theory for being content with autism

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First, I want to again thank all of you for the posts here. The type of responses here are overwhelming. Some of you have really voiced great remarks. Second, I want to address questions/remarks by Francis.

Being noncontent---I believe being noncontent is a natural evolution of coming to terms with who we are in autism. I think most of us have struggled socially and in other areas. I have nearly lost my job a few times, and there were areas I worked on with my therapist to strengthen my marriage and parenting skills. Contentment often follows.

Gifts and Talents (What gifts/talents?)---I am in the 10% of autistics defined as a savant. There are three types of savants: Prodigious, Talent, and Splinter. Prodigious savants are the ones that can do things beyond imagination like know every word in a book after reading it once, or play with accuracy a concerto after hearing it only once, etc. There are only around 50 such people in the world today. I am a talented savant. There are many of us. I will tell you how it works for me. As a young child, my family would often go to Lazarus Department Store in Columbus, Ohio. On the fifth floor were Kimball organs, pianos, etc. I became intensely fascinated by the electronic organ to the point it was beyond normal. I just had to have one. I would hang around the organ department for so long that the salesmen would let me stay in one of their offices looking at demo models and brochures. Mom and Dad got me a Kimball organ for Christmas. Without any lessons, and in very little time, I began playing songs I was hearing on the radio and television. I shocked them with being able to play the theme song from Bonanza with accuracy. I have no idea for sure how I can do this---it just happens. But first, I have to be fascinated by the instrument. If I am fascinated with any musical instrument---I can play it in little time and without lessons/training---it just happens. That is how I began playing both the hammered and mountain dulcimers. I got fascinated, and then without knowing the notes I can play songs---it is like the instrument is a part of my anatomy. When I play music in this manner, it is like a glass shield encloses me, and everything around me mutes out (I often perform in public). I feel like I am the only person in the world---like I am in my own private universe. Then, when the song is finished, the shield goes away, and I absorb back into the awareness of the crowd I am playing for. Savantism is something I don't understand that well. But for me, I get fascinated, and it just happens. The special intense interest I was noted for having as a child was roller coasters. After looking at the statistics for any wooden roller coaster, those statistics would imbed in my mind. So, as a child, I had memorized like an encyclopedia, all the statistics for every wooden roller coaster in the United States, Canada, and Mexico. People could come up to me and say, "What about the Swamp Fox in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina?". I would reply, "Wooden roller coaster, designed and built in 1966 by John Allen and the Philadelphia Toboggan Company, construction supervisor was James Martz, 72 feet tall, 2640 feet long, ride time is 1 minute 45 seconds, it is a figure eight out and back, uses two 24 passenger trains consisting of 4 cars each holding 6 passengers a piece, one train is red, the other blue, coaster structure built of Douglas Fir from Oregon and painted white, has enough wood in it to frame up approximately 100 houses, was built to withstand hurricane force winds of 120 mph, etc. etc. etc." I think you understand what I am saying here---that is how I am a savant. I don't have to study things like this. It just happens.

Routine---When my routine is broken, I am challenged. I am a teacher of the gifted. My therapist once asked me why I chose teaching. I said the school was what I had always known, I could not imagine a different environment. The school setting as an occupation would therefore be an extension of me being a student. I live be the clock and work by the fact that the bell to begin my job always rings at 7:45 in the morning. Each period ends at the same time. If we have an assembly, I would almost rather call in sick. I like routine.

Stims (tics, etc.)---Well, I stim. I finger flap---today my hands are a mess---peeling, itchy, rough, etc. My stimming has almost driven my wife "nuts." I also pop my thumbs in a way that is different than standard cracking of knuckles. I simply move a thumb in a certain way and it pops. I do it all the time. I don't claim stims to be a gift---but they do relax me. I compare stimming to steam building up in a pressure cooker---sometimes the steam has to be released---and I stim. If I don't release, the pressure cooker could explode.

Don't apologize Francis---I am glad you have posted here. You have stated you want to find your happiness in autism. That is more than many people with autism can do. If you want to find happiness---then I believe you will find happiness. It might take some time, but it will happen. I have stated before on my wonderful world of autism thread that you first have to unwrap the gift, accept it, nurture it, and then it will become a true gift. For you, I feel you must start by simply accepting autism in your life and realizing that it is a part of you---take it away, and you no longer have Francis. You probably already know that. But it is true. If there were a magic pill that would take away our autism, we would no longer be the person we are. And just as there are happy and unhappy autistics, there are also happy and unhappy NTs as well. NTs have challenges the same as we do. We autistics just have to find things we enjoy and do well, and build upon them while trying to focus less on the bad/negatives. Keep posting, I think we can all learn more from each other.

