs peers. Your stepson exhibits similar behaviour to me as child and now that I'm an adult I find it easier to talk to younger people who are more tolerant and less judging.

Not sure what you mean by, "it's a world of difference"? Some with AS are exceptionally proficient at grammer, reading, mathematics etc and may have no learning difficulties. Others like myself have learning difficulties, especially with reading, spelling and grammer . I do not satisfy the criteria for NVLD, but I certainly have some of the traits and consider my issue to be a visual processing problem.


What I meant is it seems people with AS don't have as much difficulty as people with NVLD. But I don't know I am just trying to learn. What I am starting to think is my stepson doesn't only have NVLD, I think he also has HFA. It doesn't sound like people with AS have so many academic difficulties. I was helping my stepson with homework last night, it's very hard for him, even writing is hard for him. He can read but never gets the main point. I read people talking about their school or their college or the summer job they had here and it's just so hard for my stepson. College, getting and holding a job, all those things are worries for my husband and I. He couldn't walk one block from this house, he would have too much anxiety.

And I said my son gravitates towards his teachers because they are less likely to judge him which I think is the same thing as being more tolerant which is what you said.

All 3 of our kids went to zoo camp last summer. My 8 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter would talk about the friends they made and my 13 yr old would talk about his counselor. He knew lots about the counselor but nothing of the other kids. Then he gets upset because he doesn't have friends. As a parent you just want to help. My husband said he has had teachers tell him he can't come up and talk to them all the time, he needs to join the group, some have been quite firm about this.



Aspienoid
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 112
Location: Somewhere in Outer Space

09 Sep 2009, 3:51 pm

astaut wrote:
I normally wouldn't spend time/hang out with teachers outside of school, although there are several other adults I would rather hang around with than peers. However, in school it wasn't uncommon for me to hardly talk to any other students all day and have lengthy conversations with teachers or my school counselor. Even if I wanted to spend time with teachers outside of school, I don't think they would do it. Most adults don't want hang around someone my age, even though I'm -technically- an adult.


Yeah, I would never hang out with a teacher outside of school (unless it was at a school or club sponsored event) and there are some adults around me that I occasionally hang out with. Being a teenager in an predominantly older-folks choir constibutes to this, as well as the fact that I have a music teacher whom I take lessons from, so I've hung around her some outside of lessons (one-on-one lessons, anyway).

A lot of people around me seem to see me as an adult, or at least a fairly mature teenager. They always say, "You don't act like a high schooler."


_________________
http://scarlet-tide.deviantart.com/

"With one good trait there is usually the sacrifice of another."


Sora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,906
Location: Europe

09 Sep 2009, 4:19 pm

Grace09 wrote:
What I meant is it seems people with AS don't have as much difficulty as people with NVLD. But I don't know I am just trying to learn. What I am starting to think is my stepson doesn't only have NVLD, I think he also has HFA. It doesn't sound like people with AS have so many academic difficulties.


It is very different depending on the autistic person in question. There are children with classical autism/HFA that are doing better socially and better in independence than a child of the same age with AS. And it is as likely the other way round.

If you then throw PDD-NOS or NVLD into it, the categories most likely cannot be arranged according to severity anymore. All labels then seem to overlap, NVLD can be worse than AS in one person and better in AS in another person.

It's also different depending how professionals where you live diagnose different forms of autism. What you described (the academic difficulties and the concerns about his future independence) about your stepson is pretty typical for high-functioning children with AS where I live.

Elsewhere, professionals will think that this is more typical for someone with HFA or with NVLD and less typical for a child or adult with AS.

It's a really confusing topic.


_________________
Autism + ADHD
______
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett


Grace09
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 148

09 Sep 2009, 10:41 pm

How does on get diagnosed with AS or HFA. I mean my stepson had a psycho-educational evaluation, required by the school, and it sounded like a standardized test was given and they saw the gap in the PIQ and the VIQ and also saw a math disability.

So how can they test for social skills? one-sided conversations, obsessions about object, prosody of speech, standing too close?