Dealing with troubled past

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I know what you mean about feeling at home here. Last night, after a hectic day, and a large Thanksgiving with 28 people all engaging in many conversations at the same time, I couldn't wait to get home. On the drive home I found myself thinking "As soon as I get home I am going to that other planet where people are like me."


I can understand that. I also hate to leave things unfinished and up in the air. Otherwise they will haunt me. So even though it's extremely hard, I need to straighten out the mess so I can be done with it. It is good that you are doing that. The rewards will be great.


Sometimes this is so hard to do. But I agree, it must be done to prevent the ill effects of a bad environment from wearing you down and making you sick. I think it's hardest of all in the work place, especially if you need the job and the money to survive. But looking back, there are many places I should have left much much sooner.

I think the major reason for people not understanding another person, especially a non typical person, is that they just don't listen, and also they project their own thoughts onto others. Another reason that I misunderstand people is because they don't provide enough information making me guess what they want of me. I have often told new employers and co-workers that I prefer direct communication as I do not understand subtlety. I would prefer them to come right out and tell me to my face that I am not doing something correctly, rather than let it drag on till they get to the point of being angry with me because I "just don't get it." But this can also backfire. If you present this information at the beginning of your employment a red flag goes up and in their minds warning them that you are quite a different than normal employee. I like firm, clear rules in black and white.

first, i think you've gained something: you know a bit more now about how others are reacting to you.

i suggest trying this: "oh, OK. maybe i misunderstood. please explain what you meant."

and hopefully, try to then understand. if you don't, oh well. it's not like that's unique to aspies! in fact, i'm amazed more when people do understand each other, given the many, many barriers to it. aspergers simply adds another barrier atop the many inherent ones. (an excellent book on this is a uni textbook, "looking out, looking in.")

so, in essence, to stop running, you simply stop. if in the *now* someone feels misunderstood and says so, simply acknowledge that, ask for clarification, and go from there.

unless you get kicked out/banned, you can continue relating in the forum or whathave you. and without any further "work" or "trying," you achieve your goal: you're remaining, not running.

if you get kicked, you're not running either. but you can't control that, ultimately. you can just do your best to remain open to what you see and hear, and honest yet gentle in what you express yourself. that's all anyone can do.

the world has a zillion situations, places, sites. if one boots you, just keep on with the others.

again, who can do more? also: writing helps very, very much. i mean journaling--just writing how you feel, what you think, privately. do it when you're upset. do it every time (or many times). put it aside. months later, read what you've got there.

not only will you feel better at the time from the writing, but you might be amazed at how your perspective changes once you start the re-reading process....