Should I still be organized with my life when I am depressed

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Honey, if there's violence, it doesn't matter if he cares... you need to get away. Pure and simple.

In future, I would (and do) keep a close eye on that little thought "But really, they love me"... it's not your friend. I've got one of those voices, too, and it keeps me in really lousy, loser situations. I've come to view it more as a warning sign... when I notice it, I start to look for the toxicity.

Your life is precious, sacred, and fragile. No one, but no one has the right to exercise violence against you. You have done the right thing in protecting yourself. Protecting life makes you a frickin' heroine!