I nearly had a meltdown over a word

Post Reply New Topic

I can get very annoyed when I try to say something and can't, which happens often, but it's not specific words, just me being annoyed at not being able to talk properly.

It has happened to me numerous times over a couple of words actually.

One is uncooperative, since my parents describe me that way. The reason is because in 8th grade, 27 years ago, I didn't participate in a school project that wasn't required, so the teacher said I was uncooperative. Of course, my mother admitted to me that was the only incident of uncooperative behavior I ever did, so I don't see how one incident makes me such. My parents were just gunning for a reason to punish me for the whole summer back then, so they could take all of my interests and activities away and force me to be my sister's slave, which was good for her self esteem.

Another is glib. For some reason, another problem my parents love cramming down my throat is that I'm not glib, which I don't understand. When I was having trouble finding a job, my mother would say "In order to get a job you have to have that glib tongue." When she said that to me, I took my hands and clawed up my face out of rage. I was so frustrated with everything at the time I actually did make a plan to commit suicide because I couldn't figure out what it was that I did that made me the monster they seemed to think I was.

I have since moved away from them and pretty much, my family is no longer a part of my life. I live in a city none of them live in, which helps. I am full time employed and in the various jobs I've held here, my supervisors have nothing but good things to say about me. I do my job and get along with the people I work with.

I've come to resent the way I was raised, not being allowed to just do my thing as my siblings were allowed to. Being told I was always wrong, often being forced to go spend time with siblings who mistreated me, and even more so when they saw I had no choice in the matter, which just rammed home the fact that I was indeed a lower class citizen than they were.

I may be on the spectrum but you know what, I'm not ashamed of it, and I don't want to be cured.

I've tripped over pronunciation quite a few times. it used to bother me a lot, especially when I'd said the word right many times. it feels more like a misfiring in my brain that leads to a bad stutter so getting the word out of my mouth is impossible. I used to freeze up.

these days, sometimes I can say "I can't pronounce this for some reason" and ask someone to read it for me or tell me how to pronounce it. it seems to reboot my brain most of the time. sometimes I still freeze up. sometimes it feels like there's a flawed ghost copy of the word skulking around in my mind and I have to battle it to make it stop interfering with the correct pronunciation.

Once at the store, these people walked by the desert isle and said, "That cheesecake looks delish!" I wanted to destroy them. How dare they shorten words like that? I had to stop watching CSI because I went into a rage whenever they said "decomp". Would it kill him to say "decomposition"? Apparently. People have always told me I speak like a professor and was using words like "elite" and "gararious" in proper context at eight years old, yet as adults they can't say a simple regular word. Laziness! Sheer laziness! If I ever have kids, they will be banend from texting and instant messing because it teaches them it is okay to also speak in letters and sound like idots. As a Chritian, it bothers me when people take God's name in vain ("Oh, my gawd! He is like such a hottie!") but it makes me cringe when they say "OMG".

I know all about words triggering meltdowns. I went to an Autism specific school and there was one guy in particular there who had a serious issue with the word Robocop. If someone said it, he would go absolutly berzerk, bite himself, trash the room & go for anyone who got in the way. One day someone said it in the taxi before they left school for home, and he went wild. They eventualy got him desensatized to the word, but it took years.

People calling me "lazy" or "insubordinate" REALLY tick me off. I;ve had several meltdowns at work from being called lazy.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets this.

I hate when someone mentions the word "fly", as in the insect. Using the word as in flying is fine for me though. A few words can irritate me, especially when people repeat them.