Oh, I so sympathize with you.

My "joy" about discovering about AS is that I now understand myself better. However, I do struggle. I wonder, "What's the point of having all these gifts/abilities if NOBODY values them?" Sometimes, I get angry over being autistic because I see all that I could have been if only I was given a chance like the NTs were given to show what I could do, but I force myself to remember that being angry doesn't help me, so I make myself think about something else.

My most obsessive interest was when I wanted to be a police detective. It was my life (in hindsight, that was an unhealthy way to live). However, nobody would give me a chance to get my foot in the door. It ended very painfully. I went to law school as a logical extension of that desire, but I realized before law school was over that I didn't want to practice law...I hated it (like the law, hate the way it's practiced...too ugly and high pressure). I realized then that I just want to be happy and a career/job isn't the secret to being happy.

After that, I've been without a passion for pretty much anything. I like to travel and see things, but I can't find a way to make a living doing that, so I just do a job I'm good at and save my pennies to take a long trip every year.

Still struggling to figure out where or how I fit into this world...if at all. The lack of passion for anything is my major handicap. All of my "obsessive interests" are dead ends. Nobody will let me have the chance to pursue what I really like, and if I can never have what I want, I find pushing against a brick wall is just a waste of time and energy.

I know this is slightly off-topic, but woah, I'm an idiot! I hadn't looked at your profile, and I was thinking that your avatar picture was you!

It is me back in 1974, when I was almost 10 years old.

That is my dilemma also. The recent discovery of my AS is answering many questions and providing some peace of mind, and I thank everyone here for helping with that, yet the reality of my AS is also seeming to only further assure some "never-gonna-fit" fears I have long had. Overall, however, I do appreciate its seeming isolation and giftedness. Apart from that, I cannot imagine how I might ever have permanently recovered from chronic alcoholism.

I'm happy to know that I was diagnosed auty as a child... it has taken so much weight off me. Growing up I always thought it was my fault that I couldn't "be normal." But also, growing up, I knew that I picked up languages like (as my Dad put it) "other folks pick up hats." I speak twelve languages, I read and write in several more. I'm convinced that's because of the autism. The echolalia which plagued me as a child turned out to be a blessing. The same thing occured with music... I'm so grateful that I can remember music and play by ear, on various different instruments, and that when I'm bored or lonely I don't need to put in an ipod or whatever, I just close my eyes and remember.


Well... to be honest, it would be a threat to my existence. I am who I am because of the way my brain is wired. If somebody managed to make me "normal", would I stop seeing shapes when I listened to Mozart or Pink Floydd? Would I be able to remember a song I heard when I was five and extemporise variations on the piano? Would I be able to sit in a room full of folks speaking a completely alien language, and start to hear patterns in it? Last year I was in Africa, and after three weeks, I could follow a sermon, hold a conversation, in Xhosa... I'd never heard Xhosa before in my life. If I'd not been autistic would I have been able to do that? If somebody cured me, would I lose the joy of following the patterns of language?
That's true... I remember when I was about nine, making a vow to myself that I'd never break my personal geisa (that's like an old Irish version of "taboo") throw litter. I've never done it since then, simply because I promised, even though when I promised I wasn't promising God (I didn't know if I believed in Him) but just because I made a promise. So yes... very rule oriented.
Autism gave me a safer childhood than some of my peers... I didn't end up pregnant at fourteen. But autism has given my son problems, he's been in casuality, after being assaulted on his paper round for being "weird."

There are pros and cons. But I must admit, one of the big pros struck me when we were sitting in casuality, and my son was able to forgive his assailant. I always remember him saying, "poor kid, what must be wrong with him to just fly at me like that?" Then he said a quick prayer for the boy.

That might have been the most moving experience of my life (short of giving birth) and I can't imagine an NT kid doing that.

Just a quick question here... how old are you? I knew a guy at university who was in a very similar situation to yourself. He was definitely gifted, but so was his NT brother, in the same field. Both brothers felt a need to compete (not saying you do) but the autistic brother (even before his diagnoses) was seen by the family as the "defective" one.

Guess which one did best in business?

Okay, in case you're wondering, the auty.

He also did realise that he'd been focussing so hard on matching up to his "bro" that he'd not had any time for himself. His special interest, which only really developed at twenty seven, has given him a great deal of pleasure, and he's been married twelve years. His two kids are both NT.

So...

Don't loose heart.

