Son yells "shut up" when I try to ask him somethi

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When I read the thread title, I thought he was just being deliberately evasive and rude (something my NT brother has down to a fine art), but now I have read the situation, I understand why your son does it. Let me try to explain this to you.

He is expressing his feelings in a rude way, but I can empathise with WHAT he is expressing. When I'm doing something I enjoy (posting on WP, listening to music, reading, etc), and my mum comes into my room and says something like, "Have you got any homework?" what goes through my head is something like, "Oh for Pete's sake! Why does she need to ask that so often? I SAID I had no homework. And what does it matter to her, anyway? It's the teacher's responsibility to punish me if I choose to disregard my homework, not my mum's." I generally express this in a politer way than "shut up" (I normally inform her that I have no homework, and hope she accepts that answer and leaves me alone), but I can see why another person, such as your son, might abbreviate this to something like "shut up" or "leave me alone".

Now, about "why can't you be quiet". This implies to me that he was in "the zone" with his special interest (in this case, the video game), with only the sounds from the game, etc...and then you appear next to him and say something that brings him abruptly back to earth, as it were. When something like this happens to me, the sound of another person's voice cutting through the silence/music/sound of keys on the keyboard/etc can sound like nails on a blackboard, or anything else remotely comparable to mental torture. And if he is in his room (you didn't mention where he is when this happens), and you are going into his room to say whatever you were saying, then you are having to open a door to go in - I, though I cannot speak for your son, can't STAND the sound of a door being opened near me when I'm not expecting it (and people in my house don't knock before entering. When I request that they do, they act like I'm being totally bossy and unreasonable). For me, the sound of *door slams open* "Have you got any homework?" seems to cut right through my brain. So I'm immediately less likely to be all, "Not today, mother dear," and more likely to say, "Don't you ever bloody knock?" or something similar.

Yes, he's being rude, and I can see why this would be frustrating for you. But in this post I have outlined possible reasons he might have for this reaction. I hope this will be helpful for you.

I agree with what people have said that you should have certain times when he can't be disturbed, and certain times when you can talk to him and ask him questions (don't make "question time" too long, though. Too much talking and socialising (even with family) can be stressful for someone with AS).

My mum used to do this. She would do things she knew would illicit an extreme reaction from me and then become defensive and take on the victim role when the obvious reaction occured. I'm guessing it was because she just wanted some kind of emotional reaction, anything other than the way I'd shun and avoid her while living in the same house.

Did you have any idea how he'd react when you interupted his gaming? Surely he's reacted that way many times before when you did that right? The best way of predicting someone's future behaviour is to look at their past behaviour, every time you interupt him he'll react in the same way.

What you need to do is try a different tactic, the texting suggestion probably sounds terrible to you but is a good place to start. I still have problems with face to face communication with my mum, and I try quite a lot but looking her in the eye is so hard, but texts and e-mail is fine. You're not going to get a friendly happy huggy son overnight, you probably won't get it at all but you can improve on what you've got. Just realise when something you're doing isn't working you have to try something else. Eventually you may be able to teach that technique to him and you and he can find ways of getting along together mutually. It wont work if you try and force things on him though.

I don't know if I believe you that you have all these problems with your son, I think you are taking advantage of everyone here who has been giving you good advice. I wish you'd appear in your other threads and see some of the messes you have made.

I don't think people should even give advice to her, she's not seeming very appreciative and she hasn't replied to any thread of hers.

She just seems like an attention seeker to me.

I don't fully believe it, either, and I do think it's attention seeking. I'm not sure what kind, though. It could be the troll variety, who starts dramatic threads, then sits back to watch the drama unfold, or it could be that this person has some genuine issues. To be safe, I'm gonna go with the latter, in which case I recommend that the OP get some help. That's not a sarcastic, or snarky comment. I really mean it. The OP reminds me very much of my mother, who I don't think ever intentionally sets out to harm anyone. She's just got some serious issues that really needs to be addressed.

It's not okay to take advantage of the kind hearted people here who will happily sit, and type their heart out for an hour if they think it's going to help someone. Contrary to popular belief, people with autism care very, very deeply for others, especially when the subject is about someone that's helpless, like children, or animals. I can, and will get very defensive if I see that loyalty, trust, and caring being exploited, like I believe I have in these threads.

Two things. All video games have a "pause" button.

Two. Seriously. Does anyone here think it is a stretch that a teenage AS male could have anger & frustration issues? I mean, come on. NT teenagers have issues, let alone with the extra stress of being AS. In the other thread many many posters admitted that they too, had anger issues when younger and had violent outbursts.

Playing the victim? I think some here may be playing the card but IMO it isn't the mother.

World of Warcraft doesn’t. You wouldn’t believe the grief you catch if you are not performing your role when required. That game is serious business to the people playing it.




Nope, not a stretch at all.



I don’t think we have enough information. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that the OP of these threads may be seeking pity or attention. It may not be conscious though.

Quoting Granatelli

Too much generalization. Who said the kid doesn't have anger issues? I missed it if they did. I think it would be hard to find an Aspie who didn't have anger issues.

Quoting myself:


Quoting Granatelli


I think it would be better to offer Pekkla good solid advice instead of playing the card of consistently chastising posters whose opinion is different from yours and lumping them all into a group which you perceive to be against "the mother". Such a group does not actually exist.

How would you advise Pekkla, Granatelli? I sincerely would like to know.

Excuse me, sorry I couldn't think of a more subtle way of putting it at the time. Seems to happen a lot

As I already said in the other thread, she needs to have a heart to heart with him when he's not stressed. I agree with those who have said she needs to get to the bottom of what it bothering him. But regardless of what the reasons are, he is out of line. If he pulls that kind of crap in college or a workplace he'll be out on his ass. People with AS are just as capable of manipulation to get their way as NT's are, and this is even more true with teenagers.

Quoting Granatelli:

I couldn't agree with you more, Granatelli. A heart to heart is definitely in order between the two. I don't think anyone would disagree with that. He is out of line and we can't expect to get special dispensation in life because we are AS. If he (or anyone else) treated his or her teacher like that they would be kicked out of school. If he (or any one else) treated his employer that way they'd be fired on the spot and charged with destruction of property. And I'll bet he already knows that. Plus, if he said he would "like to kill them" the police would be called in and he would almost certainly be charged with threat and/or intent to do bodily harm. Sometimes we tend to treat the people who love us most in ways that we would never dare to treat others for fear of the consequences.

If he's only doing it when playing video games, my best advice would be to talk to him when he's not playing. When I'm watching SpongeBob, often I don't want to be disurbed and I may get angry, and I'd imagine this is the same. He might be going through the "terrible teens", try asking him if there's anything bothering him.

What do you call it when someone repeatedly posts about the horrible things that someone else is doing, but doesn't bother to look into any of the responses? When someone is looking for advice, they at least try some of the advice given. When they're looking for understanding, they ask questions, try to figure out what's actually going on.

What do you see as the purpose of these posts?

Where do you get that the mother has not read any of the advise? I strongly suspect she did not feel like getting into a tit for tat when in the other thread she was accussed of being an uncaring, selfish child abuser when he punched his fist through the wall when she asked her son to turn off his computer.

Next time he does that, take away the game. Lock it in a box and threaten to destroy it if he doesn't behave. Kids do not have a right to video games. You have to lay down the law if you are the parent.

Yeah, that'll go over well....: )

So there should be no consequences?? Yeah, that'll work....

And it seems that once again, our OP has not returned to his/her own thread...