Not sure I'm content with my autism. Glider's threads usually inspire me to do better though. Today, this thread makes me want to express more gratitude for being autistic. I've tended to focus on how we autistics are mistreated, rather than the joy in my life. I think autistics can be much happier when we take time to develop gratitude for the way we are. I'd like to be more supportive and healing toward autistics, and appreciate it when Glider shows us the way...We really do need you here at WP, Glider.

For most of us, survival has not been easy. And many of us have confused mistreatment from others with a dislike or hatred of our autism. I honestly think we would all benefit from separating out the two. We probably need to forgive those who abuse us or cause us to suffer--in the past, in the present, and in the future. We need to learn to just----not go there (not feel bitter, resentful, vengeful). At the same time, we also need to allow, yes even encourage, venting and healing through rants. We should expect maltreatment and take it in stride, until Autism Activists win for us a better life. When we are shown courtesy and respect, we should celebrate. And if possible, we should help the cause of Autism Activism whenever we can.

A worthwhile life, for me, involves integrity. If my integrity prevents me from surviving, well then....we have a dilema, don't we? The older I get, the more I want to live with integrity. And help others do so as well.

Those of us who are able, should be making time for nurturing, supporting and healing each other....until it becomes a way of life for all of us. We need to brainstrom ways to do this efficiently, quickly. Many autistics are hurting so badly, that they have given up. These are the ones we need to bring back into the fold, so to speak. They are the lost sheep and those capable of being shepherds need to find them and encourage their participation. Over and over again, every one of us needs to hear, how very much those who have given up--matter. And we won't make it without them.

Yes, those are the facts.

When I first started this thread, I began writing what was on my mind that morning, and then before I posted it I almost deleted it. I didn't know if it was worth while or not. But now, because of people like all of you, I am overwhelmed. I am so glad I didn't delete it. I wish that we on this thread could all get together and support each other in a gettogether. I would so love that.

My main challenges are socializing (awkwardness), sensory issues, and taking things literally. Sitting at the counter at a local restaurant earlier today waiting to pick up a take-out pizza, a guy I had never seen before starts talking to me about chit-chat (small talk). Ohh...that is awkward for me. I try to say little comments back, but...I just can't do it well. So, I found myself sitting there stimming by finger flapping and rocking. He quit trying to talk...I guess he realized I wasn't into conversing. My wife used to think I was rude for this before realizing Asperger's---now she understands my social challenges.

Sorry for rambling there---but I just want to confess to all of you that I am like you---I have some pretty tough challenges in my life. I have been in some really dark dilemmas that I thought were hopeless. I have been in some pretty helpless like states before where I actually thought, "Well, according to life expectancy, I only have X number of years to live...then I won't hurt anymore." I have also self-harmed.

But...

After my diagnosis, I changed in my perspective on life (though I still have challenges). I accepted this autism and actually felt relieved---because I knew why I was the way I was. It had a name, and that name was autism. I began looking at positives and enjoying them. Since I realized I could look at this autism as the reason for my challenges, I no longer worried about trying to make myself miserable by trying to fit-in with the so-called norm.

I thank each of one of you for your posts so far. I am learning from them. I feel a special bond with you. Thank you.

glider18

Dude, no one can truly value you unless you value yourself.

No one can let you have the chance to pursue something; ya just gotta pursue it, show your passion for it.

Lemme tell ya...as many folks here already know, I own my own online retail entity, and it's slowly gaining a cult following. Y'know how I started out? First of all, since I first got online, I'd be ordering toys from other online retail entities, doing trades on forums, talking with people on forums, and doing action figure reviews for websites. I was so into my trade, that at work I was made the head of the Trend dept. One day some guy came in and was blown away by my conversation with him, and he invited me to join an online collector's ring. I did, and happened to meet a then-buddy of his, and did some trades with him, and he and I are still friends to this day. Later on, my friend wound up working for one of the biggest online toy news sites in existence, and finally asked me to do an Area Report for the website every week...which got read by thousands all over the world. Know what made it better? I got free publicity for my own business on the website by doing it!

Just remember this: it's what you know that gets you to the door, it's who you know that gets you thru it.

Believe me, if your passion and expertise is good enough, you will be high in demand in your field, and others will want in on that. But the biggest thing to remember is...ya gotta do it for you. Not for external gratification, cause that's phony. At the end of the day, no one else honestly matters. Gotta do it for you, plain and simple.

I am glad that you posted it. I am newer to wrong planet and to be honest I was about to give up on it beucase I wasn't really getting it. But there is a genuiness and sincerity to this thread that I am picking up on.




I am forty. However, I was basically drunk from the ages of 15 to 38, so I am probably dealing with some things that people had dealt with and came to terms with when they we're a teenager or early adult. I'm just running a little late. My brother and I have never been competitive. He actually says he is somewhat jealous because he had to study his @ss off to get his Masters degree and I pretty much did nothing and graduated with High honors. Heck, I didn't even purchase half of the textbooks for the courses.



I think this may be crucial. I had a horrible violent abusive upbringing. Was hospitalized many times as a child and I still have physical scars on my body 40 years later. (I always told them I fell down the stairs) But this is what we are trying to work through with my therapist. What is my AS and what is a result of the abuse. I know I commonly confuse the two and blame things on the AS that I shouldn't and vice versa. IF I can seperate the two, then maybe I can come to accept and be content with the AS.

Sorry for the ramble. Its probably all the same junk you all went through years ago. I just chose to be a drunk instead.

Well. I honestly can't tell that I would like to be normal. For me, normal just isn't good enough.

Yes.
The traits and the negative experiences are two different things.
I've had many positive experiences from my character traits, yet these same character traits also resulted in my most negative experiences.

I notice that given the right environment, I can thrive.

I've also noticed that the traits can be interpreted in different ways by different people.
When I struggled socially, it wasn't because I was an entirely different person, it was because people's expectations of me had changed.

I've always completely accepted myself as who I am.

Other people haven't always and this has led to issues.

I didn't like other people placing a label on me when I was struggling socially. I actually detest the idea of labeling people in general. It was very hard if not impossible for me to accept myself with the label of AS or autism attached. My family have never accepted that there was anything 'wrong' with me because they saw strengths where others overlooked these strengths for the social 'weaknesses'. Incredibly hard to see all of my strengths and beliefs interpreted as 'pathological deficits'.

It's weird, but when I was labeled years ago it was almost as if I was systematically and subliminally being taught to fear and hate those 'negative' aspects of myself because many adults around me feared the label. I was systematically being taught to hate autism. It's utterly bizarre, but many around me with AS traits also fear the idea of autism or deny it. I used to be one of them because no-one really knew what to do with me or why I was behaving the way I was.

I was viewed as socially deficient, not as someone who had a different way of approaching life.

There was also an incredibly negative attitude with regards to seeking help or being helped. If you needed to be 'helped' something was deemed to be 'wrong' or 'special' with you. This is silly because everyone needs a bit of help from others from time to time because no-one can be good at everything.


I think that if there was less stigma regarding getting assistance my family would've been more enthusiastic.

If I'd been offered help porgramme with a tag line such as:
'Help your child harness her inner gifts and genius her own way, succeed and win friends.'

They would've been delighted and would've been more accepting and aware of AS. They'd have also been more willing to work with professionals if a positive spin had been placed on it.

This didn't happen of course. This is the tag line my parents probably received:
'Your child is underdeveloped and a social failure. There's something pathologically wrong with your child that's why she needs help.'

Hence my parents confidence in the system was destroyed. They saw AS as something that I couldn't possibly have because they saw that I wasn't 'ill' or 'diseased' in the way that people were claiming. Trust is a very hard thing to win back.


If I was about 10 years old now and then assessment for AS had been a positive diagnosis, I think that they'd have been more positive because attitudes have changed. If they'd heard or read about Attwood and the female side when I was younger. They'd have been much more positive, less fearful and willing to work with people caring for me. No other reason.


Now, I think that window of opportunity for trust and understanding has gone, given how I was treated by certain people in the system when I was younger.




Yes.

Forgiveness.

Many were probably doing their best with what limited information they had at the time.

They probably weren't aware of what a large role crowding, teaching style and the social environment played.

My theory is that God had everything planned out for me, just as it is now, so I can't really complain.

I don't see the "good" that can bring me autism. It's only good to make me appear smarter that what I really am. I do get interests in science, history, politics and in philosophicals questions. I can't know for sure if it's because I'm asperger, but the peoples with the same interests are generally smarter than me. Of course with this interests and a good memory for random stuffs I do appear very smart. But having good memory is not what smart is all about. Even if Iturn out being "gifted" or wathever, it be coming from AS and I will still be "handicaped" in social and organizational skills. And every jobs and works will still be boring.

How can you know glider18 that you're prodigious abilitie come from asperger? Through history there is some NTs who had show such ability and obsession with music.

Never seen anything that link autism to such sympathy. In digging your posts I seen that your son is highly gifted, and I know that some highly gifted individual have such sympathy. http://www.sengifted.org/articles_social/Silverman_TheMoralSensitivityOfGiftedChildren.shtml (Of course, coming from giftedness or asperger it don't change the fact that your son is AWESOME!! !! )